Should I stop the divorce process after he cheated, left, and now wants me back?

Question

We have been married for 5 years, and he has been cheating for 16 months. We have an 18 month old baby boy. He left 5 months ago after I found out. He has refused marriage counseling, refused to end the affair, so we started the divorce process 2 weeks ago. He is also being very generous in the divorce, I assume because of guilt. Now, he says he has made a big mistake, and wants to fix it. He wants me and our son back. He wants to come home and start over. I don't know if I can give him another chance. I had finally accepted the fact that our marriage was OVER. Should I give it more time, and see what changes he is willing to make?

Answer 1

He was cheating on you for 16 months! Are you serious? Go through with the divorce. Move on. Find someone better for you and your baby and take what he gives you in the divorce and then some. It was his fault. Take what you deserve. Not just what he gives you or you will go through your entire life not knowing that you deserve better.

Besides, what changes do you really want him to make? To stop sleeping with other people? Ridiculous and unacceptable. Someone like him should never have gotten married in the first place.  

Answer 2

The divorce process will take awhile so I would let it keep moving forward at this point.  You need to make sure that his reasons are about loving you and wanting to be with you forever, and you need to make sure you really want to be with him because you love him before you take him back.  It could just be that his other relationship didn't work out and so he wants back into this one so he won't be alone.

Answer 3

Allow the divorce to procede for now. If he really wants to be back, and be faithful, go to counselling, by yourself and as a couple. If he refuses, I don't think he's serious. But in the end it is up to you, can you forgive him? Can you learn to trust him?

Answer 4

His new friend dumped him because with the child support he would be paying there wouldn't be any money left to spend on her.

Answer 5

If he'll get marriage counseling and stop seeing her, it might be ok to stop the divorce but don't live together until your counselor says the issues have been resolved.

Answer 6

NO!  You should continue on with the divorce.  Find someone that will respect you.  It will be hard to let go.  He made his choice when he would not end it or go to counseling.  How can you trust him after that.  Hope things get better for you.  Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 7

WOW! Well a marriage should always be worked on no matter what happens the first time. Its the second and third and fourth time that you should always question. I think it would be a good idea to try and work it out. Not for your son but mostly for you. (your kids wont be happy until you are) Do you still love him are you still "IN" love with him? There are a lot of questions that you need to ask yourself. But you also have to remember that there will be lots of trust issues that will follow you in your relationship/marriage. If you think it would be worth it in the log run then go for it girl, go get em. But you just have to think of outcomes, future, and you!!

Good Luck.  

Answer 8

NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Take you , your child, and your dignity and walk away! Let him be a father now..but once a man does that ..its over. Things over at mistress' place must not be going too great! Take everything you can in the divorce that will make it easier for you and child..and get the heck on with your wonderful life!

Answer 9

HINT: It is over. Move on, move up.

Answer 10

No. Don't waste any more time with him. He was willing to play around, but when he found out the the grass isn't so green on the other side, he now wants you back.

Answer 11

This is the perfect time to get this guy to do some work for the relationship.  If he does the work that you ask, then I'd say that he is sincere.  Look, people have affairs.  The numbers are staggering.    

1.  if he has a drinking problem....time to get help.

2.  keep him out of the house and maybe start dating again set a goal, like 90 days, etc.  

3.  begin marriage counseling

4.  have your attorney stall things or put them on hold, but don't cancel the work that you have done.  

As my psychologist once told me:  "Affairs linger".  And he was so true.  I lost my ex to an affair, and she managed to get me to stall things for months, before I realized that her words were poison and were to only satisfy her fears of being alone in the world. In the end, I dumped her on her cheating head.  I find that it is better to be lonely than miserable. Good luck.  

Answer 12

So to correct his 'big mistake' you're going to compound yours by taking him back?

What are you....stupid? What makes you think he'll change. He refused counseling, refused to end the affair and refused every effort you made to attempt to get things to work. And you wonder if you should wait and see what he offers?

Did you ever stop to think why he's all of a sudden looking to make amends. Don't tell me you think its because he feels bad for you and junior. I can tell you this, he's only thinking about one person and that's himself. Whatever the reason may be it's one that he'll stand to profit by and not you. But go ahead...people have dug their own graves for less. Why should you be any different?

Answer 13

If you want to live in misery then you should take him back. When you take him back he will be a good boy for a few weeks/month and then he will be back to his old tricks. Once the trust is gone so is the relationship.

Answer 14

so he began cheating right after you gave him a son, the most special gift of all, then he admitted to cheating, didn't stop even though he got caught, and refused counseling , refused you and your new born , and now he wants a 2nd chance, how does that sound to you?!, cos to me , it seems you would be better off without him.

Answer 15

I think it is difficult to believe that he "suddenly" had a change of heart, especiall when he REFUSED counseling, ending the affair, etc.  Sounds like the g/f dumped him and he wants to run back to his one security...you!

Only you truly know whether he is being genuine.  I would think that he needs more time to himself to evaluate what he truly wants, and yes, he needs to PROVE his improvements, and is he REALLY willing to work on fixing whatever problems he perceived that caused him to cheat (especially for that length of time!).

As for you, the best thing I can suggest is make a list of PROS and CONS to working out the relationship or ending it.  And if you do want to work it out, make a list of things that you will not tolerate.  You have to be willing to walk away from it if he cannot correct his behavior!

Don't beat yourself up!  You are doing everything right--this is an ISSUE he has created for himself!

Answer 16

Nope.. he just got hit with the harsh reality that he may end up alone now.  If you take him back I guarantee you will find yourself in the same situation in the not so near future.  If you are in the mindset that you're ready to move on.. then keep going.  Why let yourself get hurt twice?

Answer 17

it's totally your choice. but since he's not willing to go to cousleing and take a good hard look at himself, what's the point. I'd say cash your chips in. I personally couldn't deal w/ my woman ******** some other guy and yelling out his name. don't know about you but that's just me.

d**n right he feels guilty, isn't that special.

If you're dealt w/ it phsychologically, I'd say go with that.

Trust me, you have all kinds of options out there.

BUT if you want to work on it and IF he's willing to go to couseling and do WHATEVER it takes, go for it...

in all boils down to what YOU want.