Should I tell my parents that I know I am adopted?

Question

Ok well I just found out recently from my sister-in-law that I am adopted. But I am really scared to tell my parents because I don't know how they are going to react. I mentioned it to my mom years ago that I had suspicions but she got a little upset and told me no. Everybody is telling me to tell them but right now i'd rather not. Should I tell or just ignore it?

Answer 1

Yes you should talk to them eventually,  honestly lying about someone being adopted in this day and age is just extremely sad imo. There’s no shame in being adopted or for a couple to adopt. No matter what their reasons were for adopting.

If you don’t feel comfortable talking to them about it now just wait till your ready. Perhaps you need some time to soak it in or talk about it with a close friend first.

Answer 2

YOU are the one who knows your parents well enough to guess what might come of such a conversation.  Your mother has already lied to you once--really more than once--so you are probably right that the conversation will not be comfortable.  Still, you are right in wanting to know the truth.  Give yourself some time to think about all of it.  Maybe do some reading first (see below).  Be prepared to remain calm in the face of your parents' upset reaction.

There's a term for people like you: Late Discovery Adoptee, or LDA.  The adoptee-rights group b*****d Nation, notably one of its members, Ron Morgan, has a lot to say about it.  http://www.b******s.org

Answer 3

I don't think your mom would be too happy to find out that you know.  I would say to her that your sister-in-law made a weird statement that you were adopted and see how it goes from there.

This may be a sensative subject for your mom and I would honor her wishes to not tell you if she chooses this.  

Adoptions are private and sometimes when people adopt they've had failures in their lives they don't wish to talk about.

But I would definitely say something about you sister in law telling you this.

Answer 4

yes you should tell her you now , because then she doesn't have to work hard every day from hidding it from you.

Answer 5

As long as you are happy who cares only if you want to.

Answer 6

Well she shouldnt get upset with you and just because you know doesnt mean you love them any less. Just reassure your parents that you truly love them, so they aren't upset.

Answer 7

I would definately bring it up. You reserve the right to know this. Im sorry you had to find out from an outside source rather than your adopted parents. Your mother should not get mad... she knew when she adopted you that the questions would soon come. There is nothing wrong with being adopted. If she gets mad then something is wrong with her. Good luck.

Answer 8

It doesnt matter if your adopted or not.  If they raised you your whole life then they are your parents.  It would be nice to see your birth parents but if your 18 yrs old like you said then your fine.  I mean you lived this long with them.  Just ignore it, if your parents bring it up just tell them you knew already but it doesnt matter cause you love them and they are your parents.

Answer 9

I would bring it up very gently and tell them you have thought this for a while now. Be sure to let them know that you won't love them any less, you would just like the truth.

Answer 10

tell them.

Answer 11

I truly didn't believe the stories that parents still don't tell their children they had been adopted...I thought that stopped in the 50's!

I absolutely think you should have a discussion with them, you have a right to understand your own history of how you came to be with your family and why they chose to keep it a secret, IMO.

Answer 12

LET THEM KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW,AND LET THEM KNOW YOU LOVE THEM AND THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE ADOPTED, YOU KNOW YOU WERE SPECIAL TO THEM.AND YOU ARE NOT JUST GOING TO LEAVE THEM BECAUSE YOU KNOW. I 'M ADOPTED AND I KNOW HOW IT HURTS AT TIME. SO JUST SIT THEM DOWN AND TALK TO THEM.JUST TELL THEM OVER AND OVER THAT YOU ARE NOT UPSET,THAT YOU JUST WANT TO KNOW THE TRUE. YES YOU NEED TO GET THIS OUT BEFORE SOMETHING GOES WRONG. BECAUSE SOMETIME PEOPLE GET MAD AND SAY SOMETHING THAT THEIR REALLY DON'T WANT TOO.

YOUR SISTER-INLAW SHOULD HAVE TALKED TO YOUR PARNETS ABOUT TELLING YOU BEFORE SHE DID. BUT I KNOW SOMETIMES PARNETS ARE SCARED OF THIS KINDED OF TALK,BECAUSE THEY ARE A AFRAID YOU WILL WANT TO GO AND FIND YOUR REAL PARNETS. YES SHE WILL BE VERY UPSET,SHE IS SCARED THAT IS WHY SHE IS UPSET. I HOPE YOU ARE OLD ENOUGHT TO UNDERSTAND HOW SHE FEELS. JUST BECAUSE SHE KNOWS YOU KNOW SHE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.

I WILL TELL SOMETHING I DON.T AND MAY THIS WILL HELP: I WAS TOLD THAT I WAS ADOPTED AND I HAD ALOT OF QUESTIONS,SOME I ASKED THE QUESTIONS AND IF SHE KNOW THE ANWERS SHE WOULD ANWER THEM.BUT THAT THE SAME TIME SHE WAS CRYING AND SO WAS I . BUT AT THE SOME TIME SHE FELT BETTER BECAUSE I KNOWED HAD MUCH SHE REAL LOVED ME. BECAUSE AT THE SOMETIME SHE TOLD ME HOW SHE GOT ME.SO JUST TALK TO HER AND LET HER KNOW THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE ADPOTED SHE IS STEEL AND GOING TO BE YOUR MOTHER THE REST OF YOU LIVE AND WHEN YOU HAVE KIDS THEIR GRANDMOTHER.I HOPE I HAVE HELPED.

Answer 13

just sit down and talk with them they have probably been expecting this

Answer 14

tell them when you fell right

dont tell them if you dont want to

wait for teh right time

good luck adn i hope that

all goes well with ya!

Answer 15

if you love them as real parents let them know,parental love goes a long way

Answer 16

wow, i am adopted, and i think  you should not tell them that you know, wait for them to tell you and then say you Knew. do not ignore it, never forget because you might want to know more about your real parents. I would really like to talk to you more on this matter so if you could email me that would be great!

Answer 17

How do you know your sisters not lying? LOL. well, if you are sure.. you should tell them when you are ready. It's really your decision. Even if you think they aren't ready to know that you  know.. you should tell them because it's worse to keep your feelings inside. You've probably heard this alot. But you will feel so much better if get it out of your system! :)

Answer 18

Yes you need to tell them. They are going to figure out that you know sooner or later. Plus they already know your adopted so it won't be such a shock to them. They need to know that you know. They will get over it.

Answer 19

oh hun if you're 18 then absolutley, these sotrs of things should be open

Answer 20

Just tell them its ok that you know that you grew from your parents hearts and not the belly. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 21

what would it solve telling them? chances are they don't know your biological parents.. I would just accept them as your parents, and not tell them. It will hurt them very much and probably make them very mad. Don't tell them. I was adopted.

Answer 22

ooohhh....Mom and Dad should have told you when you first brought it up hon. That would stink to have found out by another family member... :(

I've always known, so I couldn't tell the moment I found out. But I think my feelings would be seriously hurt knowing that my folks continued to lie to me.

I think it comes down to how and why you want them to know that you know? What's to gain by telling her, given your mom's past reaction...you know what I mean?

Is it possible that she has more info for you? Do you WANT more info on your birth parents?

There's more to it than just walking up and saying "I know that I'm adopted".......good luck, with whatever your decision may be. :)

Answer 23

As someone who is adopted, I would say get it over with... it will just haunt you if you don't.  It doesn't have to be a big confrontation from your side... "I want to talk to you about something that I heard that made me very upset... "

Answer 24

i dont see what the point of telling them is. so what if you were adopted. why bother upsetting tour mom. she loves you and she wanted to give you a good life. she is the person who raised you so if you really want to confront her go ahead but i dont think that being adopted is a big deal.

Answer 25

listen to your heart

Answer 26

well. . . if the reason you aren't saying anything is just fear, i think it'd it be good practice if you wanna be more honest or more brave. . . but it'd just clear things up i imagine and open up the shame/fear that's obviously somewhat an issue with being honest about it.  why are they afraid to tell you?  

are you afraid of getting in trouble, of your sister-in-law getting in trouble?

is it worth saying? ya. . . that's your decision in the end.  

usually though for me i find that if a huge fight comes up i'll scream out a secret i wasn't supposed to say. but of course that's me.

Answer 27

Absolutely tell them.

I can't believe that people still hide this from their children, it's disgusting. Children have a right to know where they came from, and when you raise an adopted child with the knowledge of being adopted, and "normalize" the concept of adoption, children grow up to be happy and healthy and there is no fear of this big secret being revealed.

I would confront them immediately. But that's just me. I was adopted at birth and do not remember a time where I did not have full awareness that I was adopted. I can't imagine how angry I would be if they had hid it from me.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Answer 28

Yes you should bring this up in a mature manner.  It is your right to know about this; Medical purposes is one reason why.  Your parents should of done this years ago...

Answer 29

If you do, just wait for what feels like the right time and bring it up. I don't know how old you are, but your sister in law was way out of line telling you. If you would rather wait, then tell everyone to butt out, you will do it when you feel ready.

Answer 30

I think you should go with your gut. It is okay to wait until you are more comfortable. I remember when I was little I thought I was adopted. And then I found my parents marriage certificate and it turns out my mom just got pg a little early.

Answer 31

I think you should tell them you know that your adopted then you guys can move on with your lives.