Should I stay home or him?

Question

I am in my 40's and am raising a grandson that is now 1 yr. since he was born.

I have been living with BF past 6 years. In the last 2 he has not worked except for some computer repair from home. I had to leave my job in march to care for baby full time . He keeps saying he will get a job but it won't be enough to support us. I say some money is better than no money and I could work parttime to help. I am able to return to my job ful time if necessary and he could stay with the child. I just feel it is not fair to me to have to support us. I want to be home with the baby. An suggestions.?

Answer 1

Not casual?  Lady, everything about your life is casual.  Your kid casually has a baby and leaves it with you to take care of, your bf casually sits at home all day doing next to nothing, and you casually live with him without getting married.  This kid is going to specialize in casual if you don't grow up and get that lazy bf of yours out of the house and working and MARRY him.

Answer 2

Thanks for being a good grandmother.  Okay, two problems here.

First, your boyfriend.  He's been living with you for 2 years and it sounds like you've been his primary form of financial support.  Uh, that may not be healthy.  I'm a little concerned that you have been supporting him for so long.  Look, sometimes that works for a couple.  Sometimes it's not.  Sometime it works until there is a crisis.

Which leads me to your grandson.  I'm really glad you were there for him.  However, money is important.  Have you approached social services about child care?  If you are taking custody of the child, there might be an opportunity for him to go into daycare while you work.  I'm not sure if your custody of your grandson is court mandated, the result of a death or just an informal thing.  (If it's informal, for your grandson's sake, I beg you to at least get some form of legal document giving you rights to make medical and financial decisions for him.)

Ideally, it would be great if he would go out and work, but that may not be in the picture here.  You need to sit down and go through your options together.

A.  He goes out and gets a job so that you can be the stay at home parent.

B.  You go out and get the job and he becomes the stay at home parent (but are you going to end up coming home to even more work).

C.  You both go out to work and find good child care for your grandson.  

D.  You go out to work, find good child care for your grandson and he continues to be the guy he's been for the past 2 years.

E.  You go out to work, find good child care for your grandson and ask him to leave.

I won't tell you that one is the best option.  It's all about choices.  But I do warn you against being a parent to a child and an adult child, because you will end up exhausted and resentful.

I will tell you that good child care is available.  I was able to stay at home with my daughter until she was 2.  She then went to our local YWCA's child care center and it was FABULOUS.  They didn't mind when I would show up to have lunch with her and were supportive when I went through my divorce (did I mention that my ex didn't pay the child care for 3 months before he took off and they worked with me to give me time to catch up on the bills while still watching my child).

But anything you do, it's time to sit your boyfriend down and figure this thing out.  Money can't buy love, but it sure helps put food on the table.  This will tell you just how committed he is to you.

Answer 3

You are really in your 40's?

Here you are shacking qwith a guy who won't work.What will THAT teach your grandson?

It will teach him"I can shack with some girl have s*x with her and she will support ME financially".

First boot the bum out,then talk to D.S.S. about child support.Whoever the child belongs to unless they are dead or physically or mentally disabled,THEY need to be held accountable and MADE responsible.

As far as "fair" goes.YOU PICKED this guy and have PUT UP with his behavior for the last 6 yrs.Why didn't you boot him out at least  5 yrs ago?He sounds like a pot head to me.

Answer 4

You both should start looking for work and you should go ahead with your plan to put your grandson in daycare. A lot of kids his age have seperation anxiety, Once he gets used to his daily routine he will be fine.

Even if BF  decides to work form home, watching a toddler is no easy task! Besides, your grandson needs to be around kids his own age. Perhaps you should look into a mother's morning out for now until you find fulltime care. Good luck to you!

Answer 5

First off. I am never overly comfortable with a man taking care of a child on his own that is not his. Especially due to the fact that he doesn't want to work. It says something about his character. Maybe he is a great guy and my concerns are unwarrented. But I have seen some bad things happen to kids that are in similar situations. I would give the daycare idea a try. Once your grandson goes to daycare he will learn to love it.  

Answer 6

I would have to say that this situation is not in the best interests of your grandson. He needs to have a loving, stable home but he also needs financial security. If that means you have to go to work and place him in daycare, thats what has to be done! I am a bit concerned with the issue of your BF not wanting to get a job. That is a HUGE red flag to me and I am sure, to others as well. I can tell you care about your grandson and while I agree it would be the best situation if you were able to stay home with him and raise him, if you can't do it, then you have to do the next best thing. But I don't think leaving him with your BF is a good choice.

Answer 7

did he loves the baby?if yes let him take cares of the baby.yo can start working and earn some extra income for the family.if no is the answer,leave him.believe in fate and trust GOD.you will meet someone who is better than him.good luck