Should I write a guy my friends set me up with who was on leave from Iraq?

Question

My guy friend set me up with a guy that was on a two week leave from Iraq. While he was home we went on a bunch of dates, had a great time, and he told me he wanted to "build something with me". We communicated up until the day before he left and we planned on him coming over that last evening for dinner to say our goodbyes and exchange addresses. He stood me up. My guy friend that set us up said he went to his house instead and was acting very distracted and out of it like is was trying to prepare to go back. I know he was having a rough time with the idea of going back (in March he was hit by a road side bomb).

My question is what should I think or do? Move on, or would it be appropriate for me to get his email or address from my friend and write him. I know this is a "relationship" question, but I thought military men or vets might have a perspective different than civilian men.

Answer 1

I would write him. He needs all the support he can get while he is over there. I understand why he stood you up my husband was very out of it the last couple of days of his leave. He is just trying to get his mind frame changed back to what it was while he was in Iraq. But write him and ask him what he wants out of your guys situation and tell him what you want...Worst comes to worst he'll tell you not write him or not write back at all BUT at least you will know that its okay to move on...Good Luck Hun!!!

Answer 2

Hey even if its just to be friends the guys and girls always like receiving mail from home. Just to let them know what is going on. But don't start any drama about him standing you up or if its friendship or relationship, that will just work its self out. Be supportive of him and just send things to cheer him up. They have way to much on their mind over there other than drama from home. So if all else fails you just made a new friend. Good luck with all and God Bless.

Answer 3

My boyfriend is an SF soldier..  He's got a deployment to El Sal coming up in about a month and I am not at all worried because we've basically lived together and have a very stable relationship.  He is a great guy, wouldn't cheat, etc.  The thing is is that a few years ago he was on a two week leave to go home for XMas, met a girl he liked, and dated her long distance for a few months.  Well, he flew her to see him once and after a few days he realized they really didn't know each other and they pretty much broke it off after that..  Also needless to say, because they weren't serious he had no problem having s*x with other girls..  Which is gross to me, but he's not like that with me because we actually have a relationship..  

I know a lot of military guys..  A lot of them just want a girl to go home to, but a lot more of them want more than one girl to go home to.  I guess just decided if he's really worth it...

Answer 4

Write him but don't expect anything. If you do you may be disappointed. I had a guy friend I talked to for his entire deployment. He said such wonderful things while on the phone and by email. We planned on seeing each other  often when he was home on r and r. Then when he came home we spent one day together. I was upset I didn't see him more and when I emailed him later he said that he had run into his ex gf while visiting family and they decided to have a go at things again. I was mad but I was also his friend. I know that a lot can happen while being deployed.

Eventually we remained friends. He got back home and things didnt work out with his ex. He wants to date now and while I am somewhat apprehensive I know what its like to be with someone in the military. All GI's aren't a******s, sometimes they just make mistakes like every other guy. Also understand if you really want to be there are a friend or in any other capacity its not going to be easy.  

Answer 5

I think I should recommend your follow up. People go through a lot of tension. Sacrifice is easy when you read but when you are there you are not the brave but a coward going through and figuring out. I will as a citizen be proud of you and the brave person who went ti get into the unknown for my safety. would never be able to say this personally and may be I will buy an unknown soldier next time I get an opportunity.

Answer 6

My bf just left for Basic Training. But I have been joining some  Army Wives/Gf support groups. And it seems to be, no matter what, or where the men are, letters and emails they get, they love. So maybe you should just send a letter, as a friend, for support. But don't ask why he didn't show up, he does have alot going on, and Im sure when he was leaving, his mind was on what was ahead of him. Just a nice letter of support and showing that someone is thinking of him could do him well =)

Answer 7

You can write him but don't expect anything to pan out. He has lots of 'options' and lots of Joes like to play around.

Answer 8

I don't think that anyone can say yes or not this won't work out.  As a deployed soldier he is going through more stress than you could ever imagine.  Don't read anything into him not showing up to see you before he left.  There are a number of reasons why that could have happened and anything I would say is speculation on my part.  I do know that those deployed depend on the support from home to get them through each day.  Send him a letter and let him know how nice it was to meet him and you would be happy to correspond with him.  When he gets back, then you can see where it might lead.  You never know.  He sounds like a good guy.  Just know that he will have bad days, times when he will pull away from you, you just keep up the support, don't pressure or smother him and see what happens.  They pull away sometimes just to survive that place.

Good luck to you.

Answer 9

Absolutely MOVE ON. I say this from very personal experience. Yes, God bless the people that serve our country but believe me, having a relationship with a military man is so hard. Most army wives will tell you that army guys have a VERY TOUGH time staying faithful to their wives. Many of them have alcohol addictions and very bad tempers as well. I actually met my husband online while he was deployed to Iraq. At the time, I was completely enamored by his s**y uniform and sweet emails and words. Don't get me wrong, he is a good guy, but I later found out he had a severe addiction to chatting with other women online. I would catch him chatting dirty with other women, looking at pornography and he would drink Vodka constantly all the time. He was nearly 30 years old and hadn't really grown up yet. Ask around, you will find that so many military men are like that. They lie, cheat, and drink constantly. Another thing, military women are passed around from guy to guy in the army, navy, air force, marines, etc. So you can bet that most likely, though he's deployed to Iraq, he's probably still able to have s*x with a military female. Female soldiers are one of the number one causes of STDS and divorces in the military. That is a fact.

In my personal opinion they are just not worth it. My husband and I have been through so many hard times because of his drinking problems and internet chatting and porno addictions. Most of his army buddies have the very same problems so I know it's not just him.

You should move on and find a regular guy. Sure, the uniforms are s**y and eye catching but who wants a wolf in sheep's clothing?

Do a bit of research on the divorce rate for military couples and you will see that what I say holds a lot of truth. Also, simply do a search for "Husband cheating Iraq" into Yahoo Answers...lol....tons of stuff comes up. Really speaks volumes about our military men.

Answer 10

I would write an email and see what happens.  When my husband was getting ready to return he went from husband and father into soldier mode pretty fast.  They have to get in a certain mind set and maybe it was easier for him to do that without seeing you before he left.  If he writes you back you know he was just distracted.  Good luck.