Should I stay or should I go now?

Question

So 6 months ago my wonderful loving husband left on a military tour, he was supposed to be out to sea but something happend and has been in cali for the last 3 months. We have two children and were very very happy before he left we talked about the rules of the relationship, no clubs, no partying, no girls. 10 days ago i found out he was lying to me. about 2 weeks after he got to cali he started partying, I know that atleast 2 girls called his phone and that he went to clubs, the entire time I was begging him not to do it. He swears he was just bored and needed to get off of the ship he lived, works, eats and sleeps in. He went out partying a total of 10 times in 1 month, he blames the girls numbers on letting his friends use his phone. I found out by calling the numbers on his bills and got a surprize when a girl said she hung out with him at a club and she was his friends girl. at first he yelled at me for not believing him when he said it was an innocent cure to bordom but he has acted so indifferently. now hes coming back in 2 days and the fresh stab wound on my back wont let me forget his lies. He offered counsling and begs that he will do anything. should I try at work things out, or should I pack my stuff and go. If I do work it out, what new boundries can i set. Like i said he was awsome before he left, and turned into a sht on deployment. If hes lied about that what else has he lied about?

Answer 1

If he is actually BEGGING you that he will do anything, he may be worth one more chance. Take him up on that counseling offer and try to work things out with a professional. You say he's a wonderful, loving husband, so you have nothing to lose from trying to fix your relationship.

Best wishes and God bless *hug*

Answer 2

well first off you have two children and you need to think of them before anything..i know wat hurt feels like and sometimes heart ache can hurt so much it feels like you cant breathe.but you have to follow your heart and do what you feel is the best choice.

you dont want a man who left for a while and couldnt stay faithfull to you.i mean he has a family with you so for him to mess around and take risks on ruining everything with you says alot about him.theres no excuses for what he did.and you cant allow him to think his actions are forgiven right away.men who get caught doing what there not supposed to do always try to make things better they make promises and say there willing to do anything to make things better..but you cant always believe them.they have to prove they deserve you.

you have to make him show to you that he his still worthy of your love.

it will be hard to trust him and you will have a ton of un answered questions in your mind.and if you can deal with that then stay but if you cant dont waste your time because things like this not only take a toll on your heart but seriously on your health also..your a mom you cant run around stressed out..

if you take him back you need to keep up with him and have him on a tight leash good luck

Answer 3

Any one deserves a second chance. You need to pray about it.

Answer 4

Try and have a bit of a heart.  My husband served 21 years in the Navy, better than half of it on ships.  Ship life SUCKS big-time; you can't really hold it against him that he wanted to get away from it!!   Clubbing and partying are relatively harmless in the right context.

The partying with the WOMEN on the other hand needs to be addressed.  He should have held your opinion in better esteem than to become even mildly involved with other women...but that's something you'll have to work out with him.

Having been there (the military wife-life) I can tell you it isn't always easy, but you have to let some things slide...as long as he was FAITHFUL, that is what counts; the rest is academic.  If he's coming home to you and wants to work things out, then you should give him a chance...and a little credit.  Life in the military isn't always easy, and trust me, it's NOT a piece of cake for those who have to live 24/7 on those miserable floating cess-pools (commonly called battle ships).

Answer 5

Being the wife of a military man must be very difficult and I want to thank you and your husband for your service to our country.  

You have 2 children that require you and your husband to work very hard on keeping this family together.  

First, has your husband ever given you any reason to believe that he cannot stay sincere and respectful of you while he is in the presence of other females?  

Second,  a promise not to join his buddy's out on the town is doomed for failure.  If your man loves you, you should have absolutely no concerns about what he is doing.  If you can't let go and he still stays then you don't have him anyway.  Do you want someone that you have tied to your side or do you want someone that wants to be at your side?

Are you a good woman?  Are you the kind of woman you would want to come home to everyday?  Are you still his girlfriend?  If you are the best thing that ever happened to him, he ain't going anywhere.  

Get a sitter, take a shower, dab on some perfume, put on something s**y and show him that there is nothing better in the whole world than the woman that he is married to.  You have the power to hold him with your behavior not your words.  Be his girlfriend!  He is with you, not them.  If he wanted them, then that is where he would be.  Do your thing woman!  Never quit being his girlfriend.