Should I tell my ex or not?

Question

Well, we were never married, but we were together for 6 years and have 2 little ones. We have been separated since 6 months ago. The main reason was because during those 6 years we had been living with his parents and they were ok only that he was tooooo close with his mom and she would be in the middle of everything. He wasn't willing to leave them so I left with the kids, got an apartment, furnished the apartment myself. Meanwhile, we have been seeing each other and I keep asking him to leave and come live with me and the kids and he's just like give me some time. But you know I just got fed up with waiting for him. He only comes over the weekends, now this is not a baby he's 35 years old. I have to admit, last week I met a guy and I kind of like him but I still feel love for my kids' father. Should I sit down with him and be honest about what's happening or should I keep waiting? I really like this guy, but not really sure of what to do.

Answer 1

Unless his parents have significant health problems, there is no reason for him to be living at home.  He's scared of making a real commitment to you.  You should be open and honest with him and let him know that you are ready to make the next step or move on to a relationship with someone who wants to do the same.  You should also consider filing for child support since you are living and supporting your children as a single mom.

Answer 2

You need to sit him down explain that you cant wait forever to settle down and ask him once more to commit himself and move in with you and your two children , explain to him that you have seen someone who you may like but with feelings for him in the way you need to know what his intentions are before making your own decision about dating this other guy. This will make him realise that you are not some ornament that he can leave on the shelf and pick up when it suits him . This might even make him come to his senses and grow up enough to leave his mums apron strings. good luck but dont hang around too long for something that might not happen

Answer 3

Communication is very important and so most certainly you should discuss what your feeling and experiencing at present.  At least then he will know that you cannot nor will not wait around forever while he decides when to leave the womb.  Sounds like a real case of co-dependency and one that may be too old to do anything about.  If you two were to attend some form of counseling for couples it may be of assistance but both have to be open minded and mature about what is being said.  Best of luck,

Answer 4

you ex bf should grow up and take care of his family. just forget about him move on and go out and have fun with this new guy  

Answer 5

Wow, 6 yrs is a long time to wait for someone who obviously doesn't want to leave his mom & be a husband & father.Sit down & tell him what your feeling & about this other guy.You deserve to have happiness & love in your life & if this guy can't give you that then you need to tell him.How much longer are you going to wait 4 him?He's always going to be the father of your children&a part of your life,but what if this new guy is the one,and you let him go because your waiting for someone who just doesn't want to be with you.

Answer 6

Your old boy friend is not really a man and the longer he stays with his mum the less likely to leave her. Continue with your new man and see where it will lead.  But be careful you do not have another baby with either man!

Answer 7

After 6 years you might have a common law marriage. Check with your local laws. If so you will need a divorce in my eyes to move on. If no common law marriage. Move on now, After 6 years he isn't going to marry you. He has it too good with his mommy. Now that you have your own place go after child support. He is the kids dad and needs to support them. I would tell the other guy about what's going on. If this new guy truly loves you he will understand.

Answer 8

i would wait until i'm sure that the guy u just met will stick around b4 telling ur kids father because in the end u might be left alone.

Answer 9

He is 35 and won't move out of mommy's house??  What took you soooo long to move on?

Answer 10

No way, keep some on the side to get the edge off.  

Answer 11

Ok, there are a lot of things going on here.

First:  what type of role model do you want for your children?  Do you want them to grow up to be completely dependant on you like he is with his mom?  

Second:  Is it really the time to move on with someone new?  You don't have to be in a relationship with this new likable guy, just a friendship for now.

Finally:  You absolutely need to get down to brass tacks with your children's father.  If you want him to live you and the kids, lay it on the line.  You, and your children, deserve a full-time man, not a weekend daddy.  If he doesn't love you enough to live with you and HIS children, maybe you should consider whether or not you should have any kind of relationship with him.  

Why would you WANT someone who isn't willing to be with you full time?  This is a question you desperately need an answer to.  If he won't move in, you need to set up visitation rights, and tell him you'll be looking for someone new to share your life with.

Answer 12

Ask him why doesn't he want to move in with you - why does he still want to be living there - maybe he has issues that you're not really aware of - maybe he's afraid. But when you do ask him, don't say anything bad, no negative comments. Find out first, then decide whether you want to wait or not. Do you have love for your kids' father or are you still in love with him - there's a big difference.  

Answer 13

Wow he has to grow up and take responsibility ... seems like he is never going to though. Give him some time line tell him if in one month  you are  not here with me and the kids then that is it and that you will be moving on with ur life.

Based on what you said, he will not change, however since you love him you need to give him that chance and if he is stil not stepping up then you know what to do.

Good luck.

Answer 14

How much more time does a 35 yr old man want???  He clearly doesn't want to break the ties with his family or he would have done so 15 yrs ago!!  

The Lord put a fork in your road...  He gave you the strength to move out & you did.  He then brought you a fabulous man to whom you can actually have an adult relationship with. The deal is this...  He also gave you freedom of choice!  You get to choose!!!  

When we stay in the same repetitive cycle, nothing changes.  But this isn't what life is supposed to be about!  It's an adventure, full of love & life, only if you choose it.  Be Happy!  Have FUN!  And Live Life to the Fullest!  Never let someone drag you down or along for any type of unfullfilling life...  

Answer 15

Do what YOU want to do and stop waiting on him. Your ex is obviously doing what he wants to do.