Should I stay married to my nice-guy, mute of a husband?

Question

He's been secretly working a 2nd online job. Its not his M-F job, its something else I'm not quite clear on. I don't even really want to know at this point, because I feel like he should have discussed it with me in the first place. We have a history of issues relating communication. He carries on his day as a single man minus other woman (i hope). Like if something happens within his family he won't tell me about it, if he donates blood, he won't tell me about it, if he's running late he won't call me, or if he goes out with his friends (which is not often) he won't call me (he'd be out for about 6-7 hrs). He's like this with everyone, his mom, my parents, he doesn't communicate, it drives me crazy. He's a nice guy, a great dad but a mute when it comes to dealing with real life issues, like money, death etc. I'm thinking of divorcing him now, especially since he's been secretly making extra money and not sharing it with me. Maybe because I make more money than he does, but still, should he at least have discussed it with me? Am I exaggerating?

Answer 1

just enjoy your money and leave his alone

Answer 2

Some guys are like that.  My first love was like that and he was a great guy.  You knew you were dealing with a brick wall when you married him.  I think people like us take guys like that for granted.  Trust me when I tell you do not leave your husband.

Answer 3

No, he sounds like a very secretive person.

Answer 4

I don't think you should be expected to explain and talk about every little thing with your spouse. There are some things that you might feel uncomfortable talking about, including family problems and death.

But if you're making extra money and are in a marital situation where both people provide for the household, I think you should at least let your spouse know that extra money is coming in, and from where. Thats just reasonable. You aren't over reacting for being mad at him for the hidden second business.

As for whether you should get a divorce or not.. It all depends on what you think you can take. You shouldn't expect to change a person too drastically in a marriage, so you should expect the communication issues to continue. If you think you can adjust to this then, by all means, stay. But I personally couldn't deal with such silent treatment..

I don't want to cop out by suggesting counseling, since I'm sure everyone else will say that, but its worth saying.  

Answer 5

It takes two to communicate!  There would only be a problem if you ask him something and he lies or doesn't answer you!  WHEN he isn't home after work you can call his cell phone and check on him!  As for the "job" on-line????  Is it a real job or more of a hobby that has made him a little money????

Again communication is a two way street and YOU can initiate it too!

Answer 6

He works 2 jobs, is not cheating on you (at least you think), bringing home money for you and the family and you wonder about leaving.

You selfish DOLT!

Answer 7

And you never knew any of this before you married?  The communication problem isn't all his!

But, it sound like you're quite shallow and already making the plans for divorce, so get on with it.  Just try to be honest with him through it and stay out of other mens' beds until after te process is finalized.  

God, I hope you don't have children.    

Answer 8

Before you even consider divorce, exhaust all your other options. If he's got a communication problem with everyone else, then it's not just you that has to deal with it. You say you don't even want to know what his second job is, but you're planning on divorcing him because of the issues it's causing? He may not even be aware that his lack of communication might be driving his marriage to divorce. Since he doesn't seem to be that great at getting things out in the open, you need to try it first. Sit your husband down one night and explain to him how you are feeling. Don't be mean or angry about it. It won't help anything if you start an argument. Just let him know how you feel. After that, it's his decision how he wants to react. He may not have made a good decision in not discussing the issue with you, but you have the chance to tell him that those decisions affect you as well.  If that fails, you might even consider marriage counseling.

When you walked down the aisle and said "I do". You made a commitment to your husband. My suggestion is to try and fix the problem. Not just get rid of the problem by getting rid of your husband. It make take time, and it may get pretty difficult at times, but if you love this man, you'll be willing to go through the hard stuff to get the problems fixed. Ending the marriage doesn't end the problem, your husband will still have a communication problem, you will have just shoved it aside and chosen not to deal with it.  

Answer 9

Ugh - that would drive me insane!!

Maybe counseling could help. He obviously lacks skills in the communication department!