Should a civilian spouse expect less out of their military husband/wife?

Question

For instance, should a civilian wife be angry at her military husband for not taking out the garbage or not paying her attention considering that he has to get up and be at the base by 6 a.m. for morning PT, doesnt get home most days until 5 p.m. and can be called in on weekends on days off at any point to bail his privates out of jail or for funeral detail.

Answer 1

umm you should really extend those hours he doesnt come home till its almost seven most nights....and yeah he does still have the occasional chore at the house..its called taking the trash to the dump..meanwhile i am full time school right now i worked until we moved in jan..and while working still did the exact same amount of work in the house..to include two kids to school appointments band whatever...all the laundry and cleaning and cooking of meals and washing up after wards..done by me...but by h**l he can take that trash to the dump ....end of story

Answer 2

When my husband is not deployed, he is well taken care of. When he comes home from PT, he has a hug and a cup of coffee waiting for him. Lunch, he comes home, sits at the computer and I bring him lunch. After COB formation, he comes home, I take his boots off, and he relaxes. That is not to say he doesnt have things to do, but my husband DOES get a break because he has been up since 5am, working all day, sometimes out in the hot sun, dealing with BS all day. I run the household, and that is the way we do it. It isnt that I expect less, but I ask less of him. There are things he has to make sure are done, but there is a clear division of labor and he knows what has to be taken care of, and when it has to be taken care of.

Answer 3

You can and it would be normal but it won't help.

We've all been there. My husband works 7 out of 7 and 10-16 hours a week. I get upset, sure, but it doesn't solve anything and I have to remind myself that:

1. he'd be home if he could

2. he didn't make his work schedule

and 3. this is the Army and this is how it is.

Try to make time together alone. Tell him you feel unappreciated without yelling or being rude. Maybe he needs a reminder.

I have been there. In fact, I am there! Date nights have been a life saver.

Just remind yourself that there are plenty of women who couldn't do half of what you do.

Answer 4

Uhm no.  He still lives in the house, right?  He does his share.  When your kids have the flu, do you get a break?  No.  You still cook, clean, listen to your husband's problems, balance the checkbook, discipline the kids, etc.  

PS.  If he's getting called out every weekend to bail people out of jail, something is way wrong.  

Answer 5

It's a honorable occupation and the wife should be proud of what her husband does.  I think the wife should be understanding since it comes with the job but also the husband needs to try and make up for it when he can.  The divorce rate in the military is extremely high because of that reason.  No relationship can be one sided.

Answer 6

A good military spouse knows that the military always comes first, and picks up the slack when he can't. I would never expect my husband to cook and clean and do whatever else after he strolls in the door at 7pm when he left at 4am, if I've been sitting home since 3pm (or all day). That being said, on days he's off and on weekends, I do expect him to pitch in around the house. We are a team. We have 3 children. I work, too. The things that need to get done around the house are done by whomever has the time to do it. No need to complain or get angry about it. We're both responsible enough to see what has to get done, and do it, without whining about who should do what.  

Answer 7

Lol, no! A military wife knows what she got into when she married her husband.  While it does take more work, I think she has to give him some extra credit!

Answer 8

Husbands and wives should agree on what each person's duty is around the house.

We use to be dual military, but now only he is active duty.  That does not mean his job is anymore important than mine.  And it's my job that is going to support us when he retires.  Until recently (due to PCSing soon) I worked at the Post Office.  When you start at the post office you have to be available every day.  My husband had no problem enjoying the extra money, so he should have no problem doing a little extra work around the house.

Being active duty is a very respectful job, but that does not mean the active duty member does not have any other responsibilities either.  My husband has a daughter from his first marriage and if we weren't married he'd have to do everything for her, so he should not take advantage of the fact that I am here.  When there are issues with her and her school work I do everything I can, but the fact of the matter is she is his biological daughter and he and her mother are the ones who have custody of her, there is only so much I can do.  And when I was working (delivering mail from my vehicle) I could not leave my route or else I would be subject to fines and jail time.  Being active duty does not and should not make him less responsible for his life outside of his work.

I don't think military wives should have to be treated any differently than civilian wives.  My dad was never military and yet had to work crazy hours at times and sometimes be gone for six months at a time.   He was our dad and my mom's husband regardless of where he was.  My husband is my husband and my children's father regardless of where he is.  

If a spouse is working late, it's polite to let them relax when they get home, keep their dinner warm, etc.  But this does not mean the active duty person can treat the non active duty person like c**p.

Answer 9

If she is that childish...she really needs to grow up...

The Needs Of The Service "Always" come first if she

doesn't know that by now she is in a hurt locker...

The old adage is true today as it was 100 years ago...

"If the Military wanted you to have a Wife...

They would have issued him one..."