Should I still move in with my baby's father?

Question

On-and-off, we've been together for 5 1/2 years. I'm deeply in love with him and 19 weeks pregnant with his baby. When we found out about the pregnancy we decided to move in together. As time went by I saw him becoming distant and lacking patience, even though I've had an almost symptom-free pregnancy. I finally decided to talk to him about it and he told me that he feels very pressured to be there and do the right thing and that he cares a lot about me but that he doesn't feel he really loves me anymore or at least, not like before. Now I'm having second thoughts about moving in with someone that openly admits that is not in love with me. He still says he wants to be with me and the baby and hope that things will improve along the way.Could it be that he's scared of all these sudden changes? Will I be wasting my time by trying to make it work where there's no true love???

Answer 1

If you haven't moved in together yet, hold off for a bit.  He's obviously got to sort out his feelings about all of this, and moving in together may push him away if he already feels pressured.  I don't think you'll be wasting your time trying to make it work though.  You love him and are having his child.  Whether he likes it or not, he's always going to be a part of your life and you're always going to be a part of his.  Plenty of people have gone through really rough patches and worked through it.  Perhaps now that things are "for real" with the baby, he's wondering if he's made the right decision in staying with you.  Let him know that you want him to be with you because he loves you and not because he wants to "do the right thing."  The right thing is for him to recognize his love for you and take the challenge of being a father head on.  Hopefully with a bit of space and time, he'll realize this.  Best wishes!!

Answer 2

My husband has done that to me before i just stayed and he finally got over it. I think he is probably just worried about having a baby. Give him a little time he will get it together. If you are with him when the baby comes he will see and want to be with you and feel so sorry for acting that way.

Answer 3

My answer to you would be wait to move in. Spend time together and see if it'll work like that, if he really loves and wants to be with you then he will change how he feels. IMO I wouldn't move in with someone who openly admits to not being in love with me anymore. Anyways, I'm sure you know what is best for you, so you can make the choice.

Answer 4

He could definitely be scared and not feeling ready to be a father.  Definitely don't move in with him if he thinks that he doesn't love you.  You would only be setting yourself up for troubles.  I'm sorry to hear of your situation, it's very sad, but hopefully things will change.  Just try to keep him informed and welcome him to participate in things with you, but if he chooses not to then don't take it too personally and stress about it.  Guys react differently.  I'm sure that once the baby is born and he gets to hold it for the first time, things will change.  Most guys don't come to the realization of their baby until they get to physically see and touch it.  

Answer 5

Uh, yes.  He told you right out that he "doesn't feel the same".  Sorry to say this, but you need to move on.  You will just set yourself up for disappointement if you move in together.

Answer 6

You won't be wasting your time.

It is important that you both share this experience.  If there is going to be a future, then this will bethe true test.  

I was in a similar situation (only I was the one who wasn't in love).  I chose to stick it out until after the baby was born.  He was the same way... nervous and distant.  When the baby can he was amazing, and there is no way you could get him away from his baby now.

Even after my daughter's birth , I knew the relationship wasn't going to work.  We agreed to co-parent and share equal custody.  I moved out when she was 10 months old, and it has been great.  It has been a year and a half, and she has adjusted without any isssues.  My ex on the other hand, he had deeper feelings for me after the birth of our daughter, but I wasn't willing to remain in a love-less relationship, and teach my daughter that that's what to expect.

I recommend you give it a chance.  At least you'll be able to tell you child that you tried.  Set a date, and make a decision about your relationship at that point.

Answer 7

i wouldnt move in with him, i would wait it out and see if things change. why move in with him just to be told to move out in a few months if he doesnt love you and decides he doesnt like the change. no need to risk being homeless with a new baby.