Should I tell him now, or wait?

Question

Long story short...I had an mri on my head 3 weeks ago, found out that i have a tumor in my head....The problem is, My husband is deployed, they say never tell your husband bad news when he's deployed...I know he will take it very hard, but im having a hard time myself, not telling him..Do i tell him, or wait a few months until he comes home? Whats the best thing to do?

Answer 1

I agree with Carmine Carmelo IV. How bad is it?

How long does he have in Iraq left?

Answer 2

wow ... i'm so sorry to hear about your situation. i know they say not to tell them bad news, because it distracts them from their mission.

but, i would tell him. for one ... he is your husband and he deserves to know ... especially about something so serious. i mean, it's better to come from you than from red cross ... get what i'm trying to say?

well ... good luck and hope it all works out for the best!

Answer 3

You need to tell him. I understand he is deployed but do your Red Cross paper work and then tell him whats going on and to expect the Red cross message. Soldiers are Soldiers but they are also Husbands, fathers, etc and deserve to be at home when they are needed. He is serving his country now let him come home and serve there.

Answer 4

I think a lot depends on the prognosis and how long before he comes home.  If you are going to be having surgery he should be told.  If you are going to first only get Chemo and/or radiation therapy to see if that does not resolve the problem then that is not near as risky as surgery per say.  On the other hand if you are going to be scheduled for surgery I would certainly tell him.  

Answer 5

I'm sorry to hear about this,in this situation it is a really hard judgment call on you re part after being in Iraq twice and worrying about my wife and her welfare and the distractions he already has especially if he is just a couple of months from coming home , personally i would talk to you health care provider and find out how serious this is ( i know regardless it is serious ) but just find out, also talk to you're FRG leader and use the resources you have for advice if you have a good FRG Leader they will bend over backwards to help you. And on the other hand if this was my wife i would want to know but yes it would also make me ineffective at my job ,so i understand its a 2 lane highway and your stuck on the median .  

Answer 6

Wait til he comes home, he needs to have a clear head. It'll only be a few more months. Hang in there.  

Answer 7

That's a hard question, and I'm sorry about your situation. It's totally up to you. If it were me and I trusted my significant other completely, I would tell her right away just because honesty is such a big thing with me. If you'd rather wait until he gets back, it's understandable and selfless. I'd just lean towards telling him now so you don't have to be alone during this. :)

Answer 8

I am really sorry to hear that and I hope you get better. That is a difficult decision and it must be very hard to hold it from him. I would say wait til he comes back to tell him. Either way it is going to be hard on him. I am sure he will want to be right there with you. I would just be afraid it my interfere with him on the frontlines. But I also on the other hand think he would want to know. I am sorry if I am not much help. That is my opinion tho.

Answer 9

I am so sorry...I hope that you've got options about recovery for this.  I would contact your husband's first sergeant or commander or even family services.  See if they can get you in contact with your husband and tell him via video conference.  Then, see if they can also bring him home for this obvious family emergency.  It cannot be healthy for you to hold this information inside...it's bound to be very stressful.  Plus, any treatment you need, you need your husband by your side.  

Answer 10

wow... im so sorry. and thats a hard question. but i would say just wait until he gets home. you don't want him getting really mad over there and going crazy. if you wait, he wont put him self in the danger that is possible overseas. you can talk face to face, hug, and tell him why you didnt want to tell him.