Should We Adopt This Baby?

Question

Last year, my husband and I adopted a baby girl, and we love her to pieces. Now that she's a year old, we want to adopt again so she can have a brother or sister(I can have kids, but we want to adopt first). We called back our old agency and were put back on their list. We did this about three weeks ago. Today we got a call from the hosptial and they said they has a baby boy for us. We love him and he is cute. The problem?

He is very, very sick and the doctors say there is a slim chance he could live. His mom smoked through her pregnancy and he is a month premature ontop of that. The doctors say we could adopt, however, it would just hurt us if he doesn't live.

Now me and my husband believe every child deserves loving parents, but we don't know if we could really do this. If we adopted the baby and then he died, we don't know what we can do. We've been praying ever since we got home from the hospital.

Should we adopt this baby? Has anyone else experienced(c)

Answer 1

I think you should go for it.. He should have a loving family even if there is that chance he dies. At least he would have had someone that loved him.

Answer 2

This little boy has come into your life for a reason.  I say keep praying, but ask god to help you along with the answer as soon as possible.  Maybe it's your love that will get this baby through the most difficult time of his life.

Answer 3

NO!!!!!!!!!!

JUST HAVE YOUR OWN

IT WILL NEVER BE YOUR KID

CUZ AT THE END OF THE DAY YOU DIDNT GIVE BIRTH TO IT

Answer 4

I know nothing about adoption but there has to be more to his medical problems then that. I smoked the first 18 weeks and my son was born a month early and he is healthy. Make sure you realy know what is going on with his health problems. If you do this and he doesnt survive just think that the days he did live they were spent with people who loved him and gave him a loving home.

Answer 5

yes you should adopt this baby you are already knew this i think before you asked us God will help you thru this just believe ask the most from him  believe it he saved my son and i didn't adopt him he was my birth son yes he still has health issues and always will they say he could die still he's thirteen but i believe God said he'd save him and he wont die will he get sicker possible but he wont die not until he's old i believe God my husband get's mad because i wont pray for our son to be completely healed and i said why God spoke to my heart and told me he'd live the doctor's see him on a regular basis and can't believe how healthy he is he has cortal necroisis of the kidney's both of his kidney's are preemie size he was born five weeks early he's healthier then the rest of us so I know God will do the same for you just believe it's that simple and no I'm not a perfect christian either half the time i don't even go to church and he still saved my baby because i believe well all my prayers

Answer 6

i think you should adopt this baby, because if it doesnt make it at least he had parents that loved him alot til the end and forever!

Answer 7

I would.

Answer 8

Well you have to figure out what would hurt more.. not taking the chances of having that baby in your life and it living? or passing away.

Personally if you can cover medical bills, and if you already have fallen in-love with this baby i say why not.. babies need help to and you might be its only hope. Go and give it strength. Fight the sickness for it (or at least try)

Good luck!

Answer 9

Check out this blog from my friend. they adopted a baby boy in July that was born at 24 weeks and really wasn't expected to live. It is very inspireing what they went through and all the pics really help tell the story.

Answer 10

I know of someone who smoked throughout all three of her pregnancies, and all of her children are fairly healthy.  I do not think that just smoking would be the babies problem.  Smoking is bad during pregnancy, but it has more to do with developmental stuff than health.

If you don't know if you should or not, than I think you should not.  If you are more concerned about how YOU will feel if the baby lived or died, than you really shouldn't be adopting in the first place.  Adoption is supposed to be about the child, not about the adoptive parents.  

Again, I will say that just because his mother smoked throughout her pregnancy does not explain his medical issues.  There has to be something else if he is as sick as you say he is.

Answer 11

It sounds to me like you already have a connection to this baby. Sick babies thrive on love and human contact. Make him yours. Go see him everyday, hold him close, give him your love. Yes, there is a chance you will lose him, but there is always that chance when you are a parent, adoptive or otherwise. Good luck and God bless!

Answer 12

if this was me i would adopt him anyways cause you'll be hurt if he lives and u didnt adopt him or if he died and u didnt adopt him and  if u do and he dies but think about the positive he will make it  have faith  and u will be happy

smoking wont kill him  the only thing u really worry about right now is that hes premature

Answer 13

What an agonizing decision!  My heart goes out to you and to this poor child!  

If the medical expenses were not cost prohibitive (and if there were assistance available), I think I would adopt the child.  If nothing else, you can be there to love and support this baby through the first and last days of his life.  That is a rare and precious gift to another human being.  

That said, preterm babies have a better chance of surviving now, more than ever before. Neonatal technology is getting better every day and it's remarkable the advances that have been made in just recent years.  I have twin nieces that were almost 3 months premature and now they are normal 12 year old girls.  

Preemie babies respond well to contact and connection from those that care about them.  Physical touch, talking, comforting, allof these improve the survival rate of preterm neonates.  Any NICU nurse will tell you this.  

Pray hard, keep on top of the child's healthcare, get second opinions, if needed.  If you choose not to adopt, please be there for this child.  

Good luck!

Answer 14

That is a tough choice. If the boy does live and you adopted him are you prepared to deal with the health and developmental issues that he might have as a result of his abuse in utero.  

On one point you could adopt him and just love him while he is with you perhaps he will teach you all something even  if his time on this plant is short.  It would be difficult if he died but they say God only gives us what we can handle. Even if we don’t know we can handle it God knows that we can.

Sometime miracles can happen this little boy just may beat the odds. To feel your positive and loving energy even if you can only lightly touch his hand  may give him motivation to fight and live.

I will say a pray for Brian tonight.

Answer 15

Many times the difference between life and death for a baby in this condition is love. Who is holding that baby right now? who is stroking that baby's body right now if he can't be held? He needs that 24 / 7. That is my main concern.

Back in "the day", EVERYONE smoked. ALL my mothers friends smoked through all their pregnancies. My mother smoked and had 6 children. The last pregnancy was with triplets. *I* can remember when visiting the hospital and we smoked while we were there. I was a teenager. People did smoke in the hospitals and everywhere else. They drank too. There is a difference between having some drinks and being an alcoholic. So, I don't know about what this doctor is telling you.

Whatever you decide, can't you stay with the baby? Deprivation of love will kill that baby faster than anything else.

Answer 16

1) I think there is far more to this baby going to probably die than the mother smoking all through the pregnancy. Years and YEARS ago before people knew how bad smoking was women smoked all through their pregnancies

I would say its a LOT more than that and they arent telling the full facts or they dont know the full facts

2) I really dont think you should make any life altering decisions based on comments from a internet site and I Think you should get a independant doctor to assess the situation

3) As a previous poster said Sick Babies do need a LOT OF LOVE to get them through, so maybe you could be there for this baby NOW and try to help this baby live

4) That would be surely gods mission for you? hence why this baby was presented to you ?

Forget about the adopting side of this for now, help this baby get well with LOVE, if no one else is there for this tiny little baby...

Answer 17

This would be very tramatic so leave this little baby where is he and let him be. I also agree with the other person on here you are asking life questions here..

I am not real gunhoe on adoption because I know two cases where kids grew up and turned on the people who adopted them and cared for them and one family the husabnd passed and then the adopted son took her for everything he could nd she died not having anything to bury her with, nbut not all people are like that....

Answer 18

i am 29 years old, my mom smoked her entire preg, in fact the doctors back then encouraged her to smoke to get the birth weight down, and i turned out ok.  the only ill effect i have is i am more prone to bronchitis.

Answer 19

I suggest meeting with the NICU Social Worker at the hospital  -- she/he deals with these situations daily, and can help you with the reality of parenting this little one.  She/he may also be able to give you info about a Preemie Support Group or other parent support group that you could go to and listen to other parents who are parenting a critically ill infant.

Smoking can cause severe deficits in some babies -- all babies are different, and some are severely affected by smoking, others by even moderate drinking while another baby might do very well with daily cocaine exposure.  It is not a cookie cutter kind of response.

I always advise aparents and bparents in your shoes -- if nothing can stop you from moving forward, then do.  If all you think of is the roadblocks, then perhaps slow down or back away.

My heart is with this baby, and you.

Answer 20

We were in a similar situation, although our son was 3 months old when we met him and not a newborn infant.  Our son suffers from a life-threatening medical disorder.  The bio family told us about the disorder before we met them or the child.  

We were terrified about the same things you are concerned with.  But we finally realized (after a lot of praying) that no pregnancy is guaranteed to produce a healthy child.  We could give birth to a biological child and that child could have the same medical issues or even worse.  Would we love that child any less?  No.  Then why would we consider "not" adopting this child simply because he had a medical condition.  For us, the choice made itself.  God had a plan for us and this was that plan.  We have been blessed that our son's disorder has not caused him any problems, but we know that every day is a blessing and that at any time things can change.  But that is how life is in general.  I could wake up tomorrow and be hit by a car.  Only God knows what is in store for our family and I must place my faith in Him.

Good luck to you.

Answer 21

I am suprised an agency would want anyone to adopt a baby thats dying ? Sounds odd.

Answer 22

It all depends on whether you are willing to go through a possible loss to give that child as much love as you can. Do you feel this child could benefit from having loving parents at his bedside? Knowing your situation, even if you choose not to adopt, is there a policy at the hospital where you could still spend time with him? Even sick children benefit from having loving family at their bedside when they are sick, it could be the turning point for him.

Answer 23

My mother smoked all nine months of her pregnancy, and here I am today.....a 49-year-old healthy woman.   And a 36-week preemie has an EXCELLENT chance of survival.

It sounds to me like there is some missing information here.  If the child truly is very sick, there must be some other reason outside the smoking and prematurity.   If he's not, then you are just being paranoid about adopting a baby that did not have PERFECT prenatal care.  Or there's some other reason you're reluctant to adopt him.  Or you're a troll.

Answer 24

I think you should pray about it, and if that's God's will for you then I say go for it. If something were to happen to him, at least he would have parents that loved him until that point- and he would go be with Jesus anyways. God said let the little children come to me, and we're suppose to be like him. It would be hard to handle, but pray for healing and believe God for miracles...that baby can live-and you just might save his life! =)

Answer 25

if you even have to ask, the answer is no.

Answer 26

do it and if he dies at least you gave him a life and chance that no one else will

Answer 27

(edited)

My feelings are if you are not sure then don't....  It also seems that based on other questions you have details with your daughters adoption that still need to be resolved... Best to take care of those issues before committing to a special needs baby.

ETA: Are you doing Foster Care or Foster to Adopt? Reading your other questions and answers make me even more confused????

Answer 28

I think that you should adopt him because even if he didn't you should feel great that you loved him and cared for him through that. No matter what age you are, you always need someone loving there for you. And there is always a great possibilty that he will get through this alive and you will have missed out on getting a wonderful child! Best of luck for the baby boy!

Answer 29

All I can think of is how sad I am for the child. If you don't adopt he could die without any family or anyone who cares. Somebody has to believe in the little guy and give him a chance.

I know...easy for me to say, but those are my feelings.

Answer 30

I dont think you should be taking advice on major life decisions, like this, from Yahoo Answers.

Answer 31

If you love this baby go for you, but make sure you can accept the pain of losing him. Wouldn't it still hurt if you didn't adopt him and he still died? There is a chance he could live, there have been such medical wonders.

Do what is right to you.

I'm glad you answered my question. If it's still going to hurt then you should, you can take some comfort knowing you loved him.