Should I wait for him and see what happens or should I give up?

Question

I had been with this guy for around 4 months, We decided to stay friends for now but will see where things go. So he left for Basic Training, 4 weeks ago I've wrote to him and he has called and wrote to me telling me he really misses me. He has written some real loving letters (x*x) I asked in one of my letters if he wanted me to wait for him? He said " I have no clue where I'll be stationed. I do know I will be home for X-Mas. Other than that I wish I knew more. I Don't Know where I going." I kinda know the answer on what should do but I would like some conformation on what I'm going to do is the right thing. Cause I know there really stressed out and have other things to think about other than relationships. I miss him and I had fallen for him before he left. What should I do? Confused

Answer 1

Since your actions are so controlled and you have very little contact with the outside world during Basic, it's easy for your emotions to become amplified, especially with matters of the heart and lower extremities ;).

So with that being said, I think you should move on.  It's highly unlikely that he'll be stationed anywhere near you, and once he gets out of Basic, he'll be free to run around and meet members of the opposite s*x that will be much more convenient to interact with.  His heart may be in the right place, but there's more to a relationship than that.  

I had a personal experience where I was held over after my OSUT waiting for my security clearence which could come any day.  I ended up meeting a very nice woman and had a pretty hot and heavy relationship with her for the next two months until one day I came into work and was told to pack my stuff because I was to fly out to Europe the next day.  I called my friend who I spent my last night with.  She waited with me at the airport the next day and told me that she had a Justice of the Peace standing by and that she wanted to get married.  Needless to say I was surprised and was touched by her actions, but I told her that I needed to focus on my job and if after a few months we still felt the same way, we'd see about marriage.

I got one long letter from her and never heard from her again.

Three years later I was back in the same area and decided to look her up.  I had gotten pretty attached to her boys as well and wanted to see how they were doing as well as she how she was.  Not only did she not recognize me at first (her boys did though!), she had gotten married to another servicemember who was currently in Afghanistan.

Moral of the story:  People get confused between lust and love much too often, and four months together isn't much of a foundation to work from.  Move on.

Answer 2

This is really hard for anyone to say. My wife and I had a long distance relationship for almost 4 years before we were married and I was in the Army for all of those. We made it work because we were both committed and loved each other. However, there were times that we were apart for nearly 9 months without seeing each other. (During my deployments)

There were times that she came that I was called back into work and others that we were able to spend quite a bit of time together. The Army (US Military) is difficult on relationships sometimes. When it comes down to make or break it depends on how committed each of you is to the other and how much you are willing to make it work so each of you can chase your dreams.

All of that being said, my wife and I have been happily married for 5 years now and are still going strong. And that was even through 3 deployments in excess of 17 months each.

If you were to ask my wife I'm certain she would tell you that being an Army girlfriend and later an Army wife has been difficult, but that she loves her life. We've made it work through distance and time through commitment, love, and understanding.

I hope this helps you some.

Answer 3

Just wait for him. My boyfriend left for basic training, and I feel very lonely right now. I understand big changes are going your way, mine too. But I think that the best for you to do is to keep writing to him. I think that you may be his motivation and if you keep writing to him and telling him how much you love him and everything, he will be so happy. On the other hand, if you tell him it's over or if you sound confused or irritated by the situation, that will add to his stress level even more and who knows what he will do. So the best thing to do is to just be supportive and give him time. He must be super busy and he isn't writing to you for nothing, right?

Luck!

Answer 4

I agree, stay friends, keep writing him and supporting him and see if his feeling clarify any while he's there.  If afterwards he's still saying "I don't know, etc." then I would move on.

Answer 5

I think you should stay friends and see what happens. Like you had agreed on and just keep writing to him and see where it leads. Don't over think thing, you will scare him off.

GOOD LUCK