Should I stay with my husband and my stepkids?

Question

The kids mom is threatening me and wants to kick my *** because my step daughter got mad at me because I told her in front of my husband that she should not talk smack about us or tell her mom our dirty laundry. she said can tell mom everything and she got mad and told us that that is her mom and its ok. Her mom uses everything she says against us. She pays no child support and we have full custody. So recently my step daughter got mad at that and she told her mom things and arguments from the past that her and I had. I told her one time that she was acting bitchy and felt bad afterward and told her sorry. I always saud sorry and made it up to her by being there and talking to her. I ahve been a fulltime parent to her for 8 years and her mom was in and out drugs and drinking. My husband thinks I should forget about it but their mom want to hurt me and I am scared. I love them regardless but I want nothing to do with my ste daughter no more. I feel she is happy what she did , im hur

Answer 1

sounds like your step daughter just wants more attention from her mom and is going about it the wrong way.

My advice is instead of picking up the pieces from another disastrous conversation between your step daughter and her mom, open up the conversation yourself with a safe topic. Like "hey, tell you mom about the park today." or "Did you tell your mom about that picture you colored?" things like that. Redirecting her conversations may save you some embarrassment

Answer 2

You need to get an order of protection and if she breaks it she will go to jail.  You dont need to argue with your hubby in front of any children and you dont need to argue period with this step child.  Your husband needs to handle her when she doesnt do what you tell her to or if she smarts off.  If he wont then you are fighting a losing battle.  8 yrs is a long time but do you love her dad?  Honestly?  If not move on.  Drama is no good.  You need to have a rule in your household if you or anyone cant say anything good dont say anything period.  tep children are hard to raise especially when the real father doesnt help out.  Take her mom to court and get child support.  My daughter and her husband just did and my daughter is a RN an husband is  engineer.  The judge told the real mom to get a job in 30 dys and to pay $153 mthly now with no job and it will go up after 30 dys.  She also has to pay medical 1/2 what ins. dont pay and this has shut her up!!!!

Answer 3

If your scared get a restraining order.  It sounds like your stepdaughter is just being a teenager and taking advantage of the situation.  You and your husband need to set rules and stick to them.  As for the loser, drug addicted "mom", I wouldn't care what she thought.

Answer 4

tough one. time heals all wounds....Your step daughter's mom could be a monster and she is still going to love her and hold her up on a pedastal. not much you can do. just respect that part of her life. I know it really really sucks that she is betraying "your" family and telling secrets to her mom but so what. Her mom is a druggy and probably has no life. she is also probably very bitter because you married her man! Don't be intimidated. Thats YOUR HOUSE. YOUR HUSBAND. AND YOUR FAMILY. hold tight and pray that things stay that way and your stepdaughter will have no choice but to fall in line because she will realize you are the stable ones and take care of her financially. Please don't talk bad about her druggy loser mom because then she will feel the need to defend her. Your hubby is right. Forget about it. focus on YOUR FAMILY!

Answer 5

children should be made to stay in their place.  she had no business telling her mom anything.  My mom was in a simular situation with my stepbrother and sometimes the things he would say to her would upset me but my mom looked at it like differently, she said that my brother was really upset with his mother for not being there for him and that was his way of venting.  things will probaly never change until your daughter realizes that there is nothing she can do about your relationship with her dad.  ignore her and if she is acting bitchy then tell her and stop apologizeing for everything you don't owe her that. she should appreciate the fact that you are there. As for the ex if you feel threatened then file a police report and get an order of protection.  then if she comes around kick her *** and call the police.

Answer 6

From a step-mother of 5 kids, I can tell you that what you're going through is normal.

Kids are going to play one parent against another, regardless of what situation they're in.  And when there is a chance to drive a wedge between a parent and step-parent that's the perfect platform.  

I went through a lot of c**p from my step-children and their mother too.  Trust me...

The best advice I can give you is to keep your marriage strong and keep on being the loving mother to those children that you always have been.  As the children mature they will see you (and their birth mother) more clearly and will see who was a loving, caring mother to them all these years.

After all I went through, my step-kids are grown now and I have a close relationship with them all.  They don't have very much to do with their birth mother though, now that they see what kind of person she really is.

As for the threats, have your husband talk to her and explain that if it continues you will get an order of protection.  She won't want that and neither will the children, but you are putting the choice in HER hands so you won't be to blame if it comes to that.

Hang in there, and find a group of other step-parents for support.  I'm sure there are some online if not local to you.  Good luck!