Should I tell my daughter that my husband is not really her bilogical father?

Question

When I was 17 I dated a guy who was my bestfriend since childhood, and we went to homecoming together and we ended up making love, and I got pregnant. And the man I had my daughter with lived in a Military family, and they had to move. Then about 2 weeks after they moved I found out I was pregnant, and the place where I lived it was illegal for a minor to get pregnant. And my family moved away, and I lost contact with him. And my daughter knows that she was conceived before her father and I got married. But we never told her that my husband isn't her real father. And about 2 months ago my husband passed away.

Then today I got a letter for my High School Reunion, and it had all the names of the people who graduated from their the same year, and what they were doing with their life, and had a pic of their high school pic.

My daughter saw it and started looking at their pics and stuff and then she saw her REAL fathers pic, and looked really shocked (she looks alot like him).

And then she acted weird for the rest of the night before she went to bed.

Should I tell her? If so How should I tell her?

Answer 1

well, you haven't said how old your daughter is. Some people will tell you that "you shouldn't have lied to her" ...don't listen to them. You have not lied to her, you have been protecting her as any mother in your situation would do. If she is young, I would just wait unless she asks you a question. If she asks, its important that you are honest with her at a level that she can understand. If she is of school age then I would be inclined to say say something to her but I wouldn't say anything like "____ (your husbands name) isn't your dad" because this may upset her. She will probably always feel that he was her father. It will be just as hard for you as it will be for her. She will need to know eventually and she has that right but don't let anyone make you feel as if though you have lied to her because you have not. Protecting her while she is young is whats important. I'm sorry for your and your daughters loss.  

Answer 2

It depends, how old is she and do you really think that she's ready to hear it? If you end up NOT telling her, then she finds out later on, she might get mad at you for not telling her. But, if you do tell her,  she might completely freak out and be in denial but sooner or later, she will accept it ( i hope! ).

Let's say you DO want to tell her then the question now is HOW?

Sit her down, give her a something to hug, like a pillow. WARNING: DO NOT GIVE A DRINK! ( she might be so in shock that she might choke on the water. ) Then tell it to her. Spend the rest of the night comforting her and spend some time with her.

* This is a bonus, if she wants you to, you could tell her your story!

Answer 3

i think she figured it out shes 17 shes not 2 just tell her anyway she deserves to know.

Answer 4

TELL her! she needs to know. & she's probably already trying to put it together. you want to keep an open & honest relationship w/ your daughter! if you don't tell her now, then she end up resenting you later on. & plus maybe she'll want to meet him. BUT explain how it worked with him going to the homecoming w/ you & everything!  

Answer 5

We are talking about your daughter here, she needs to and should know the truth, now how are you going to look in here eye if you lie or don't say anything. she deserves better and you need to get the truth out in the open.  God Bless.

Answer 6

Yes it is her right to know.

Answer 7

i know how this goes. my mom had the same problem with me only my "father" didnt pass away. they got divorced and he moved away. i was 12 years old. i grew up thinking that this guy was my father. im 20 now and to answer your question ABSOLUTELY you should tell her. she deserves to know who her dad is. i dont know how old your daughter is but i found a picture of my real dad also and i look just like him i acted funny around my mom because i knew that he was my dad. i dont know if she knows or not but my mom finally told me and im not gonna lie i was sooooo mad at her for lying to me for 12 years. but in the long run her telling me made us closer. i was mad at her for the first couple of days but she brought me to see him and ever since then my mother and i have been fine.

its not going to be easy because if shes a teen or close to it she got an attitude im sure and shes going to be hurt that you lied to her about something like this. now telling her is the hard part. my mom sat me down and told me she had something important to talk to me about. she told me about how and when she got pregnant and why my dad left and all of that. its just one of those things that you have to just come out and tell her. there is no sugar coating it or beating around the bush. good luck <3

Answer 8

im 12... my mom thinks i dont know alot of things... she knows or at least has the feeling...... kids know alot more then u think so just give her the details (like what happened) tell her she is sorry

R.I.P god bless you husband youu and you daughter

Answer 9

She definatly has the right to know. Its easier to do these things before they get much older. Just sit her down and tell her you need to talk. Just carefully explain the situation and who her real father is and give her some time to take it all in. She might be grumpy for a few days. Just stay calm and be the for her because she will need someone. Good luck xx

Answer 10

YES U NEED TO TELL HER!!!!!!!!!!!! You kind of made it harder by waiting so long!! Tell her you are very sorry you didn't tell her in the first place but you feel she needs to know that your hubby isn't her dad!! I believe she already has a start on the idea of him as her father but she needs to know the truth!!! Good Luck

Answer 11

When you start to raise this question as you feel prompt in some sort of way, it is usually best to just follow you instincts.

Personally, I would let her know, as long as you have patience and understanding to however she reacts to the news. She needs you to support her at such a difficult time, but if you are there for her, hopefully she will eventually accept. :)

Answer 12

It is something i would like to know. I think u should tell her. Just tell her the truth, that's all u can do.

She deserves to know where she came from and then she can make a decision on where this information will take her and if she will pursue a relationship with her biological father or not.

It will be hard but must be done.. All the best

Answer 13

i think you should tell her. just stay calm and talk in a very relaxed voice.

Answer 14

TELL YOUR DAUGHTER!!

SHE HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW WHO HER REAL FATHER IS..

IT'S UNFAIR FOR HER TO BE LIED TO.....

JUST SIT DOWN AND TELL HER THE TRUTH!!!