Should I tell her parents?

Question

I babysit a 4 year old girl whom I believe has mild autism. I don't know for sure, but I used to work in a private school with autistic and down syndrome children. I see some of the same behaviors and tendencies out of her as I did the other children. I was wondering if it is my place to mention it to her parents. I know that if diagnosed early it can be monitored and perhaps controlled. Am I way out of line? Would you want your babysitter to tell you or should I wait until she gets to school and see let the teachers deal with it? I feel a little uncomfortable about it, but I just want to have the child's best interest at heart.

Answer 1

as a mother, whether we were close or not, i'd want you to tell me. i've had people point out all kinds of things that could be "wrong" with my son, and i simply make a note to ask his doctor about it when we go in for check ups. i think you should just tell them (or maybe they even already know or suspect it). most, if not all parents compare the development of children to other children the same age to check the development of their child. you should tell them the signs that you see that could indicate her possibly being autistic and encourage them to research it on their own to see its not a life ending disability. if i were you, i'd tell them carefully, while letting them know that if diagnosed and treated early enough she has a better chance educationally and a better chance at a better quality of life. and remind the parents that many people with mild autism go on to lead long, healthy lives, they may just need developmental and educational assistance along the way. good luck.

Answer 2

i think as a good baby sitter

....u shud tell the parents

...but dont say that ur absolutely 100% sure that the child has it

just say that ur noticing some symptoms that the child has that may be due to autism

.....theyll prob check with a doctor to see if its true...and if anything...theyll be glad that u noticed this

Answer 3

what a tough conversation to bring up.  I think - if at all possible - try to keep it light, but I do think you need to mention it.  Stress your previous experience and recommend they see a specialist to either confirm or remove doubt.

My friend has a beautiful daughter who was diagnosed about a year ago, through a similar situation.  It was hard to hear at first but her daughter is the winner out of this.  She is now receiving the proper tutoring while she's young enough to benefit.

Answer 4

HEck ya!  tell them. Dont say Autism...just say you have noticed issues that they might want to bring to their Dr's attention and tell them the issues

Answer 5

Suggest not using the "A" word.   People are really repulsed by it.  I would mention that you used to work in a school and that from your experience she may have some delays.  Ask if anyone has had concerns about her development and if she is going to go to preschool this year.

Answer 6

I would tell the parents.  You just need to be sensitive to their feelings when you talk to them.  Many people don't understand Autism and it may seem to them you are telling them that their child has a defect or disability.

Your best bet may be to start up a conversation about the child's behavior.  For instance, you can engage them in a dialog like - "Have you ever noticed that she does XYZ?"  or "I've noticed that she won't XYZ, have you noticed that too?"  When you have gotten some confirmation from them about behavior, at that point, you could tell them about your experiences at the school, and sharing with them stories about some of the Autistic children who did or did not do some of the things their little girl is doing (or not doing).  Tell them how much you care for their little girl, and how special she is to you.  Make sure you let them know you only wish to bring this up because you are concerned, not to offend anyone or question their parenting.

Once you've let them know your concerns, it's up to them how they will proceed.  You can feel good about expressing your concerns no matter what the outcome.  Most people (myself included) would be grateful to any caregiver who expressed a concern.  Just imagine how wonderful it will be if they are able to get her some help right away, instead of waiting a few years until someone else mentions it.

You have a good heart and I wish you the best.  

Answer 7

Yikes I am on the fence with this one. If you are really good friends with the family and they know the experience you've had with autistic children, they may appreciate you mentioning it to them. If you haven't known them very long, they may find it offensive. Tough one!

Answer 8

Close or not I could see this one backfiring in your face and you being told to mind your own business. It would be different if they knew your background and asked you flat out "I have a concern and want to know what you think about___", but this doesn't sound like the case. I'm sure if there were something to cause concern the doctor would have handled it with them all ready and if there were it doesn't mean that they need to tell you as a babysitter about their child's medical issues or diagnoses at a doctors or not.

Just because you used to work with a school that specialized with children of special needs doesn't mean you are qualified to diagnose anyone else's child. It's a fine line and I wouldn't step over it if I were you.  Even if they didn't react upset, trust me, it would change things in the sitter/family relationship which may not be for the better.

Answer 9

NO. It is by no means your place. It will back-fire on you. You never know how some parents are going to react to something like that.  

Answer 10

I think if you have a good relationship with the parents, and you handle it correctly it should be fine. I have had 2 separate people come to me about my older son. First was a friend who babysat for him occasionally. She came up to me and said " normally I would not dare to say something like this to a parent, but I know that you know I am saying this because I like your family" then proceeded to tell me that my son reminded her of her daughter who had been diagnosed with ADHD. I was actually in the process of gathering info for the doctor to get a diagnosis (which I did).

The second person to approach me was my sitter. Her mother was a school nurse years ago. apparently  they chat about the kids she sits for. the mother comes over regularly enough that the kids know her by name. She asked the sitter if my son had ever been screened for autism. Both the sitter and I laughed it off because my son is not stereotypical autistic...he is outgoing and talkative and very bright. Fast-forward  about 3-4 years...my son was diagnosed at age 11 as having PDD-NOS (which is on the spectrum!)

I think your best bet is to tell her how much you enjoy her child, name a few of her daughter's strengths, and then tell her that you are concerned about her daughter's development. Let her know that you used to work with kids with delays and you "think" you may see some potential issues with her daughter. Then direct her to the local schools to have an evaluation done. They HAVE to do an eval if the parents come to them with a suspected disability AND the treatment is preschool based therapy (free in most cases).

hope this helps.

Answer 11

do more research on autism, print out an info sheet about it. Sit down and have a talk with her parents. They need to know.