Should I stay or should I leave?

Question

I met my husband off of a "adult" web site things really moved fast for us and we were engaged at 6weeks from knowing each other. When we first met he asked me if I would ever be down to have a threesome, I said sure because at the time (a few weeks after knowing each other) I didn't have really strong feelings for him and we were just dating. Now two years later and after having our first child ( who is one) he wants to have one. I don't anymore because we are married now and I don't want to see me husband doing stuff with another girl. I explained this to him and told him it would kill me to do it cause it would hurt me so much. He then told me that was one of the reasons he wanted to be with me and now feels like he loves me less and that I told him I would so he would get with me and now he is stuck. This completely broke my heart and now I don't know what to do. Should I go ahead with it so he will fully love me and be happy but risk the chance that I would hate him after ward for it? Or do I stay with someone who just told me he loves me less and feels like he is stuck? Or do I pack up my son and I and leave?

Answer 1

Don't do it if you're not comfortable with it! If you have to start selling your soul just so your husband "loves you more", it's not a good situation, and it's not a good marriage. There's nothing wrong with a consensual threesome, but you have to be on the same page about it.

I hate to say it, but you are kinda getting what you've asked for. You meet a guy on an adult site, you talk about having threesomes, you marry him before you got a chance to get to know each other - and then you're surprised and hurt when he is being himself and wants to continue this same lifestyle? It's like meeting a man at a bar and then getting upset with him for going to the bar later on. If you want a person who is not sexually adventurous, an adult site is not the place to look. Sure, you meet people in all kinds of different places, even the most unlikely ones; but you do need to make sure that you are on the same page in some important things before you commit to being spouses and parents. Talk to him some more and explain again how it makes you feel. If you want this relationship to survive, you need to understand each other; try to get him to understand you - but also, try to understand him. If your views on sexual conduct was one of the reasons he chose you as his partner, and now he finds out that your views have changed, it's a tough pill to swallow. If you acknowledge this, perhaps he will be more inclined to acknowledge your feelings as well.

Answer 2

You ask should I go ahead with it so he will fully love me & be happy ?  No, u should not.  If he cannot "fully love you & be happy"without a 3some, then he has problems.  If u can talk him into counseling,that would be great.  I could never convince my husband to go to counseling more than one time (for a different issue), but it wouldn't hurt to try.

Answer 3

Don't stay with some one who coerces you into sexual acts that you don't want to. I find it curious that he waited this long to ask you for a threesome and not when you two were without a child. If this is the deal breaker for him, you should leave and sue him for all you can. It is a shame that he can't accept you and your son. It's really a shame. Be strong and leave him. You don't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable doing!

Answer 4

I wonder why after all the time you dated and a year after your first child, that he is now bringing this up.  Weird???  Maybe he has already met someone he is involved with and wants to bring them into your relationship.

Tell him okay, but it will have to be you & him & another guy.  I'm sure he's imagining two women.  Just kidding.

Seriously, if he is giving you an ultimatum, take it.  I would not stay with someone who tries to guilt me into doing sexual things I don't want to do.  Let him go.  Get a divorce and get alimony & child support.  I think he's already cheating (get a private eye & some pictures).

Good luck!

Answer 5

leave him

dump him

get a divorce

please and let us know how you are doing

Answer 6

This isn' really and answer but...Sounds EXACTLY like my husband! We met the same way, and he is constantly begging for me to either "cheat on him" or have a threesome as well. I've had 4 kids in the last 3 yrs (twins last time around) and he thinks that I should just bounce back and be s**y again! I'm in the same situation as you and not sure what to do either. I actually think he has been seeing someone on the side (and talking to his ex online) because I'm not willing to do it. I hope you get some good advice and I will follow it as well.  Best of luck!

Answer 7

He is being completely manipulative. Dont let him mess with you like that. Any husband who would guilt his wife into having a threesome is not worth your time. I would leave, clearly he seems the type to not care too much about what happens. He is an *** hole....  

Answer 8

If you do this time, he's want to do it again. Don't do anything that you don't want to do. The h**l with him. Leave his *** he'll probably get some stupid girl to do it.  

Answer 9

It sounds to me like he is trying to manipulate you to get what he wants.  Why don't you tell him you meant a three-way with another man?  I wonder how he would like that.  You are not obligated to fulfill this fantasy of his and I definitely would not.  If he loves you less over that he is not much of a man.  I think he is only saying that to try to pressure you into it since you are such a good wife and obviously want him to be happy.  Don't do it!

Answer 10

Well, you can ask this advice at Jamrie.com

People on the website, should be able to help you out.

I go on it all the time!