Should I tell everyone about our reception plans?

Question

My fiancee and I are very against drinking, so we have decided not to have any alcohol served at our reception. My parents, who have kindly offered to pay for the reception, have said they are ok with the no alcohol. The problem is my mother is insisting that we tell my future in-laws that there will not be any alcohol. We have already witnessed my future father-in-law ruin my future brother-in-law's graduation party because of his drinking (it only took 45 minutes for him to ruin the party). My future in-laws' drinking has made me very uncomfortable in their house and I have not been there since Christmas. My fiancee has also confronted his parents about their drinking problems, which has created some tension in our relationship with them. He and I also have many other relatives that take drinking too far. I don't want a scene to be caused because there is no alcohol. On the other hand, there most likely will be a problem when we do tell them that there is no alcohol. I am afraid of their reaction. We are not serving any alcohol regardless of whether we decide to tell everyone or not. Everyone is aware that neither my fiancee nor myself drink. I think it would look ridiculous to have everyone except the bride and groom drinking, not to mention how uncomfortable we'd be. My fiancee and I are both 28 years old and have decided not to drink, mostly because we know many people who are dead or dying from alcohol-related diseases or car accidents. Relatives will be invited who have done prison time for DUI and relatives will be invited who have Alpha-One Deficiency.

Should I tell everyone about the lack of alcohol at our reception?

Answer 1

people will assume there is alcohol so let them know.  They don't need to know the reasoning, maybe some VERY close friends. but the rest don't need to know.  Just say "no alcohol will be served. please respect our wishes". If they push it jsut say "niehter of us drink and don't feel comfortable with everyone around us drinking when we aren't" if they stillg et mad then tell them to go to a bar and don't come to your reception if they NEED alcohol that much.  I like to dirnk but I can go out without having a drink and have a blast (I do all the time when I'm Designated Driver).

on a side note, I am sorry to hear about the problems.  Very sad and very hard to deal with good luck to all of you!

Answer 2

You don't need to put it on your invitations for anything, but because alcohol is typically served and expected at receptions, it would be nice to give the family members a heads-up via word of mouth, especially since there's a chance they'll be upset about it, and you don't want to deal with their disapproval at the actual wedding. Give them some  time to accept it and move on.

I'm usually against having dry weddings, but because of your family history and the instances with the DUIs and such, I think it's incredibly responsible and admirable of you both. Kudos to you, and good luck.

Answer 3

I wouldn't feel the need to tell "everyone".  If you two have taken this stance, I'd imagine most of your friends and family know you don't drink and would probably expect you to make this choice.  I've been to a ton of weddings and there has only been alcohol at a couple of them (granted, most of them were at baptist churches).

In the case of your future inlaws, I'd just casually mention it to them in the context of sharing details with them about your reception.  You don't need to go into excuses or why, just be firm and inform them that's your choice.

Kudos to you!  I don't think alcohol is ever "necessary" for people to have a good time.  

Answer 4

you really don't need to, But I would.So that way if they are going to question the reasons why they do it before the wedding not the day of. You don't want to be trying to enjoy the big day with someone whining they have no booze... they will be well aware before hand!!

Answer 5

I don't see any reason to broadcast this fact to all your wedding guests, but I do think that you should tell your immediate families, in case anyone inquires.  This includes his immediate family.

Kudos for deciding against alcohol all together instead of having a cash bar.  That being said, if a bar is something that is expected in your area or social circle, I would spread the word.  I frown upon dry weddings, since the reception is for the guests, not for the bride and groom.  You may not approve of drinking, but some of your guests might want to enjoy a few drinks and not having a bar just because you don't drink (you said yourself everyone would be drinking but you and your groom) doesn't mean your guests shouldn't.  

Since you have already decided, then you might as well carry through with your plans.

Maybe try to have something to take the place of alcohol, maybe a coffee bar or something, just so the guests have a choice of beverage besides soda or water.

Answer 6

I don't think that you need to tell anyone. What's the big deal about not serving alcohol anyway? It's simply a personal choice that alot of couples make not to serve it. They are guests afterall - not in charge and not making the decision. Why should they care if you don't have it? If they know - will they bring their own and embarass you further? I didn't have to tell anyone that there was going to be no alcohol. You shouldn't have to - it's YOUR and your husband to be's decision. Who wants to feel responsible for people going home drunk and then finding out later - someone passed away going home from your wedding night? On the other hand, if your mother is footing the bill and she insists - then you simply tell only your future father and mother in law that although there will be no alcohol served at your wedding because you want a special atmosphere - anyone is free to have their own get togethers and drink afterwards or over the weekend of your wedding. If they get mad - oh well - they can have a wild drunken party any day of the week - this is YOUR wedding day. Remember, the wedding means nothing and feeling embarassed or having things go wrong means nothing - because a wedding day isn't indicative of how the rest of your lives together will be. Just keep thinking that you're on your way to the honeymoon the whole time and then you can let all of this kind of thing go on your big day. They can't spoil it no matter what they do. Just make sure not to leave 2-3 hrs inbetween the ceremony and the reception because that's another time they will all go out and drink and then arrive to the reception drunk anyway. I didn't leave any time inbetween since we did our special photos before the ceremony before the sweat and before we were feeling tired. That way - people went right from the ceremony to the reception with no time inbetween to go out and drink. After our wedding - alot of people had their own get togethers where they could enjoy their hard liquor.

Answer 7

Yes, of course you should tell family.

Answer 8

I think there might be some proper way to "announce" this, I'm just not sure what it is.  Maybe you should  include a note when you send out your invitations that says "Per request of the bride and groom, no alcohol will be served at the reception."

And if people have a problem with it, oh well.  It's you and your fiance's special day.  It's completely understandable, especially given the history you've given about the drinking problems within your families, that you wouldn't want alcohol at the wedding.  

Answer 9

If alcohol is traditionally served at events in their family, then it is a good idea to let them know in advance that it will be a dry wedding reception.  I , personally, would much rather have them throw their fits in advance of the wedding as opposed to at the reception,  They may still be annoyed, but at least they can get the bulk of it out of their systems prior to the big day.

We contemplated a dry reception, but agreed to only having beer and wine for similar reasons.  We've also told his parents that some of their friends will be refused alcohol if they arrive already intoxicated or if it becomes obvious that they have had too much.  Hard liquor is the bigger problem for his family and some were a little put out at first, but everyone is fine with it now.

Best wishes!!!!!!!!

Edited to add:  This isn't something that needs to be included or noted on an invitation though.  Spreading the news via word of mouth to people within the family is acceptable.  

I've attended numerous wedding receptions and many of them have been dry.  Most people are polite enough to simply enjoy what is being provided to them by the hosts.  

As an example, you wouldn't invite someone to your home for dinner and then run out to the store when the meal is on the table just to get their beverage of choice.  The same holds true for a wedding reception, the guest in your home will always enjoy what you have and the guests at the wedding reception will do the same.

Answer 10

With any "normal" (in quotes because normal doesn't exist) family I would recommend you tell them, with this family's history of alcoholism I have a different response.

I wouldn't tell them for this reason: do you want them sneaking it in or planning on "skipping out" at random times to go to a place that does have alcohol. If they show up and it's not there then there is nothing they can do about it, other than leave and then you can decide whether or not to let them back in. If know ahead of time you stand a chance of them putting a plan in place for them to get alcohol. Worse yet, you stand a chance of them just bringing their own. How upset would that make you?

Answer 11

i dont see the point in telling anyone unless they ask. recpetions arent about how drunk you can get, but to celebrate the union of 2 people. its your day, YOU decide what gets to go!!!

Answer 12

Frankly, if they're likely to cause a scene you want to tell them. It depends on them and how they're likely to behave, but I'd rather a guest threw a fit beforehand (preferably when I was on the other end of a phone line) than at my reception or, worse, my wedding. If they would refuse to come over something like that then it's entirely possible that they'd leave in pique when they find out and again, better when there's no other guests there for them to distress.

Best of luck with the situation.

Answer 13

No, I've been to plenty of wedding receptions without alcohol. No one should expect it. It's your reception and you have the right to serve whatever you want!

If they are angered over alcohol, then that shows what matters most to them.

You can have a good time without alcohol and you will save a lot of money.  

Answer 14

well if they are truly alcoholics and you tell them they will just sneak their own booze in anyway.  so if you don't tell them, they won't have time to think about a way around it.

Answer 15

I take it you have already booked the venue. What we did was find a venue we loved that prohibited alcohol and the problem was solved. Other than that, I don't think you should bring it up -- you'll simply have more headache and people bitching about it before then. While it is not your job to help or educate these people, I think if they show up and have a good time at your reception without alcohol, it will be a service to them. I think the most they will do when they find out about the no alcohol is leave, which is what they would have done if they had misused alcohol at your reception.