Should I tell my parents to back off before I end up divorced?

Question

I have worked for my parents for 8 years. I worked there part-time through high school and on in to college. I received my bachelors degree last year and couldn't find a job that had the flexibility and pay like I had working there so I stayed. I finally found a great job. I am work every now and then until Jan. 1 and then I will start full-timewith great pay and great benefits. The only problem...its right next door to my parents business. I am trying to show my mom how to do all of my jobs of which I have many. I am pretty much the assistant mgr./inventory control/secretary/computer troubleshooting/their puppet and I do all that for a whopping $11.00hr. I am an only child and an heir to the business and that is what they pay me. My husband and I fight about this constantly because he says they control me yet don't do anything to help me out financially or emotionally. I have to agree that they are very selfish people. If you try to discuss how you feel with them...I become the one that is selfish in some way. When I work next door she continues to call or come over there begging for help which is embarrassing. My boss knows em so it flies. I want my own life and my own job. My dad is sick but he has cirrohsis so its his own fault. I don't want to be mean but they have used me long enough. I don't want to get divorced and I see my husbands point of view...but they are my parents. I don't know how I should handle this. What would you do?

Answer 1

i would tell them to pay me what I'm worth or find some one else to do the job if they agree i would give my boss two weeks notice i would let them know they was causing trouble between you and your husband and if it did not stop they would be seeing less of you and i would tell them i loved them but fair is fair and ask them if they think they are being fair

i will tell you a story about my ex girl friend her mother was sick like your dad her mother accused her daughters and her of stealing some money which they did not do well they never made up and her mother died and she says she wished she would have just let her mother think what she wanted to rather than letting her die and not getting to tell her how much she loved her and letting her die like that.

she was like you she was always there for them until that happened

good luck and best wishes on what ever happens

Answer 2

What a tough situation to be in..

Your husband is right. $11 an hour was taking advantage of you and deep down I am sure they know this.

You just have to be strong and tell them that you need your space and they are affecting your new job...Which is something I suspect that they are attempting to do.

There is nothing wrong with sticking up for yourself - as long as you do it tactfully.

If all else fails, look for a job further away from them.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

Honey, you have boundary issues I believe. Do some research and see how you can set boundaries with them. If it were me I'd be open and honest w/them but you have to move on and do what's best for your life and your family's (husband/kids). If you can't confront them verbally sit down and write them a letter. You can still love them without putting their needs ahead of your own. Tell them you have to move on and it's for the best.

Best wishes to you. Don't get a divorce over this, please!!! :)

Answer 4

You should have your own life!  You may have to write your parents a letter...if they will not be quiet long enough to hear everything that you have to say.  I think that in this letter, you need to explain that you love them and thank them for employing you for 8 years, but it is now time for you to move on.  You went to school to get a degree and now you would like to have a job.  Explain that you do not feel that the compensation your parents provided was not adequate for all of the work that you did.  No one else would do all the work you did for only $11/hr!  It is their business and their life. You have your own life and this is what you are choosing to do.  I would say that if your mom has questions about your roles, then she could pay you hourly to train her....but not during the work day at your other job.  Say that you are trying to be a professional woman and that you are choosing this for yourself and your husband.  If your parents cannot appreciate this, you may have to search for a job that is not next door to where your parents are.  You may not be able to keep them "away" from your new job...

I agree with your husband here.

If your father is too sick to work, then maybe your parents should sell their business.

Answer 5

I'll work for them.  

Answer 6

Your loyalty belongs with your husband.  When you get married, it always does.  You are absolutely right in assuming they will destroy your marriage.  Stand up to them.  Tell them that you must side with your husband, that you love them, but they need to back off.  

Answer 7

You said it. They're selfish and controlling. Sorry. Bad luck in the parent lottery. Draw the line at work or find a job away from them.  Get the inheritance completely out of your mind. If you want your own life, there is nothing but you stopping you. You can't even blame it on them, because it's entirely up to you. You husband deserves an adult spouse. Ask yourself if it's fair that your husband has to pay for your bad luck in parents.  

Answer 8

What a hard call. WOW. And I can see them paying you $11 per hour if the store isn't doing so well. My boyfriend's parents own a candy store so I know the struggles they must face. What you have to do is lay down the law and tell them they need to hire a nice person to help them out because you have to move on with your life. What are they going to do when you have kids? Your not going to have time for anything! Even your one job let alone two jobs. So what I would do is put an add in the paper (do it on the weekend when you have time) and just hire someone part time to help out. This should releave your mother from doing it all herself since your father is sick, it will lessen the work load from him and it will help your marriage out as well since your parents will be less dependent on you.

Answer 9

I think you should put your husband first. I know this may sound kind of mean, but he is the one that you should stand behind. You should follow his advice and do things the way he tells you to, because your relationship is so important and I wouldn't want to see you getting divorced either. I know that you love your parents too and it's good to talk to them and want do what they think is best, but they're your parents, and they should understand and love you anyway. After all, when you got married, you joined your husband. Your in his family now.

Try to talk to your mom and tell her how you feel. I know what you mean about always coming off as the selfish one, but I wouldn't know what else to do. Good Luck!

Answer 10

i dont think this should be grounds for thinking you will end up divorced. but you shoul dbe honest with your parents. maybe not taking a job next door where you are so easily available to thme might help. but they are your parents... they should have a little more sincerety towards you ya know?

tough situation but you need to stand your ground. your hunsband should also stand by your side and be there if your parents dont react the way you hope they will.. good luck

Answer 11

Your married, you need to respect your parents however they need to respect you. Your primary goal in life now is to love, respect and honor your HUSBAND until death do you part. YOUR PRIMARY GOAL IS TO MAINTAIN YOUR MARRIAGE. Your parent will either fall in line or they wont.

Good Luck

Answer 12

I'd put my husband first before my selfish, lazy parents.

I'd tell them to hire someone to take over my jobs a their business -- there are plenty of people out there who need work.

I'd MOVE!!!  

Answer 13

I believe that once you get married that should be the most important relationship in your life.  You shouldn't let anyone get in the way of that relationship.  I would set the boundaries with my parents and be very clear about what is my space and what is their space.  Sounds like you and your parents love each other very much but if you don't set boundaries soon this will never change.

Answer 14

Yes, we are suppose to honor our parents, but once you get married, God makes two become one. Your husband seems right. I know they are your parents, but you have to do what's good for you. You have your own job, they have to accept when you are doing your job, you can not do their job. You are their child, not their slave....Your mom should already know how to do these jobs...it's THEIR business.

Don't let them ruin your marriage, put your foot down. If you feel uncomfortable, maybe your husband can talk to your parents.

Answer 15

It's a control issue. Your parents want to keep control of you since you are an only child. They like it that way and probably would be happy if your husband was out of the picture so they could have you to themselves totally. What you need to do is sit down with them. Tell them that you love the business (do nothing to lose it in an inheritance) but that you have a degree in accounting and would like to use it in the real world to get a job. Smile. Assure them that you will come by to visit them often. You really need to do this now because if your Dad dies, your Mom will become even more dependent on you to work at the business and keep it going for her. Your husband is right. They are using you but you need to be careful how you handle it. Be sure to smile, assure them they aren't losing you and then get a full time job as soon as possible before they beg you to stay.

Answer 16

Well, they have helped you out a lot by allowing you to work hours that suited your needs. As you pointed out yourself you were unable to find employment that offered the same flexibility.

I don't know where you live so $11/hr is relative, particularly because I don't know how much all the other employees earn.

But you have to move on at one point in time and put the experience you have gained to use. Your parents should hire somebody to fill you position and if they have trouble to find somebody who is willing to work for the same wages as you did the may change their mind. As long as you are available they will continue to call on you.  

Answer 17

I would try to make them understand that they need to hire someone else, as you are not working there anymore. You should also explain that this is causing problems for you (but make sure you don't make your husband sound bad or make him the bad guy). Its understandable that they cling to you so much, you are their only child, but it does seem like they abuse the parent/child privilege. Perhaps help them hire someone who is familiar with the skill required, and explain to your mother that you do not want her stoping by your job anymore as it is VERY  unproffesional.