Should I write on Saturdays, or take a nap?

Question

Nawlins Revisit, part 1, triggered by Hydro and Elyslund

by C.S. Scotkin

Flew to Nawlins. Flyin away from northern losses too difficult to bear.

Saw her first through a dirty window,

didn’t know a soul. Most specially, mine.

Had a hundred dollars in my pocket, that was all, standing

between me and freezing to death in northeast solitary confinement.

I asked the cabbie where could one stay with limited means…

His glowing Black face smiled from the mirror…

drove me to a boarding house on Magazine..

for “White Christian Ladies”.

Paid my twenty for a bed and 2 meals a day for one week.

This place is clean, bare.

Met my first palmetto bug in a tub,

screaming so loudly they heard me on Canal.

Landlady smiles at me in pity and squashes it…

Read the classifieds and rode a trolley Uptown,

open mouth wonder, I am Alice.

And got the job! A live in housekeeper,

my own castle in the basement

to fight dragons who picked up my scent.

I would be overpaid to cook two meals a day,

run errands and take the old Doc fishin once in a while.

The rest of the time was mine.

Exploring Audubon Park, French Quarter,

ears that reel from so many accents.

Artists in Jackson square, Café du Monde,

LSU tigers, see alligators in the bayous.

Oysters, grits, gumbo, jambalaya, muffeletta,.

Strange names,

learn to pronounce words properly, CAL-yope , not Cal-LYE-o-pee.

To be continued….

Answer 1

write first, then nap, then write more.

Answer 2

I can't answer that for sure, which is maybe only noteworthy because I give 'honest' feedback.  Some expression in your poem is rather rough.  For example, some metaphors, particularly the castle/dragon one, are weak and of unclear meaning to me.  And the phrase 'losses too difficult to bear' does not belong in mature poetry, in my small opinion.

On the other hand, the poem looks like it was fun to write.  It's appropriately jazzy, not sure why... maybe from dropping subjects and focusing on impressions/sounds.  At times, I can feel the exciting but frightening newness the speaker is describing.  So yeah... I guess the answer to your question depends on how much you value sleep and how much my criticism bothers you.

Answer 3

You should write!

Wonderful story and I think you're telling it very well!

Cheers to new beginnings.

Looking forward to more.

Answer 4

pretty good that like!!!  

take a nap? narrrrr your good