Should a couple in a serious relationship live together prior to marriage?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year. We are talking about living together, and were not married. My Dad feels I should be married before I live with someone. I want to know if I am living wise compatible with someone prior.

Answer 1

If you two are serious enough to think about that stage, then it's time for an engagement and marriage, don't bother shacking up. The commitment should come in the form of marriage.

Stats are awful for couples playing house who then get married.

The other thing which frequently happens is what we see all the time on this category - questions like "We've been living together for three years and he still won't ask me to marry him..." for example. Once you are living together, it's easy to get in a rut - lots of times then guys especially feel they have no want or need to get married, simply because they have it all.

I was 28 when I got married, and we didn't shack up. It was wonderful to have all the excitement of being married first, then living together as husband and wife.

Answer 2

I didn't live with my now-husband until we got married. That made getting married so much more life-changing, which I saw as a great thing. It wasn't just one day we went and got married then things were back to normal. We got married and THEN officially started our lives together. I'm so glad we did it that way.

With that said, you are 28-years-old, and if you really want to live with your b/f, then do it. Your dad has no say in this. I'm sure he realizes you are well old enough to make your own choices and will be okay with whatever you choose, even if it isn't what he wanted. You can't live your life trying to please other people.

However, I would encourage you to wait until you get married. This whole "living together to see if we're compatable" c**p is nothing to me personally. Spending time with them day to day should be enough to get to know them. If you argue over how he leaves the toilet seat up or he won't do the dishes, and break up over that, then you're not truly in love. Get married then move-in together!  

Answer 3

My boyfriend and I have been living together for 2 years (dating for 2 1/2) and I wouldn't want it any other way. You learn a lot about a person after you've lived with them. Of course, he has a few bad habits around the house, but then so do I (honestly, who doesn't? lol!). There are a few surveys out there that say couples who live together before marriage are more likely to get a divorce than couples who move in afterwards, but I honestly don't see how. You would test drive a car before you bought it, right?

Answer 4

its a SIN! you will got to h**l

Answer 5

Imagine all the things that could possibly go wrong with you two living together.

Imagine all of those things happening AFTER you're already married.

I personally feel that getting a divorce is much, much worse than living together premaritally.

Answer 6

If the relationship is solid don't live with him. It is part of being married that gives you the right to live together. I don't like when people say they want to live together to see if they are "compatible" there is no such thing. I lived with 5 siblings and we all have different personalities and characteristics but we made it.  I don't think anyone is really compatible otherwise the relationship would be boring. Marriage is about working with and around differences.

Anyway I have a friend who moved in with her BF before they got married to see if they are "compatible" and they were suppose to get married. They have been living together for 5 yrs now and never got married because now he is afriad of commitment and she doesn't want to leave him and he doesn't want her to leave. She is 30yrs old and i am 21 and though she knew her soulmate way before i did, i will be getting married in 2010.She thinks i will get married before her. Every time she brings up the subject of marriage, he ignores the convo. Don't put yourself in that situation; A situation where you will get comfortable and postpone the wedding longer than you expected. This has happened to many people, im sure.

If you guys are truly solid, get married and then move in together. It is part of the adventure. if you do it before, it spoils the fun. After the honeymoon you would be going to your home that you have been living together for a couple months or so, then it will be like ya'll just came from a huge  party or vacation rather then your wedding that signified a new beginning. Having a guy marry you is part of the chase, as a matter fact is is the final stage of the chase (lol). He has you of course but have him chase you and eagerly wait to marry you and then spend the rest of his life with you.

In my opinion, if you move in together before you get married, just get married at court instead of having a ceremony.

Anyway, don't spoil it for yourself, wait till you get married before you move in together that way you have more to look forward to.  

Answer 7

It's interesting you ask this as I was just reading some statistics about couples who live together prior to marriage having a higher chance of divorce, although it didn't specify the percentage difference.  That said, I don't know anyone in this day and age who didn't live together before being married.

What your father is saying goes back to the age old question of "why buy the cow if the milk is free?"  Now, I hate being compared with a cow, but there is some truth to it.  The divorce rate has certainly gone up over the years as has the percentage of couples living together prior to marriage.  I think the correlation is more about couples not staying together when it is clear that the marriage isn't working (as people probably did do years ago).  

As for you and your boyfriend, I would ask, how old are you?  Have you already gone to college or are you already on your career path?  If you are on the younger side (younger than 20) I would say that living together after just a year is a bit premature.  If you are a little older, have already lived the fun single life and are ready to settle down, then I see no problem with living together.

Your father just wants what's best for you.  And odds are, he will probably be there for you if things don't work out with your boyfriend, so he wants you to make the best decisions now to avoid heartache in the future.  

Good luck!

I definitely agree that you should live with someone prior to marriage.  You learn so much about someone when you live with them.  If you are in a position where you are thinking that you want to marry this guy, then I would say you should 'test the waters' and live together first.

Answer 8

My Fiance is a lot harder work than I thought when it comes to living together, and I'm very glad we did move in together before the wedding. Its personal preference, but I would suggest it.  

Answer 9

I don't see why not, I live with my boyfriend and it's a serious relationship, at first my family didn't like it but now they're OK with it. We're not married either but we plan on doing so!  Good Luck with that :)  

Answer 10

I'm alittle bit surprised at all the poeple who said you should live together.  Personally if you feel like its the best thing to it's not anyone elses place to say otherwise.. But I also think it could bring problems after your married, because living with him now you both are just going to be playing house and being on your best behavors.  Once your married though he may not always help you with those dishes, or be so "private" with different weird habbits.. So it should be something you know before moving in with someone, because you wont see what your really getting into once you are actually married.  So for me I think it would be best to wait till after your married, but other people are perfectly happy living together before... Everything just depends on the couple, theres no wrong or right answer.  

Answer 11

For what it's worth, statistics show that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce than couples who do not live together before marrying.  Now, that doesn't guarantee a divorce, nor does is ascribe cause (is living together before marriage the cause of divorce, or is there something in the personalities of people who choose to live together before marriage that also contributes to divorce?).

Personally, I think if you're going to blend belongings and finances, you're both better off under the legal protection and social acceptance of marriage, but that's just my opinion.

Answer 12

Statistics show that couples who live together prior have a higher rate of divorce than those who dont. And there is also the religious aspect, for some individuals. Some people just want to hold off on that first-time living together excitement and have that anticipation.

But none of these should be reasons not to do it, if you think its best for you.

My husband and I lived together before we got engaged and married. Our marriage is going great. It was important to me to know that our living styles are compatible, mostly because of my little quirks! So just do whats best for you, you sound level-headed.  

Answer 13

Personally I wouldn't, because I want to save that freedom feeling when I get married. If you rush into things then there won't be anything to feel good about later.  

Answer 14

I personally think its a good idea. Get to know each other quirks and habits before you're Stuck with them.  My fiance says he's happy we are living together first.  Apparently i have a few bad habits that needed some addressing (and so did he!!) I think our communication skills are stronger, because when you fight - you just cant run away... you HAVE to deal with them right then and there (or sooner rather than later). That lead us to some serious growth on the part of both parties.  I doubt our relationship would have worked through some of our arguements, if i had a chance to not confront the problem.

BUT i read an article last week about how, statistically, living together prior to marriage has a higher divorce rate than staying seperate. I dont get that personally... but i didnt do the research!!

Answer 15

How will living together give you any more of an idea if you're compatible? You're still on your courtship behaviour. If living together beforehand helped why would the divorce rate be so much higher for couples who cohabit before marriage? When couples cohabit before marriage, especially when it's done as a trial, there is always a large risk that the "oh, this is temporary" feeling will persist after you get married.

I understand the "lies, d**n lies and statistics" reaction so many people have. Even if you're assuming that the statistics don't apply to you, if living together before getting engaged was able to help marriages, why would the divorce rate be so much higher for couples who did so?

Answer 16

honestly i think you should move in with ur bf b4 getting married because that's when you actually know your partner more than you think. you come to realize their flaws. you can go visit his apartment as many times as u want but you still wont find out how is it to really live with dat person.  

Answer 17

Statics show the people who live with each other prior to marriage has more of a chance of failure than sucess. Also if you have plans to marry this guy the wiser would say not to move in with him for this may place delays. I would say wait until your married before you move in with him.

Answer 18

No, I wouldn't and I don't think anyone else should either.

Answer 19

I think its a great idea i would prefer to live with him first and see who he is because just staying over doesnt always show someones true colours. I have been with my fiance for just over 3.5 years and we have lived together for 2.5 and we have had no problems we are getting married this november. I dont think i could marry someone with out living with them first to see if its going to work.