Should I still marry him?

Question

I was about to be married, but my man did something stupid that's way out of character, now he will be serving 12 years in prison, I still want to get married to this man, but I don't want a prison marriage. He is the only man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I really love him, should I do the prison marriage or wait for him to get out to get married? He still wants to get married, and wants to get married in prison and I told him we would, this is crushing me, don't know what to do. Please Help!!!!!!

Answer 1

If you are sure you want o marry him, and are sure you will feel the same way in 5 or 8 year, even though you can't live with him, then go ahead with the marriage. If you want to get married and you love each other, the place won't matter 15 years down the line, and you can always get a second wedding, anywhere you want. But, 12 years is a very long time to wait for someone, so are you positive that you won't regret your decision?If you're not sure, wait.  

Answer 2

Personally I wouldn't do it.  Wait a bit...why throw away your education and future life for something that may not work out.  Time will unfold the truth I say wait.

Good Luck!  

Answer 3

NO!!! Do not do it! He did something more than just "stupid' to end up in prison for 12 years!!!!  This is a HUGE red flag!! Be glad this happened now before you were already married to him!!!  If he was so in love with you, he wouldn't have been so willing to throw his life away and ruin your life in the process. Do NOT put your life on hold for him!  You have to choose wisely when it comes to a husband.... someone who's in prison is NOT a wise choice.... you're sooooooo young. You have your whole life ahead of you!  Don't throw your whole future away on a guy who is obviously not worth it!! You'll TOTALLY regret it!!!!

Answer 4

I'm going to give you frank advice.  

DO. NOT. MARRY. HIM.  I know that you feel you are in love with him, but to tie yourself to a man with such a long conviction and a prison record is a foolish thing to do.  You are young, and you can meet someone better, someone who can be there with you and for you.  

I am not telling you not to love him, but I am telling you not to marry him.  Like I said before, you are young and your feelings may (and most likely will) change, especially since you are planning on a relationship in which you'll be unable to get that intimacy and physical contact necessary to make a relationship work.  

The very fact that you are asking this question tells me you have doubts.  Don't do it.

Answer 5

wait until he gets out, you may think now that you want to marry him but you will be alone for 12 long years.....I think your priorities will change.

Answer 6

you should pay Money   for him to get out and marry him

Answer 7

WOW!  This is a tuffy...If you want to marry him than do it, but you have to realize what comes with it.  He will have a hard time getting a job once he comes out, you will have to change your major in school, and 12 years is a long time apart whether you marry him now or later.

I personally would NOT marry him.  You have no idea how prison can change him mentally and the stress that it would put on a marriage.

Good luck...but I say no.

Answer 8

12 years is a long time.  I wouldn't do a prison marriage.  He isn't going to be the same man you feel in love with when he gets out.  Also you are going to have to put your life on hold.  Walk away now while you still can.  

Answer 9

you should wait till after he gets out. you both need to reevaluate what kind of person he is. i know its hard but he clearly did something pretty bad if he got 12 years. and you need to ask yourself if this was truly out of character or if you just haven't known him long enough for this side of him to come out into the open.

Answer 10

well what is more important to you being married to him or not being a prison wife?  That is the ultimate question.  I have to wonder what he did to get 12 years, it must have been something aweful.  And if he did it with enough thought to get time in jail you have to think: when he gets out do you want him around the children you may have.

I don't know so I won't judge him.  Also, you are only 21 (I am only 22 so I'm not being some old judgemental person).  But by the time he gets out you will be 32 and a different person.  You guys won't grow and change together like married people do, do you think you will still be able to live together then?  What kind of person will he be when he gets out?  I've seen stories of many people wrongfully accused who go into jail and once they are finally vindicated they get out and just aren't the same person, they've toughened up they could be violent at this point.  They've been living around criminals who have taught them things.  This should all be taken into consideration.

I'd suggest stick by your man but if you feel you can't take it anymore then move on with your life.  Whatever he did, he obviously wasn't thinking about what it would do to you and your life when he did it.  That shows major disrespect to you.

Good luck hun, go with how you feel. if you feel you want to stand by him then do it, (as hard as it will be) if you feel at any point you just can't do it anymore and want to move on with your life then do that.

EDIT: just saw your school and degree problem.  Is this what you want to do? are you willing to give up doing something you love for  want for a man you can't even see for 12 years?  You sure have a lot to consider.

Answer 11

12 years is a long time to wait. I'm sorry to say that you should move on. You and he will both be different people when he gets out of prison. I don't now how old you are, but life is short. Find a new man and be happy.

Good luck.

EDIT: I can honestly tell you I was a different person at 33 than I was at 21. I still stand by my answer. My ex-husband served 2 years in prison and it seemed like an eternity (that's not why we divorced). You are young enough to find love again, I did.

EDIT 2: Your career choice is certainly something to consider. It will be very hard for you to get a job in your field. Also, what type of job will he be able to get with a felony conviction on his record? He has to admit that on every application he fills out. You have to consider your financial future and security. I know you love him, and it's hard not to think with your heart right now, but you must consider all the things this will effect in your life. I think you're so torn because your head knows what you need to do, but your heart doesn't want to listen.

Answer 12

Well whatever he did you need to first think if its something you are ok with

And if you are, then have the prison wedding and a vow renewal as a better wedding when he gets out

but think of your future and your future children and decide if that's the life you want for yourself and them  

Answer 13

I agree with all the others who say don't do it. You are so young and if I were to marry the guys I *loved* at age 21, 22, 23 even 24 I would surely be divorced by now. You will change a lot in 12 years and so will he.

It will be less painful to end it now, than later. I know it will hurt, but be strong.

You will find love again.Don't throw your whole young life away including your career.

Geez... IK am so sorry this is happening to you. Keep your chin up.

Answer 14

Wait for him to get out without a doubt. If its true love it will withstand the 12 years. If not then it will be easy to get out of.

Answer 15

Please do not marry this man.  Let him go to prison and get on with your life. Do not let his mistake ruin two lives.

Answer 16

what exactly did he do?  way out of character?  if so that would have been taken into consideration and he would not have a long, serious sentence.  i think you are kidding yourself.  and not only has he thrown his own young life away you are proposing that you do the same?  

if you were my daughter i would encourage you to break up , break clean and get some distance from this mess.  you are not seeing what i am seeing.  i am seeing a confused young girl who is not thinking or showing respect for herself to throw her fate in with someone who will be in prison and when he gets out will be a felon.  

i have compassion for people who make mistakes, but i dont feel i have to sacrifice my own future as well.

and i urgently agree with the poster who pointed out that young men who have good character and are about to be married dont do things that end up with a 12 year sentence.  

no matter how you try to sugar coat it.

  walk away from this now  and dont communicate with him, break it off and wish him well and be strong.  when you get some distance from this you will see the wisdom in this.  it is not a vote against him, it is a vote for !!!  you and it is the most important vote you will ever cast.