Question:

Should I still hope that my husband will return and get us back?

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Me and my husband are married for 2 years and 4 months now. For two years that we've been on the relationship, I was the only one who was working. I got pregnant and gave birth to a baby boy. I shoulder everything, all the expenses, rents, etc. He decided to stay in the house and took care of our baby. I work and he was the one who took of everything, baby and part of the household. Recently, I observed some changes on his attitude. He is always irritated with me. We always have arguments on how he treated our son. He is not in the mood most of the time and come to a point that he always yell on the kid and sometimes slap the baby and some mistreatment. Whenever we argue, he is always the one who initiate a separation. He always packed his things and bring it home ( to his biological family ). Everytime we have misunderstanding, he is always like that. He always threatens me of separation. Come to a point that I almost begged him so he won't leave us. Recently, we had arguments again. He did that same usual act, he packed his things, went out of the apartment and never came back. Leaving me and my kid in the apartment.

What I did was to leave the apartment too and went home to my mom, I seek help from my family, I work and no one will take care of my baby. Me and husband are neighbors. I always sees him. My husband never even bothered to inquire about us, if we are ok or what. Its like he abandoned us. He is currently living with his biological family. A week after the separation, I initiated the communication between us. I talked to him about his plans. He told me that he will have seek job first and work to save money and after that he will get us back. I suggested a reconcillation that we can be together while we both work, but he declined. I lend him cellphone so we can communicate everytime. But it seems that he doesnt care, he doesnt even bother to call or text me. I am the one who's paying for the phone bill. In other words, I always initiates everything. I am the one who's bridging the gaps between us. Whenever I asked him if he loves me, he gets irritated. Any question that I ask him, he dont answer it. I asked him if he has still plans of getting us back, he said yes. But I can't feel the sincerity on his words. I have the feeling that He is just making me believe that we will be soon together but I guess its not one of plans anymore. Whenenever he talks to me, I can't feel any respect anymore. He doesnt care for me. He doesnt even bother to know how is our son going. And worst, he is trying to return to me the cellphone that I lent him days ago. He really want to cut the communication between us. What will I do?

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9 ANSWERS


  1. He doesn't want to stay in the marriage, and he cant think of how to say so, he is being a child himself. you need to not let anyone hurt your child, even his own father.

    Dont ask him questions like that, he is fighting himself through you.

    Don't wait for him, you have been taking care of herself and your family for all that time, keep it up girl.

    Don't let a man decide your future, live for yourself and your baby.


  2. Mary it sounds to me like you are a very capable woman, and you need to stop relying on this man!  There are thousands upon thousands of women everyday all around the world who take care of themselves and their children!  There are places in the community that help strong individuals such as yourself in these types of situations, what you need to do is look elsewhere for help.  If he doesn't want to know his child,and if he seems to be pulling away from you, good riddance!  Any man can make a baby, it takes a Father to stick around and help his family, and be there when they need him.  In my opinion that man shouldn't have rights to see you or the baby if he isn't helping pay to support you, or taking care of you both in the right way (picking fights with you, and hurting the baby are COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE!) You're better off letting him see you being able to take care of the two of you, right now all of your trying to bridge communication, and giving him things are making you look really needy, and you are a good woman, and from the sounds of it a pretty great mother, you do what you do best, and take care of yourself and that baby!  If your family can't help you out, then call the Department of Human Services Office in your area (the place you can apply for food stamps and TANF) because you have custody of the baby and are a single parent they will be able to help you apply for a plethora of things that will make your life easier... like food stamps, and depending on how much you bring home, which from the sounds of it might not be a whole lot, they can get you cash assistance, they probably know  where you can apply for reduced fee/ childcare assistance (and you could very easily be refered to a sitter/center that would take much better care, and NOT abuse the baby like his "father" did).  If you are willing to accept help, it is out there, and who knows, maybe while you are standing on your own two feet, you might even meet someone better than this deadbeat you're married to now to sweep you up again!  I wish you the best of luck, and be strong/don't give up and don't let him see you sweat!

  3. honestly i would just move on. Because if he not making any effort, to be there for ur son. Not to mentioning ur self. he just being a dead beat there's tons of guys out there just like him, there acting childish and avoiding there irresponsibly. you just need to find someone better don't get ur hopes up.

  4. Mistreating my child is a deal breaker. If it were me, I would leave and not look back.  The mental abuse is not worth it.  Your son doesn't need to be in that type of environment and neither do u.

  5. You will let him go.

    If he comes back, he's yours, if not, he never was.

    That is a famous quote, I don't know by who though.

    But it's true.  No more begging girl.  Let him go and

    focus on you and your child only.

    I know it is hard and seems impossible but you've

    got to do it.

  6. Its time to forget about him and move on with your life and find someone new when you are ready, who will treat and appreciate you for who you are. Your husband has no intentions in moving back with you.

  7. Dump the dead-beat and get on with your life. You have already wasted 2 years and 4 months that you will never get back.

  8. You need to let him go he is telling you he doesnt want to be together anymore. He may say yeah he does but his actions shows he really doesnt.  

  9. Sometimes men who take on the role of the housewife instead of the bread winner feel inferior, that could be the reason that he's irritated, his ego.  If he says that he will take you back,  but you don't feel like it's true, move on.  I know you love him, but you have to love yourself.  

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