Should I tell my mother I was raped 17 years ago?

Question

I was raped while in high school. I was drunk, had snuck out to go to a party. Two boys I knew walked me home. They raped me in a school yard. Told me not to tell or the same thing would happen to my sisters. I was also a virgin. I didn't tell anyone until 4 years ago when I met my husband. I have a therapist now and she is helping me. I want to tell my mom ( never my dad) and my sisters now because I need their support but I am not sure if I should or how I should.

Answer 1

Well, getting raped is something very serious. You can't regret not telling her-why? because you cant go back in time and change it. Now, im assuming that you are going to tell you mom & sisters about what happened. You're next question is where/how do i tell them? Have them all over for dinner, or you could go to a restaurant. if not, just have them all gathered together with yourself. You could start off with a few normal conversations.. but now you have to get to the news. "Well the main reason why i invited you guys over tonight was because i have something to tell you.." then tell them the story. Probably the worst that they could say would be "why didnt you tell us?". So, with that, you shouldnt be worried to tell them. after they know, assure them that you wouldn't like your father to know the information. I hope you can make the right decision using my advice, and i wish you the best of luck. thanks.

Answer 2

do they know the reason you are going to a therapist ??

just tell them you need some family support because... and tell them why . i think it would relieve a huge pressure of you and help make your therapist visits a lot easier. There will be a lot of emotion from your family, but good emotion. Please do tell your whole family (including dad), it will relieve so much for you and them . PS. have your husband there, as he does know about it and can be there for a bit of background support

good luck

Answer 3

OMG! What is wrong w/u? Why didn't u tell her b-4? Honestly I don't know how ur g2 tell them but u have 2 somehow. Try bringing up a subject close to that time like, "remember that party we had in high school that i wasn't suppodsed 2 go?" Do they know u snuck out? I think you should tell ur sisters first b4 ur mom to c their reaction first. Then maybe if ur smart enough 2 think that maybe your mom might have the same reaction. Maybe she'll cry or yell at you & break down in tears. Best wishes 2 u && good luck.

Answer 4

Maybe this is something you should decide for yourself.  You said you are going to a therapist, and i am sure your therapist would be willing to help you work through this to make a good decision.

I'll bet the therapist would also help you tell your parents, by inviting them to a session.

I'm so happy that you're in therapy for this -- but so very sorry for what you've been through.

i hope you get good answers here, also.

Answer 5

Tell them the truth, you were not at fault but this is what drinking does to people.

Answer 6

You should most definitely tell your mother and sisters. Start out by telling your mother; just tell her the truth word for word, then ask her for help telling your sisters. Such memories can only leave heavy scars if kept inside.

After you tell your family, you should tell the police. If it happened to you, these animals have probably done it more than once. Depending on where you live, the statute of limitations on rape may have already expired, or there may not even BE a statute of limitations. People such as these are the skidmarks on the underpants of society; they most definitely deserve to be punished.

Best of luck to you and your family.

Answer 7

I think you should tell your mother and sisters, i am sure they will help you through this!

You should sit them down and talk with them, this isn't something you'd like to talk about over the phone, i hope this helped :/

Answer 8

OMG you should have told her 17 years ago and the cops

Answer 9

Yeah and then take it to Steve Wilkos or Court.

Answer 10

yes tell her. she cant be mad at anything besides you not telling earlier. she will probably cry but tell her its no ones fault besides those guys who hurt you.

Answer 11

You shouldnt.  It was long time ago and it would hurt your mother.  You cant change the past and telling her the story will make her feel like mother who wasnt there for you when you needed.  Go, take psychiatric help if you need it.

Answer 12

Depends on what your mother is like. I too was raped--on my 16th birthday and I told my mom about it about 6 weeks later and she felt the need to call a rape crisis center cause SHE couldn't deal with it. And my dad said "why is she telling us now, is she pregnant?".

If you feel that your family will support you, then tell them. If your husband sticks by your side and you think that the family will blame you, then don't tell them. Only YOU can decide if you should tell them. I wish you the best!

Answer 13

first of all, you got drunk without someone to watch you, and make sure nothing happened, second of all, its sad that you couldn't tell sooner, if you get the police involved you really think 2 teenagers are gonna come into your home and rape your sisters? seriously, and 3rd, what support do you need from them? you're getting through it on your own, theres no need to burden them when you're able to deal with it completely on your own. however if you really need their support, then by all means, thats what you need to move on, so you should tell them.

and.. why not dad? ifhe did something, yea, i understand, but jsut becasue he's a male doesnt make him just like your assailants

Answer 14

******* rapists should face the shooting penalty.Go Tell em.not your fault anyway.

Answer 15

If it was 17 years ago yes, of course, Their your parents your suppose to tell them I{m sure they won{t get mad, because they love you!

Answer 16

Hey, sorry to hear about this and I´m sorry you´re only just getting help. I actually would tell her, I think it would help you if this wasn´t on your mind anymore, and you had the chance to talk it through with her. She´s your mum, and I´m positive she would want to help you in any way she can.

I was raped ten months ago, and the thing that´s helped me the most has been talking about it with trusted friends. Hope you do whatever feels right and hope you´re ok.

Answer 17

of course you should im sure these boys aren't going to come back and do the same to your sisters na d its always better to have more support in these situations

Answer 18

sorry to hear about your bad experience. tell your mother if you feel you have to. but its not necessary as it could cause more harm to yourself.

Answer 19

1) shouldn't you be asking this to your therapist?

2) What would be the point of telling your mother?  What good would come of it at this point?

Answer 20

YES! well it really depends upon how it will affect you and your family now. You need closure and also that you know the people who did it will not do it to anyone else. So I would say tell, but then I'm not the one doing it. If there are nasty people like that around then you owe it not just to yourself but everyone to get them sorted.I'm so sorry this happened but please have the courage to get them sent to where they need to be.... you have my thoughts with you too...(want to kill them!)

Answer 21

i would tell not only your mom but also ur dad. just so that he will be more aware of ur sisters friends and yu sisters will benifit from it too.

Answer 22

What they don't know, won't hurt them...

Answer 23

Yes, of course you should. I'm so sorry for you.

God Bless you and your family!

Answer 24

Personally, I would tell my mother if that ever happened to me. Its a very serious thing that shoud've been told when it happened.

Answer 25

yes. im in similar situation with you. i have to confess something to. what should i do? http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 26

i think you should...why dont you ask your therapist about it, she can recommend a good time or a good way to tell her. Also she will recommend you if you are ready or not.

Answer 27

I think you should, only because you do need the support.

And, because getting raped is something serious.

Answer 28

Wow, the same thing happened to me 17 years ago, by someone I knew,and I told no one until recently, it happened to me after prom and again two years later by 2 different men,and it stays with you for life, if you feel you want to tell your mom,thats up to you, not really sure how to tell you to do this,but it will come to you as you speak to her, maybe she does not need to know this at all, maybe you just need to come to terms with it yourself and confide in your husband about how you feel, seems like he is there for oyu, so whatever you feel is the right thing to do.Good luck to you, and man these guys need to get some morals and stop doing this to women and girls.

Answer 29

While it's not going to be something they're going to want to hear....if it will help you heal in anyway, I guarantee they're going to be supportive.  This is about making YOU whole again....not any hurt they may feel over it.  They love you.

Answer 30

I don't know if I would share that information with your mom from 17 years ago.  I would though focus on educating your sisters to help them prevent this from happening in the future.  If you feel you can't continue knowing that you are keeping this from your mom than by all means tell her.  But if you were able to keep it from her for 17 years I would imagine you can continue to.

Answer 31

i personally think u should tell ur parents. i mean im 16 + i live in manhattan so my parents r always really crazy and over protective. i have snuck out of our apartment in so many times but its not that big of a deal bc i live in west end avenue and all the building r close. i mean sometimes its in the same building. but now im scared that i might b raped. im not a virgin so i dont have anything 2 lose but its still kinda scary and life changing. my advice is to be honest and confront ur mom. i mean ur older so honestly its not like shes gonna stop u from leaving the house or something! =D or =( idk!