Should I wait for my boyfriend if he is going to the navy for 4 yrs?

Question

I am in the process of clinicals in nursing school...he really cares for me and has expressed it in so many ways....he want to go fulfill his dream of joining the navy for 4 yrs...he says if i love him i will wait for him and if we stand the test of time we will get married...has anyone ever done this ...does this work out...do they come back and really want to marry u..im afraid the distace will get to him

Answer 1

enlistments are 8 years 4 years active 4 years reserves

wait 4 years no if he really loved you  he wouldnt want you to wait 4 years he would want to marry you now and  take you with him

Answer 2

if you two actually love each other and are looking at spending your lives together, why would you have to wait 4 years.  I am confused

Answer 3

The distance question is something only you two can answer.  It's harder to carry on a long distance relationship but it's not impossible.  I do know Navy personnel who have managed to stay together through separations like this, him at his duty station, her at school, but they've also both agreed that his AND her goals were both very important.  And they've had great communication skills with each other as well as tons of faith in each other.

Look, the military relationship is a hard one to maintain anyway.  There are lots of separations due to the job.  So being apart for any other reason makes it harder.  But it can be done if you both agree to the goals you've set together and you both have a plan for what happens after wards.

Answer 4

One thing you will have to do if you decide to stick with him is to stay as close as you can through communication. My wife was in the Air Force when we got married and I joined the Army three years later. It's been difficult being apart for 65% of our marriage. However, we are closer than ever and have on son and another baby on the way.

The key for us has been communication. We make sure that we are the main focus for eachother. When I was in Afghanistan last year, I found ways to either IM chat, email, or call everyday. My wife knew I loved her because I went to extrodinary effort to make sure she and our son were as much a part of my life and I was trying to be in theirs.

It's not easy. In your case it will probably be slightly more difficult since you will not be married before he leaves. However, if you love him, stick with him. Just make sure that you and he are on the same page and constantly shower eachother with love.

Answer 5

It sounds like he wants you to wait.  Whatever you do, don't send him a "Dear John" letter while he's serving our country.  You will really hurt him.  If you don't want to wait, just let him know now.

Answer 6

Sounds like he's getting all his dreams fulfilled, and what do you get? Tough one, i guess try the time test... you both have to pass though!

Answer 7

I forgot that part of the Navy contract that says, "You can't get married in the Navy."

Does he think he'll be away on a ship for 4 years or something? Sorry, junior, not the case!!

Talk to him about this. If he thinks he can't get married during his enlistment, or if he thinks he'll be on ship during his entire enlistment, ask your boyfriend to talk to a recruiter again.

If it's because you're in nursing school, you know that he'll get stationed in civilization...aka, you can go to school there.  

Answer 8

you should not wait.  These things never work unless your able to deal with distinct changes in both of you...maybe for the better usually for the worse, but everything changes when someone leaves for the military...and the stress will be unbearable if your are not trained to deal with it.  

Answer 9

If you are doing clinicals for your RN, then you are nearly done.  Theres no reason you couldn't finish your schooling, then go be with him.  Then you have your dream and he has his, and you are together.  If you both aren't willing to compromise at least a little, then you guys have no business being together.

SweetJen,  Yes it is technically an 8 year commitment, but the 4 years Reserve are actually 4 years Inactive Reserve.  The difference is night and day.