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Should a 15 year old be expected to do this...?

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My mates mum has 5 kids, 18,15,11,5 and 19 months. the eldest (my mate) lives with her grandmother. the 15 yr old is expected to do almost everything for the two youngest. the 5 yr old wont even put here own knickers on . the worst bit is that the mother does nothing. the 15 year old has the two children sleeping with her in her bed because they wnt sleep alone. the 5 yr old sometimes wets the bed and the 15yr old has to get up in the night for the baby. the 5 yr old is staring yr 1 and still has a dummy when we go out in public. i know the 15 yr old finds it hard but is too worried to say anything to her mum. is there anything i can do to help. is this a normal family situation?

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  1. No this is not normal.  This is too much responsibility for her.  She is supposed to be a kid still not a parent to her siblings.  I don't know if there is anything she can do except move out and life somewhere else.  Just give her support and lend a ear or hand when she needs it.


  2. NO, A 15YR OLD SHOULDN'T BE EXPECTED TO DO ALL THAT, THOSE ARE HER MOTHER'S CHILDREN, NOT HERS. YOU SHOULD CALL SOCIAL SERVICES ANIMOUSLY AND ASK TELL WHAT'S GOING ON AND  TO CHECK IN ON THEM, SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE ABOUT THIS.

    I HOPE THIS HELPS  

  3. ERM :S

    in my opinion i really dont think that is a normal family situation for one thing the 15 year old would surely be stressed with the GCSE'S coming up without having to deal with a bunch of kids.....  and the 15 year old should take a deep breath and tell her mom.... why dosnt her mum do anything anyway? there her kids? is she ill or summit or just lazy?  

  4. don't you think she's growing up too fast. i mean she's already taking the mothers job of taking care of them. you should explain this to the mother.  

  5. no it isn't normal, if her mother has a disability or something then it would be ok for the 15 year old to be doing this, but this borders onto neglect and cruelty.

    why aren't the grandmother and 18 year old doing something?

    call social services if you are genuinely worried.

  6. No, it's not normal. The mother should be doing that, not the 15 year old. 2 kids should not be the top of her worries, her school work and future thoughts should be.

  7. Sounds like that 15 year old needs to be shown the back of her mothers hand! She must do as she's told!!!!! :O

  8. This is not really a normal family situation but it does seem to happen a lot.  

    Children at that age really need support. Your friend should confront your mother about this along with the 15 year old. That will help them to feel more secure.

    As for helping, there is not really much you can do since it isnt your family. Most of the help will have to come from your friend.

    If you would like to talk about this more, you can email me anytime.


  9. this is not normal!! its normal to help but not to be the mother of the kids!!!! especial since nthis year shes got her gcses to worry about not her siblings!!! if the mother is dead i understand but shes not so why the h**l wont she raise her children. whe the 15year old one grows up she will hate her mother and may blame older sister for leaving and younger siblings for ruining her child hood!!

    15 year olds should be going out and having fun and meeting boy even getting drunk sometimes! your only young once!!!

    you should speak to he mther or to your freind just talk to someone and its good you care. also sometimes try take the 15year old out with out the lil ones and let her enjoy her self!!!

    xox

    its good to know that you care


  10. No its not normal!! A 15 year old should not be exspected 2 do that. I mean yea help out once in a while but not that much !! It sounds like that mum should take responsibilty its her kids not the 15 yr olds!! thats totaly out of order and ur mate should stand up 4 her self and say no mum i wont take them out...there not sleeping in my bed !! hope every thing gets sorted out!! x

  11. I think she should be able to do this with no problem. All my life (I'm 13 and a mom now) I took care of my younger siblings. They are (now) 9 (today is his birthday), 7, 5 and 4.

  12. It sounds like her mother is too lazy to deal with birth control and too lazy to take responsibility for the results.  It's a sad situation for the 15 year old but you and the 18 year old sister could help her out by offering to baby sit sometimes for her.  That way she could get away from those kids now and then and have some free time to be a kid herself.

  13. Of course a 15 year old shouldn't be doing it. If the mother can't look after her kids, then she needs to stop popping kids out at a rate of about 1 every 4 years. She needs another hobby.

  14. Normal is defined differently for every family.

    Is this typical.....I'd say no. Not sure how you can help solve the root cause of this situation with the mother but good luck.

  15. Maybe your mate should get the mum to help. Make a small stand help mature the 5 Y/o and get the eldest to help out.

  16. you should try to tell her if she wont understand you have too much work you call social services

  17. sounds like the movie Gracie's Choice.

    maybe somehow the 15yr old can go live with the grandma too.  

  18. Speak to Social Services. It is NOT right. She is basically a slave. They are not her children so her mother should be looking after them herself.

  19. No that is definitely not on and three in a bed no way its against the law. I would get Social services involved. I don't blame the 18 year old from living with her grandmother best off out of it by the sound of things.

  20. no it is not, is there a father/fathers in the picture? The 15yr old should be allowed to be just a kid, maybe help a little but not do everything. That's the mothers job! can your mate talk to the grandmother and have her talk to the mother? That house needs help!

    Your a good mate for wanting to help!

    D

  21. Jesus, h**l no. that is not a normal family! i mean, there is an 18 year old there, right? and a mother who is well able, why doesnt she do all this. kids are supposed to be given the chance to be kids, at 15, if you ask me, she is just being a parent, which is not fair. she needs to get her sleep, her rest and get those responsibilities off her sholuder!!!

    i mean, of course kids are expected to help out here and there, like clearing out their own dishes and other minor stuff, but not this. the mother is lazy, sorry to say this. she is taking advantage of the fact that that kid doesnt complain. am not telling to be rebellious, no. just tell her to stand up to her and tell her mother to do what a mother is supposed to do. she, as 15 year old CHILD, can help out with the minor stuff that kids are supoosed to do. like clearing the table, setting it up, even the dishes here and there, you know. not playing mum and waking up in the middle of the night to take care of baby. very wrong!!!!!

    its her mother's baby. not hers.

  22. My sister has 5 kids, 18,13,7,6 & 19 months - she has always relied on the older kids to look after the younger ones as this is the only way big families can function especially single parent families.

    I don't think she should be dealing with bed wetting, or having kids sleeping with her, these issues are all parenting ones rather than sibling ones.

    Perhaps your friend could speak to her grandmother or her mother to make them see that the situation is out of control?

    Alternatively the 15 year old could speak to her teacher who will then get social services involved to help out.

    Could someone also explain why this situation is wrong for a "normal" family but ok if the child is looking after a parent as a "carer"?

    No child should be put in this position - no matter what disablities/additions/woes their parent(s) encounter!

  23. this is defnitetaly not a normal family situation and the mother needs urgent help to take care of her children. SHE HAS A RESPONSIBILITY.

    that family needs help pronto.

    docs or just a help around the house but obviously the children need a different room and the children need upbringing.

    this  must be a VERY stressful situation for the 15 year old and this is also forcing her to grow up too fast.


  24. No its wrong and someone should report the mother to social services who will get a support worker in to asses the situation.

  25. You don't mention a dad so I assume that this is a single parent. She probably has her hands full doing the best she can to support the family. That requires a premature growing up on the part of the eldest child. It's unfortunate but these situations are common in single parent families.

    You can say something to her, but it's probably not going to change the way things are in her life until she is on her own. The good news is that growing up in such a hardship will probably make her a stronger adult and she will appreciate the better things that life has to offer in the future.

    Good Luck...

  26. Yes it is,we all used to dig in and help our mum out,its hard enough having us kids ,it takes a lot out of a woman and she needs all the help she can get.I never begrudged any work i had to do at home because it was pay back to my parents and helped my little brothers to mingle,i grew up better for it.It,s no good being selfish,you pay for it.This used to be very common at one time,especially where i lived,some of the mums were just used and left,they had given up.The modern kids have no idea of how really hard life can be in the main.No tele,no games machines,no spends,an outside loo,no toilet paper,just thick newspaper,and many other of todays comforts were lacking,but we knew how to entertain ourselves and create our own spends with huge paper rounds etc.

  27. No it's not normal, it's possible the mother is feeling very overwhelmed but putting it all on the 15yr old is not right and is very damaging for the whole family.

    They all need help, get your friend to talk to a trusted teacher and ask for help for her family. The mother may be angry but she needs a wake up call before her family goes down the drain.

  28. hold the mother hostage

  29. the 15 y/o shoudl stand up for herself , her mother wanted the babies so she can look after them

    poor girl  

  30. it sounds like this is a stressful situation, you are probably more worried for her than she is for herself.

    a fifteen year old I feel, should not have to do all that but obviously the family is going through somthing.

    you should try and talk to your friend and tell her how you feel about it and try to support her. there alot of 15 year olds that have found themselves in these situations and then grow out of it, im sure this wont last forever as, the kids will soon grow up and will be taking more care of themselves.

    and as for her mum, she should be more supportive and wake up!

  31. talk to the 15yr old and ask her how she feels about this. If she is worried to talk to her mum ask ur mate to step in sice they are old enpugh to understand. At 15 she shouldn't hav 2 put up with that poor girl :(
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