Should I tell my friend her ex cheated on her? ?

Question

My friend Beth divorced her husband about 3 years ago. It was an amicable divorce and there were no children involved, although she has a child from a former marriage. Shortly after their divorce I heard from a very reliable source that her husband had been cheating on her with a co-worker the entire time they were married. I didn't tell Beth at the time because I didn't want to hurt her. Now she has started seeing the ex again and I can tell she has stars in her eyes and thinks this is leading to them getting back together. My source tells me her ex is still involved with the co-worker. She has a really good job and I think the ex misses the lifestyle he had with her. I can see where he would want her back to raise his standard of living. Now do I keep my mouth shut and let her go back into this relationship, or do I tell her what I know. I hate to not say anything especially since there is a child involved with a step daddy moving in and out of her life, plus STD's are rampant these days. I know if I tell her she is going to be upset with me for not saying something 3 years ago, but I thought the bum was gone for good and didn't want to hurt her. What do I do?

Answer 1

NORMALLY, I would instantly say not to get involved, but under THESE circumstances, I have to say she needs someone who cares about her to step in and save her.  

I was in a very similar situation once, and yes, he was upset that I did not tell him earlier, but after he found out I was telling the truth and realizing what a difficult position it had put me in, all was forgiven.  Thankfully, he divorced the bit** instantly and refuses to acknowledge her existence.  

This will not be easy for you to do, be careful, and please do not be hurt when her anger does come out on you - once she has time to get over the pain, she will forgive you.  As her friend, you do need to tell her.  I feel for both of you on this - how awful.  

Answer 2

The right thing to do is tell

her imagine she found out that you knew and you did not tell her

go for it !

but buy loads of tissues cuz there will be tears goodluck

x x x

Answer 3

tell her.

Answer 4

You did the right thing not to tell her before because you didn't want to ruin their marriage. But now, you must tell her before she gets involved in a relation with a bad man. She will eventually know, let her know now before it is too late.  

Answer 5

show her this question in stead of saying it in words x

Answer 6

I normally stay out of these kinds of things. . . .but in this case. . .I'D TELL !

Answer 7

here is a problem that has a solution but are you willing to lose your friend if she chooses to believe him over you.  There is a very good chance that if push came to shove and she has starting seeing him again that could possibly be the outcome.  Now if she is your best friend and you love her as such then you need to be the bigger person here and tell her even though you risk not having her in your life after,  but as a consolation when and it will end she will know that you were the best friend that you could be to her and you did try to warn her about his behavior.  If it was me I would tell her because even if she dont want to listen I could not carry that baggage around.  Whatever you choose to do good luck and remember to let her live and learn we all have too

Answer 8

Something like this, you def should tell her. You may and may not want to tell her how long her ex has been seeing this co-worker but you should warn her. After all she should take her decision carefully. So she needs to know everything.

However always remember while telling her that you don't decide things for her. She has to take her own decisions in life so let her be aware and decide things.  

Answer 9

If you are 100% sure (not 99%), you should tell her.

You could tell her that you have heard that the ex is seeing a co worker now at the same time which is true. If further things come out say then that you also heard that he has been seeing her for some time, that you were not sure it was true but that you feel that it was. The words will come when you start speaking with her. However, the only look out is that she may not speak with you for a while. But, she would definitely not speak with you if she finds out and that you knew all the time. Either way you must tell her, you are her friend and that is what friends do, they look out for their pals... Good luck

If you still feel that you are chicken, send her anonymous letter!! I know that is naughty but it has to be your secret it you do that

Answer 10

Tell her straight up. You were there before, during and after. It's all starting over again.

There is more at stake than just a loser of a partner, he could possibly brought something else home from work. To be honest i wouldn't waste a minute. If she starts falling for the sleeze so quick every bit more time he can weaseled his way back into a comfort zone! call her up and let her know what has been going on and explain to her why you didn't tell her before.

Answer 11

You should tell her if you're really so sure about what is going on, you're her friend and if you're a good friend you should tell it to her..

You know in life there are such things that has to be done even it will going to hurt someone just to see the truth. It is the best thing to do coz you know why... Right now your friend is happy but how about in the future, lets say 2-5 years form now and she knew that she was being cheat, it'll going to hurt her so badly for sure, she'll going to think that maybe she just dated other guy.

If she'll going to be happy, she'll going to be happy without having regrets and for her whole life not like what is happening with her now. And as for you, just tell her, i know she'll going to get mad or upset for not telling her before but right now that is the right thing to do. She is your friend, so don't let your friend stepped by someone else okey...

Answer 12

Yeah, tell her.  At least that way she can pay more attention to things and might smarten up.  But it may also lead to some very hard feelings for a while... so be prepared!

Answer 13

i'm torn on this question. i'm not sure what the best thing to do is, but if i were in your shoes, i'd keep my mouth shut. even though your source of this information is "reliable", he or she still may not know the truth for sure. you could tell your friend that you heard from someone that he's cheating, but then you'd be involving yourself in some major drama.

you do need to ask yourself, if you were in her shoes, would you want her to tell you that you're being cheated on? if you are close enough to this friend of yours & you think she would want to know, then tell her.

best of luck!