Should I tell his wife?

Question

Ok, yea - if you're going to tell me how wrong I am for being a 'homewrecker' and all, don't bother answering. I need the opinion of people who are NON-JUDGEMENTAL, k?

I've been a mistress to a married man for 2+ years and all of a sudden he started ignoring me. No explanation, no i-cant-do-this-anymore, nothing. I get really angry when people do that and I'm seriously thinking of just telling his wife of his activities for the past 2+ years. I mean, if its going to be over, he needs to tell me, right? How do I approach the subject without sounding psycho? If he continues to ignore me, should I tell his wife? Any thoughts?

Answer 1

Yes tell his wife.

Maybe she will divorce him so you can have him all for yourself if that's what you truly want.

Answer 2

He's probably having personal family issues, and might be trying to keep you free of them. Or he could have found someone else. Don't do something for vengeance. It could all come back to you. Just move on. There are other men out there who are more eligible.  

Answer 3

yes I would want to know I am sure she knows something is up anyway.But I do have to say you are pathetic.There are so many single people and you have to find someone who already has a  partner.Dirty trash is all you are!!!!!!!

Answer 4

Too late.

Answer 5

I imagine she already knows, and possibly the reason he is now ignoring you.

Answer 6

no thats just wrong;

maybe he realized that wat he was doin isnt rite;

imagine if he has kidds yur ruining their lives also.

cuz most likely theyll get divorced;

so just let it be ;

get someon else. ;]

Answer 7

thats cheap! you entered a relationship with a married man! maybe he went back to his wife eh LOL...why don't you find suitable unmarried man to make your own :)

Answer 8

From a non-judgmental person. You are sounding psycho. Lets see now, you are not a homewrecker but you are wrecking a mariage. You are not a howwrecker but you are a mistess to a married man. You get really mad when people ignore you. You want revenge. ANNDDDD you think you are not psycho? You brought it on. Deal with the consequences. I think --from a non-judgmental point of view--- you should just move on to maybe trying to find some young boys or something. Sounds about yer speed!!!!!!!!!!!  

Answer 9

Let me give you some advice - his wife knows. The wife always knows or suspects.

You can tell her - its evil and mean but what will it achieve? She isn't going to ask you to coffee so the two of you can confront him together. She will call you a w***e and a witch and other words I can't type here.

She will blame you, forgive him and he will despise you.

You paid your money you took your chances and you lost

Answer 10

No.  I had an affair for over 2 years in the past.  She told my wife and gave her all the cards and letters I sent her.  Needless to say, we got divorced.  The only reason I didn't end up with the other woman is because of her actions.  I think you should just walk away from him and not look back.  Trust me, you will do more harm than good by telling his wife.  She will eventually find out on her own.

Answer 11

Yeah.  You knew you were doing wrong.  You were doing as much wrong to his wife as he was.  Perhaps he has found someone new, perhaps he has just figured out what a f**king a$$hole he has been to his wife, but in either case...

It never ends well for the mistress.  Take it as a lesson learned.  A lesson learned the HARD WAY.  Leave him and his wife, and his life... alone.  Move on.  He'll have to live with the guilt until he confesses, and that's his punishment enough.  It's not your place to blow the lid off it, just out of spite.

You hurt.  I understand that.  But, move on.  Understand that there are better men out there for you.  Ones that aren't already committed, that would fit your bill just as well if not better.  So let him go as a loser that couldn't be man enough to end it with either you or his wife.  

Answer 12

What makes you think she doesn't already know? Maybe that is why you haven't heard from him. If you insist on making sure she knows if he doesn't talk, then just send him a text that says tell you me why it is over or you tell her.....

Answer 13

From your explanation you most certainly know the role you would be subject to; you yourself have identified your position as "mistress". That in no way entitles you to any rights let alone hurt a woman that you do not even know nor is she the one that has caused you any harm.

The fact that you stood in an uncommitted role for two years is the price you pay. It is what it is...Believe what he said, and start your healing process. And ask yourself why in the world would you want more from a man that lies to his wife. He made vows to her in from of their family and friends to honor her so in essence he lied to them too.

Did you really think he would respect you. For all you know she is already living in her silent h**l, don't rub it in.

Answer 14

Get over it ...he was/is married. You dont have the right to be angry with him he was never your anything.  It is not worth your time.  If he could do this to his wife for 2+ why would he care about blowing you off.  He is the lowest of the low and full of lies.  I dont think it your place to tell the wife its not gonna get you anywhere.  Stay out of her life and let her realize her husband is cheating on her own.  Chance are she knows

Answer 15

I have to agree with MOG.  Don't tell his wife because you don't want to look like a psycho and disrespect your "boyfriend"! He will resent the fact that you told his wife and that Will create even more problems for you.  Plus this is what you don't understand.  She is married to him and there is a good chance that she already knows that something is going on.  Women are not that stupid and she probably said something to him.  Maybe she issued him an ultimatum and demanded that he drop you, and he's going along with it.  How long have they been married?  If it's been awhile, chances are she is going to fight for him and he is going to cave and stay with his wife.  

I agree that he should have let you know what's going on.  There are 2 possibilities here.  The first is that he wants to keep you around by not telling you it's over.  Right now you're in limbo but he assumes you are still around for him.  If he tells you it's over, then he is going to have to face hurting you and he's probably not prepared for that.  There's a good chance that you will cry and will convince him to not end things with you.  So ignoring you is just the easy way out.  Sorry!  

Answer 16

Hmmm.   I think you should just leave him alone.  He has probably found another woman or has had more than you and his wife all along.  

My concern is more for you.  Do you look for "taken" men?  Treat yourself with respect, why would you want someone's leftovers?  I myself was a mistress once and I realized I had low self esteem.  It only brought me down to know I was second best.  Leave him alone and get yourself strong so you can find a man that is worthy of your love.

Answer 17

First thing you need to realize is that he's married. What commitment did he have to you? None. So in his mind, he probably feels no obligations or pressure. Secondly, I think you do sound a bit pyscho. You want to tell his wife, but only because he's ignoring you? What kind of c**p is that?

But yes, I think you should let the wife know. If I were her, I'd want that knowledge. But for your sake, you should probably just move on. It was a mistake for you to get involved with a married man in the first place. It would be one thing if they were separated, but he wasn't. He went behind her back in deceit, and you allowed him into your life knowing this full well. How can you feel upset over anything? Why aren't you more angry at yourself for choosing to do such a thing?

I hope you never get married to someone and have them do that to you. Because then you might just know how this woman  will feel.  

Answer 18

Why hurt people just because he is hurting you? You won't just be hurting him if you  tell her, but her. Maybe he deserves it, but does she? If you want to hurt him, just walk away, with not further contact. Don't answer the phone when he calls, don't call him, don't answer the door, no conversation of any kind. WOW.  Trust me... that will drive him crazy and be good for you... in the long run. You will have more pride left if you end it ... than if you let him end it.

Answer 19

you already sound psycho.  did you honestly think that a relationship with a married man was going to last 'forever'?

seriously.  get real.  get over it.  find someone single.

Answer 20

Honestly..his wife should know. Trust me, this has happened to me but i was the wife. Yes it will hurt her, but finding out later on that her husband did that to her...she deserves to know!

Good luck!

Answer 21

Telling his wife isn't going to change the fact that you got dumped.

Answer 22

Well you should tell him that if he doesn't start treating you better, that your gonna tell his wife. If he doesn't beleive you, TELL HIS WIFE!!!

Answer 23

You were very foolish for messing with a married man, are you going to continue playing the fool? Move on and don't fool around with married men.

Answer 24

Ok, here is the problem, if he is cheating on his wife with you, what makes you think he would not leave you for someone else? I think the big question is why were you with him for so long. I can understand a fling, but what did you really want? Marriage, family. Yes he should have not done that to you. Ask yourself what would you want as his wife, some other women telling her or him.  

Answer 25

Don't ruin his wife's life just because he's doing the right thing

you've done enough

who the h**l is going to be un-judgemental to a person that wrecks a home

i hope someone does that to you someday

Answer 26

Yes he should have told you he was going to end the relationship because two years is a long time to be with someone regardless of the circumstances.  There are people who do this same thing to others and they are not even married, if you know what I'm saying, a man or woman decides to end it and never tells the other person why.  It's hurtful.  You could tell his wife, it's up to you, but even if his wife left him he would probably resent you for telling.      

Answer 27

I don't recommend telling his wife.  If you didn't know he was married in the beginning, you've certainly known for some time.  With this being the case, you knew what you were getting yourself into.  You had to know that it was likely to end, either when he decided to work things out with his wife or when it ended after she left him.  Revenge won't make you feel any better in the long run.  Let it be.  Karma will probably take care of both of you.  Don't make it any worse on yourself.

Answer 28

Personally, I don't really know why you'd want him anyways.

I'm sort of speaking from "experience" here.. .not in the sense that my now-fiance was married when we started seeing each other, but he was dating someone else.... I was the girl on the side.  

The one big thing that I had to learn really quickly was that I was always the "backup".  I didn't get holidays with him, I didn't get time with him unless he could explain it to his girlfriend why he wasn't around, etc. etc. ...  it's messy, and it sucks.  Not only did it kill my self-respect, it ruined how people around me perceived me, too.  It's not a good feeling.

The biggest thing that I learned was that when he "went missing" when he finally broke things off with the girlfriend, and then conveniently showed up at my door weeks later, I knew the truth..... he was doing to me what he did to her.  I wouldn't want anyone else to go through it.

Aside from that, having been on both sides of this at one point or another, I believe that the wife deserves to know  BUT you shouldn't be the one to tell her.  I'd force his hand so that he tells her himself.  If you randomly show up and start telling her everything, he'll find every reason in the book to tell her that you have no idea what you're talking about and that you're just some psycho who is odviously deranged and mixing him up with someone else (Yes, I have actually had this excuse told to me when I caught my guy cheating in the early stages of the relationship).  If he tells her himself, you're not the psycho... he's just the a*sshole.  That's how it should be.

Answer 29

Your just looking for revenge nothing else...pathetic!  

Answer 30

if his wife and him are happy and if hes breaking up with you.

than leave it alone. and i think what your trying to say is you want revenge.

and no offense.

BUT i dont think you should be messing with married people anyway.

Answer 31

Dont tell his wife. First of all... The wife always knows something is up. You are the mistress, not the girlfriend, not the wife... NOTHING. Just the girl he slept with. If you thought it was more, then that is your problem. Most likely his concious has caught up with him and he's done. Can't blame him for wanting to be an honest person again.