Should I try to make friends this year?

Question

This is my last year of high school and I'm glad because I can't stand it. I've pretty much been a loner my entire high school life. It's due to a lot of different reasons. One is because I like to feel different and special. Don't ask me about that one because I can't really explain it. What it meabs is that I don't like to consider myself as part of a group.

Another reason is that I don't trust people. I've had a lot of problems with previous "friends" in my life. Another reason is that I find other people shallow and uninteresting. The biggest reason is just because I'm very shy. I also have some anxiety over people and am paranoid that they secretly hate me or are judging me very negatively. Nobody at my school really knows me and I prefer to keep it that way.

I've been thinking about it all and I don't really know what I want. I can either make frineds this year and change myself or stay the same but lose out on friendship. Both ways are kind of bad the way I see it. Some might tell me to find friends in a class I enjoy. Well the problem with that is that I do find potential friends in those classes, but it never evolves beyond just talking to them. After were done I try to cut off all contact with them which works everytime. After a year they pretty much forget who I am.

I was in my school play last year, which is ironic considering I'm shy. I actually love to act because it's the only time in school I can have fun. I met some nice people there and we talked and joked a lot, but now I'm afraid to talk to them. I just feel that they were forced to talk to me because we were in the same place. After that I just stopped talking to them because I felt that I was a burden.

So I'm really not sure if I should try to make more of an effort with people or to just stay alone.

Answer 1

ok i used to be somewhat like that

you need to get over the barrier of thinking that people are always judging you - its a bad circle: (even though mine's not circular)

you think they will judge you badly before they get a chance to ----> you exclude yourself from normal socialising activities ----> they judge you because of this self-exclusion -----> they exclude you in turn ---> you think everyone will judge you ----> you exclude yourself etc etc etc

ok if you're somehow physically different - don't let that stop you from socialising. People do judge people by first impression - but this is overulled by second impression. First impression might be yuk, ew, weirdo etc... but if you express your personality (you know, have a decent conversation) they wont care so much about ur physical self.

I didnt get over my negative thinking for a while, but you will find that as people get older and maturer thay are more accepting of everyone.

So time is a part of it too i guess.

But don't become 'fake' for other people. They need to accept you for who you are, and if they don't, that's their loss. Don't completely change your whole personality to fit in. Just allow yourself to socialize when there is opportunity. And don't assume you have failed or anything like that.

A great deal of my problem was that I thought negatively all of the time and constantly made assumptions about what other people were thinking or taking about. I would look at people's facial expressions ect when talking in low voices or laughing and assume it was because of me. A lot of the time it's not.

I'm not sure where i'm going here, but to sum it all up - its basically all in your head. You alienate yourself. Don't feel like it was said harshly - because i've been their, done that - it was all in my head too.

hmm I really don't think that helped

but anyway... see what smarter people say

Answer 2

its your call dude but i say even if your shy you should try to make friends. i was shy in school and now am the life of the party. i now am very outgoing due to how people around me were. if i were you, id give it a try. half of them sad to say, will disappear after school. i know i did. i joined the service. lost all ties to high school but have all new friends. its life bro.

Answer 3

What I've gathered from your question is that you want friends, but fear rejection.

Don't worry, I get that everytime I'm near my sis's friends. >_<

I guess you don't understand how small this probably is to them. To you, it's a huge effort to go talk to someone, but to them, it's just someone saying hi.

The people you meet in highschool are usually going to be your friends for life.

I just think friends are worth the effort, just don't force yourself into it, cause then it won't feel as good. :/

I've had that feeling you described in the first part. I wound up getting over it, but I was still the unpopular kid no one wanted to share their crayons with (that was in elementary school, ha ha)

Answer 4

dude are u kidding me....my freinds are my life...this year when u say hi to a random person...and become freinds with him/her...it will just lead to more and more friends....

i wouldnt be able to live without my freinds

....just please u dont have to listen to me...but it will make u life better if u made a freind or two...forget groups...all u need is ONE FREIND...and ur all set...

and i can almost gurantee they wont forget about u in a year...im going in grade 10...and i talk to all my freinds that i made last year and look...it was a whole year:)

try it out..good luck:)

Answer 5

no friends

Answer 6

Of course!

Answer 7

Try to make friends but never force a friendship, ever; this is how people start to to take advantage of you and then you eventually lose trust.  The best approach is to simply talk to people, know that not everyone you come across in your life will be your best friend- get to know people so you can compare interests.  People want to have friends that will be there, and are confident of themselves; don't be afraid to talk to people you were in the play with (small talk like "how was your summer").  It can never hurt your situation and as long as you act down to earth, you will be fine!  Do not change who you are, you cannot mold yourself to other people or else it will always be impossible to make new friends.  Be confident in yourself and show the real you to the world, you have no reason to be afraid of anybody!