Should I wait on him or run from him??????

Question

I just asked this question a few minutes ago. I have to add that I think it may be that he is just lonely. He yells at me, curses at me, hangs up the phone on me. He is unhappy and let's it all out on me...because he knows I'll be there. But then again he has his sweet moments. In person he is not like that, in person he is not mean at all ever. Maybe he wants me so he won't feel so alone, maybe he truly does love me and is so moody because the situation of being without me and our daughter frustrates him. I don't know. But I do know I'm tired of being his punching bag. I don#t know why he does it. We think he may be depressed, but of course his "manly pride" keeps him from seeing a doctor about it. Lately I have been feeling a little disgust for him. He is always irritated, moody, and it seems all he is capable of is work, sleep, eat, TV. Everything else he needs a kick in the butt for. I don#t know if I should stick around and help the man I love and be there for him...or RUN.

My fiance lives in the States and I live in Germany. We have a 5 year-old daughter. We met in 2002 (he was stationed here), had our baby in 2003, and broke up for good in 2004. Then in 2004 he went to Iraq, in 2005 he got out of the Army and went back to the States. After that we hardly had contact. In 2007 he even married someone else. She left him after 3 months. Since January of this year we've been in contact again. In April he came to visit and we decided to be together again. I can't move to the States with my daughter because all the paperwork costs money we don't have right now. So he is going to join the Reserves, stay with them a couple months, then go Active Duty Army and hopefully come to Germany. He has to stay in his state until June 2009 because there are court things he has to take care of there. Should I wait on him? He is joining the Reserves this month, then when his things are taken care of next June he wants to go Active and come here and marry me. That's almost a year from now. And then it's still not guaranteed that the Army will send him to Germany. I don't even really want to move to the States because I feel that he should return to us, since he left us behind, not the other way around. But how long is too long? I don't want to feel like I'm wasting my life waiting for something that might not even turn out the way I want. Should I wait on him and hope he comes next year or give up now? I love him like crazy, I'm just afraid he'll let me down again, like he did so many years ago.

Answer 1

You have seen a moody mean side to him, then you say he got married to someone else and she left him after only 3 months. I wonder if his moodiness drove her away? Right from the start of this relationship he did not show any signs of wanting to sacrifice in order to be with you. Instead he has taken opportunities for another relationship and in fact married someone else. All of this indicates he is not that into you and just may be telling you he is willing to marry you as a way to keep you around. I can understand how all of this has made you question if you are indeed wasting you time. If I were you I would not put too much into what he has to say. For now, just go on with your life, date other people and if in the future he truly shows good faith and actually comes back to Germany then you can make a decision if at that time you will still be willing to marry him. It will be a huge move on his part. It would mean leaving familiar surroundings, family and friends behind. So it is unlikely he will move. If he does move to where you are are you decide to marry him, just know, his moodiness will be something you will have to learn to live with because it is now obvious that this is the way he is.

Answer 2

Try to make things work with the father of your child.  That will be your family and your daughter deserves to have a father and mother.  She will to better with both of yall in her life

Answer 3

If you love him then it makes sense that you should try to make it work. Its so hard when he is away and army life would depress anyone!

I would say if you can make it work with your daughter then thats got to be a positive thing.

You need to make it clear to him though that he can't let you down again otherwise then you will run for good - and you have to stick to that I think.

All the best, it must be so so tough :) xx

Answer 4

Ya, stay and wait so he can yell at you, curses at you in person.

Answer 5

It doesn't sound right....give it up and move on with your life...does he even support you and his child??? (Has he ever??) If he joins the reserves more than likely he will wind up in Iraq again, and never see Germany. It sounds too crazy to pursue this dream of reuniting....Give up...I think if it ever happened, he would make you miserable...you no longer really even know him...you love that other guy you first met...

Answer 6

YUP - you "love him dearly" yet he treats you like a dog.....but we have a daughter....but but but...... same story, different details.

WHEN you finally do get fed up with disrespect and obvious signs that he does not love ANYONE, including himself, you will be so disgusted and horrified that you ruined so much of your time and energy AND drug a defenseless child through it with you, you WILL leave him.

Until that time, you will FIGHT that voice in your head that keeps nagging at you telling you to stop being a dummy and GET OUT......get away from this maniac, stop putting your daughter through this......go...get out....

You will daydream about what it would be like "IF ONLY" he would just stop being.....stop doing.....totally magically instantly "change".....

You will most likely do whatever he tells you to do so that it will be harder and harder for you to leave because you will have so much "Luggage" to take with you.....

For your daughters sake, I pray you turn up the volume on that nagging little voice and really LISTEN - because it is the only voice that can save you sweetie.  I do NOT wish to hurt your feelings or put you down - I am speaking strictly from EXPERIENCE - I KNOW - I HAVE been there and done that.  Thankfully, I LISTENED and got out.

Answer 7

DON"T MARRY HIM

It didnot work the first time!

He is on the rebound and is chasing around.......

Don't let him join the reserves, don't let him come to Germany, and don't get back with him

Even though he probably will join the reserves, go to Germany, marry you, the relationship will not be better. It will become bad, and everyone will be unhappy and stuck together ..... DON""T

Answer 8

Run run as fast as you can. You or your child will never be happy with a man who uses you as his personal punching bag. You will only be sorry and your child will suffer greatly. He does this to you because you let him and he knows you will continue to.