Should I stay with my boyfriend or start all over?

Question

Help Me Please! Im 24 years old and I have lived with my 29 year old boyfriend for two & 1/2 years now. We have a pretty good relationship in the winter, but it sucks in the summer. He is a motorcycle rider and is part of a bike club and will be out with them for half of the day a couple days a week. He always tells me that he is doing one thing and always ends up doing everything else, (he'll say 'babe I'm going out for a quick ride with like one or two other people and I'll will be back in a hour or two', Then he will not call me for 3 hours until I call and he does not answer cause he is on his bike of coarse, and then he will come home 2 hours later only because him or one of his friends got pulled over or chased by cops.) He stays out until late at night like 12 or 1am and expects me to not be upset. Meanwhile he does not even want me to walk our dog around the block in the afternoon/evening,( so called because there are too many people outside to distract the dog). Yet alone go out with my girlfriends to hang out. This has been going on for 3 summers now and every time spring comes he tells me babe I love you and we are going to have a great summer together and we are going to do a lot of things together and he is gonna lay off of the bike thing soo much because he knows it hurts our relationship. Mind you he has a full time job he goes to mon-fri 8am - 5 pm every wed he is committed to his "ride out days" and evert sunday they have a meeting and ride half the day. He also has a child that he spends time with, that I am not really allowed to be around to much because his childs mother is a B and gets jealous when ever his child is around me and goes home and talks to her about what we did, not because I am a bad person but because she is upset/jealous that me and my b/f are so close with each other. Please some advice from guys and girls would really help. I think I need to leave this relationship b/c I am missing out every summer in the house ALL summer long( I work from home too, no kids just a cat and dog) because he is with his friends and I don't want to start an arguement by going out with my friends. I feel like I am spending all of my summers either working, with my pets, mad or bored. And I think I should be able to be happy. Do you think I am not being resonable or that I should stay with him? Maybe he will change right? Or I just should not care what he does? HELP!!!!!

Answer 1

First of all, he is 29 years old, with a kid, and he spends his free time running from the cops on his bike with his friends??!!!  Tell him he needs to GROW UP.  My husband has a bike, and he likes to go out riding w/ his friends, but it is also something that we like to do together.

Second of all, if he hasn't changed yet after all this time, he is never going to change.  It sounds like you put him first in your life, but you rank pretty low on his priority list.  He needs to tell his child's mother to butt out.  If two people have a kid together and then part ways, it is expected that they will date other people, and that they too will be a part of the child's life.  You shouldn't have to suffer for her own insecurities, and he needs to tell her that.

Third, he is setting such a double standard for you to live by.  I used to date a guy like that before for almost 4 yrs.  He could go out to clubs with his friends, but gave me grief for wanting to have a cup of coffee with one of my friends.  Unless you have done something to lose his trust, it is completely unfair of him to keep you locked up in your home.  Even if something did happen for you to lose his trust, he needs to forgive and forget or else you will never be happy.

But it sounds to me like you are in a very unhealthy relationship.  But if you are not ready to jump ship, you need to stop worrying about starting an argument, and just doing things that you like to do without him, and standing up for yourself.  See what happens from there.  Explain to him how lonely you feel.  If he still doesn't get it, then you need to find somebody who will treat you the way you want to be treated no matter what time of year it is.

Answer 2

Personally...if I was you...I would leave. There is someone else out there that is willing to spend more time with you. Your boyfriend sounds very controlling...that would be a signal to be to break up. You would prob have a better lifestyle if you left.

Good Luck! :D

Answer 3

Do not assume that anyone will change, you need to be willing to accept him and live with him even if he never changes (which is probably what will happen).

Sounds to me though that you are letting yourself be mistreated.   You want someone who will give you time and attention, which is ok, but it sounds like he's doing what he can to dis you.

Girl, you need to have more respect for yourself, don't allow people to treat you how you don't want to be treated, even if it means leaving the situation.  

Please Please Please, do not think a guy will change, unless you assume he's going to change for the worse.