Should I stick to the punishment?

Question

My 8 year old daughter was supposed to load the dishwasher for her job to day and in stead she told me she wanted to wash them by hand there was only maybe a third of a dishwasher load so I told her that would be okay if she wanted to wash them by hand. when I went in to get lunch fixed I found that in stead of washing them she ran them under water and put them away When I asked her why she did it she told me because she didn’t want to go to the stupid Easter egg dieing party at our friends house so I told her fine I guess that you don’t get to go. she then yelled at me and said you stupid idiot you were suppose to tell me to bad you have to go. So I told her that was not an expectable thing to do so you can stay home with a baby sitter and not go to the party. Now she said if she cant go she will tell her teacher that I was hitting her. She has lied to get her dad and I in trouble before and it resulted in cps coming in to make sure that what she said was not happening. I think I should but my mom said that was to harsh because her sister gets to go.

Answer 1

I would make her get out all the dishes she rinsed and put them in the dishwasher. At this point she wouldn't wash them well. I wouldn't want to eat off of dirty dishes. You will have to watch her do this.

No it is not mean that you do not let her go to the party. Where do you think rewarding bad behavior get you?

As far as her getting your husband in trouble. That is not good. I do know of a few cops that have gone to someone house for a child getting a spankin not a beaten. I do believe in spankins but only when you have to. They found out what happened and made sure they child had no bruises. That it definetly wasn't child abuse. Checked with neighbors. they happen to be a child out of control. Some kids learn to manipulate you to get what they want.

Have you tried talking to the school? All schools have a social worker. They are better in my opinion than a phycoligist. They can help them to learn how to act and do things approiately.

Personally if it was me I would have given her a spankin and gave her the phone to call the police if needed. Tell her what may happen. If she knows you are afraid she will do this until you can get her to stop doing these things.

Relatives should not interfear with punishment. Sometimes I have to say no she is punishment. When they say but it is just a ____ or  you are being mean and it is not fare. I am sorry but she choose that with her behavior. I cannot tolerate this in my household.

Be firm and don't back down. good luck

Answer 2

Stick to your guns

My pediatrician said to me 6 years ago-"YOU ALWAYS have to win"

I know how hard it is- good luck

Answer 3

Hmmm. A tough one - it would not only be the cps but also the social services coming at you if she did report abuse. I would make her wash the dishes as a punishment and record - using a video camera and maybe a good friend to witness - that you did not hit her and get her to (independently) state this on the video. If you havent got a video get her to sign a sworn statement. Unfortunately, if social services do come they will try to make out that it isnt the first time you have hit her (even though you are [presumably] innocent), and will force your kids to tell lies about you. You will then be guilty forever even if proved innocent. Get a good solicitor - NOT Bowmans of Leeds!

Answer 4

yes i think you  are right

Answer 5

turn the tables call the cops on her for calling you names,and pull out every single dish in that cabinet and make her wash every one by hand.

Answer 6

Uh ...no she doesnt get to go....Even if her sis goes, her sis did what she was required to do to go.

Don't back down from this.....CPS will not take your kids away because you didn't let her go to a party.

Answer 7

Hide a camera and tape recorder. Make her repeat everything she said then let her tell her teacher. If she doenst ask to see marks show her the tape(s).

Answer 8

Stick to punishing because if you dont the next time she does something like that. Shell remember that she didnt get in much trouble that time. so shell just keep on doing stuff like that. About what your mom said.If you punish her harsh at least one time. Then shell remember how much trouble she got in and wont do anything bad again.

Answer 9

Your daughter should be in A LOT of trouble, not just for lying about doing her chores [well] but also for blackmailing you like that. If I were you, I would secretly set up a videocamera and then ask her to sit down in front of it. I would get on one knee so that we were eye-to-eye. I would again bring up why she's in trouble and what she said... then she would probably repeat her threats. I would ask her to look at the camera which is catching her admitting to blackmailing you and then I'd shut it off. At this point, she'd be confused and would probably think of something ridiculous to say. I would tell her that if she plans to blackmail you again because she doesn't get to do what she wants, there will be less and less freedoms in the future. No school dances when she's interested in them, no graduation parties, no sweet 16, no prom, NOTHING because apparently, she doesn't care about you or how much trouble you could get into because of her lies.

Answer 10

I think you are absolutely right.  You have got to stick to your word, or as she gets older will walk all over you.  You are in a really tough situation though!

Answer 11

Listen, if ytou love her, that can also come in the form of making her responsible for her actions WITHOUT you feeling like you are wrong. And NO, you were not wrong; all you did was set the pinishment that she thought she would recieve. Too many parents today are held hostage to a degree, because they are scared of thier children and the laws that are being enforced to protect the child. I for one, am not wiling to be told what I can and cant do with my child. Provided I am not abusing them, and I follow the rules of basic humanity first and the laws of the land second, then I am okay. Here is what I would do; First, stick to your guns! If you said it, you HAVE to do it, otherwise all things become negotionable, and whe it comes to you, you should listen respectfully to your child, but you get the ULTIMATE say, no questions. Remember, she set the punishment, you merely enforced it. As far as her calling you a 'stupid idiot' I would tell her that under no circumstances will she ever use that language with you, and that since you see her vocabulary expanding, she needs to have a list of 10 NICE names she can say prepared for you by the time you come home from the party. Third, I wold tell her that if she would like to call the policeon you, thenby all means, be you guest; offer to place the call for her, and let her know that since they realized that you were not abusing her last time, they are not going to take kindly to her calling them this time, but hey, lets see what happens. Take your power back. You are the parent, and it does not seem that you have indicated that you are abusive in any way, but you need to take make sure she understands that you are firm in your rules and that she must follow them.

Answer 12

I would stick to the punishment, explaining that her disobedience and disrespect to you, her parents, warrants the punishment.  Also, tell her the story of the "Boy who cried Wolf".  Tell her that since she's done it once, now the truth is known, if she does it again, her word will mean nothing--no one will believe anything she says.  

My daughter lied to me several times at about that age--I told her If you never lie to me, I'll always believe everything you say.  If you lie to me once a year, I'll believe almost everything you say.  If you lie to me once a month, I'll always wonder if you are lying to me, If you lie to me once a week, I'll believe nothing you say.  She is old enough to understand that.  

Let your punishment stand.  She knows in her heart that she deserves it.  Allow her sister to tell her all about it so she will KNOW what she missed.  Maybe she will think twice about her actions.  The dishes thing was not so bad--kids do that kind of thing-- but it is how she talked to you that is the problem, in my book.

Answer 13

i have always found that giving the child the choice of punishment works best. you can tell her that she can go to the party, but then she doesn't get to eat easter candy, or has to clean her room instead. dont let her threaten you, but make sure she understands that what she did was wrong.

Answer 14

You need to stand your ground.  If you give her a punishment, stick to it!  

As far as her telling her teacher you have been abusing her.  This is not good.  You might want to consider talking to her school councilor about that behavior.