Should a father pay for his 30 year old daughter's wedding?

Question

She lives in another state, is paying for a home with her fiance, and both the fiance make a steady salary (probably as much or more as their parents do before any debt etc). She wants to have a fairly big wedding.

Should the father be expected to pay for the wedding, especially if it is in another state? How much should he be expected to pay? Why can't the groom's parents pay for some of it?

Thanks!

Answer 1

yes, yes, yes!!  Unless the daughter doesn't give a c**p...but I've had a pretty crummy dad all my life, and my mother just asked him to help pay $100 to pitch in for my sisters wedding reception.  He was so upset that he had to pitch in.  Also, he said he was going to pay 1/2 for my other sisters wedding and he didn't pay squat...nada...I, on the other hand, who am way more confrontational, said "I'm your daughter, you are going to help pay for my wedding, and that's that."  He really had no choice.  But then I didn't get a wedding gift from him, just a card lol.  Sorry went off on a complete tangent, but yes, I DO feel dads have just as much responsibility as the moms.  

If he has put in more than the rest and is okay with that though, just let him do it, And I don't know the rules about who pays for what, but If someone asked the grooms parents how much they'd like to pitch in for the wedding, I'm sure they would, who knows...Sorry prolly didn't help much :)  **** luck!

Answer 2

A parent NEVER has to pay for his/her child's wedding, regardless of her age and financial situation.  If he wants to contribute to the wedding, that is a nice offering.

Even more so for a thirty year old woman who has gained independence.  Close up your cheque-book Dad.  She is playing you for a sucker.

Answer 3

I am getting married next year and as far as i am concerned it is my choice to get married and up to me to finance it with my fiance, not up to my parent or his to pay. in saying that some people like to stick to tradition so check this link our for traditional division of expenses

http://www.ourdreamwedding.com/index.cfm...

hope this helps.

Answer 4

no way! in general, parents are not responsible for their children's weddings anymore. in this day and age, the bride and groom are expected to pay for their own wedding.

Answer 5

Yes. It's traditional for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding. If not all of it, he should pay for at least half of it.

Answer 6

he doesn't have to, if he doesn't want to .  

Answer 7

OMG are you serious? im 18 my fiance is 19...and we are paying for the wedding on our own...and we have had offers for help but this is something we feel we should do on our own.... why should the parents pay for something the children want?  if your old enuff to get married your old enuff to pay for it ........parents pay for it thats ridiculous.....

atleast to my fiance and i

Answer 8

Dear Person.  My daddy is paying for my wedding, but I am only 23 years old.  But, I think if a daddy wants to pay for a wedding, then why not?  And, if the daddy wants to contribute only a certain amount, then that is his right.  I hope the daddy and the bride can work out a mutual agreement that will make everyone happy.  And, if other family members, like the man's parents want to contribute, why, then can offer a check, or they can offer to buy the wedding album or pay for the musicians.  This is a happy occasion and I hope everyone can work out these joyous questions.

Answer 9

I don't think he should have to.  I feel like if she and her fiance can afford it then they should pay for it.  If she needs help with something along the way, then she should go to her father and ask for help.  They should have been saving for the big day and this question wouldn't have been asked, especially since they both have a steady salary.  I don't think the fiance family should have to contribute.  Like I said above, both the bride and groom should have been saving since they both wanted an extravagant wedding.

Answer 10

"Pay for"? That's a financial question rather than an etiquette question, and other than to say that no-one should attempt to impose onto anyone else the costs that they, by their own choices, incur; etiquette doesn't address who should pay for things.

Neither, by the way, does tradition say that a father should "pay for" his daughter's wedding -- that's twisting what tradition truly says. Tradition says that the bride's parents are given priority in *offering* to *host* the wedding reception -- that is, that IF they offer the bride should accept their offer, and that no-one else should offer until her parents have had the opportunity to do so.

So, should a father *host* his 30-year-old daughter's wedding? Yes, *if* he wants to, *if* he offers to do so, *if* she accepts the offer. And then, as host, he should (with his wife's guidance, of course) issue invitations and make arrangements for the scale and style of event that *he* believes to be within his budget and within the bounds of good taste.

If she's getting funding from her father for throwing her own bash according to her own judgment, she should be thanking her lucky stars (and her generous papa) for any red cent that she receives!

Answer 11

If he can afford some of it and would like to help, I don't see any harm in it. However, it shouldn't be expected.

Answer 12

My theory is only if he feels that he needs to help. It needs to come from him.  

Answer 13

the father is not obligated to pay a cent. If the father wants to help out then its a different story and totally his choice but I think it's very rude when spoiled children of any age just expect their parents to be their own personal ATM.

Answer 14

Parents should not be expected to pay. If they offer, its a GIFT, a gesture. The parents might pay if the kids cant afford it, or even if the kids are older and financially secure, parents still might pay in the spirit of a gift. Thats what a gift is, its not charity.

Whoever this bride is, should stop waiting for others to pay. If they havent offered, she is wrong to expect anything. Her wedding budget should be what she and her fiance can afford + what her father has offered. If her wedding costs are beyond that, its no ones fault except her own. And it would be selfish of her to ask her father or grooms parents for anything more.

Answer 15

Traditionally, yes, he should pay however, times are changing.  Why doesn't he sit down with his daughter and discuss everything?  If she is into traditions it may hurt her feelings that he doesn't want to pay.  

How far away she is or how old she is shouldn't really matter.  Does your daughter become any less your child because of her age or distance from you  

I had a fairly big wedding and although my father didn't pay for everything he did pay for a large portion of it.  If I had to come up with prices, I'd say that my dad paid about $5000, my husband and I paid about $3000, and his parents paid about $1000.  

If you are really worried about money, try to find ways to save money without taking away from the wedding.  My bridesmaids bought their own dresses (I gave them the general idea and they picked out one that followed my guidelines).  My dad is a chef so he catered our reception.  My husband's aunt is a really good amateur photographer so she took our pictures.  There are always ways to lower the price without ruining the wedding.  

Answer 16

No way. She should pay for it herself!

Their wedding, their bill. Anything the parents wish or can contribute should be accepted with the grace of a gift.

Answer 17

I really don't think the father should pay or have to pay for the wedding. If he offers then that's awesome but if he doesn't or offers to pay for some then that's even better.  I think teh husband(fiance) should pay for it.

Answer 18

Parents should never be *expected* to pay for a wedding. It is up to them to choose if they want to put money towards it and how much.

Answer 19

OMG !!! What planet are you from. It does not matter

1. How old daugher is and;

2. What state or country the daughter lives in... it is HIS DAUGHTER.

Bottom line of tradition is - Brides family pay for the wedding.

There are other costs involved that are traditionally spilt up eg;

- Groom pays for ALL rings & Honeymoon

- Groom's family pay for ALL Alcohol consumed at reception

- Bridesmaids pay for their own dresses

- Bride's parents pay for Wedding

- Bride pays for gifts for Bridesmaids

This is a talk that needs to happen between daughter & mother; which will include expectations, understandings, who can afford what, what the budget is (from the mom & dad). Remember mom & dad have a budget, and she will need to know. Weddings can cost anywhere between $1,000 and $1million.

I grew up around many european families who save their whole life for the wedding costs & dowry of their daughterS. They don't blink at the thought of a guest list of 500 people !!! As they started saving 20yrs before, they have plenty of savings and then some, which usually affords a purchase of a modest house as a wedding gift for the couple from Brides family.

So ...Mum & Dad will need to clearly spell out the bottom $$ line to daughter also. No point carrying on and making a falling out over money in unrealistic circumstances.

Everyone will need to be realistic, and at end of day as she is living away from home, it may be wiser, more fun & cheaper to all fly off the Mexico or the Carribean for a romantic holiday wedding, which may in effect be cheaper for everyone, as it always cuts the guest list in half !

eg;

www.bridalguide.com/honeymoon-travel/a...

www.theweddingexperience.com/wedding-d...

www.weddingmexico.com/

Very sad to think, just because she is 30 & lives in another state that tradition is washed away.

Good Luck

Answer 20

This is totally up to your father. Don't be jealous of your sister.

Answer 21

It really just depends on the father's views. A more traditional father may want to pay for the wedding if the daughter has chosen to marry within her father's ideals. A more liberal father may decide that paying for a wedding in not necessary. In many marriages, the groom's parents do help, usually with the cost of tuxedos and whatnot. Some fathers may feel like his pride is being insulted if the Groom's father pays for anything however other fathers may feel like they are being let off the hook or relieved. With a daughter of that age a father may feel this will be his last chance to really give to his "little girl". Ultimately, the cost a father pays needs to be determined by the father in question and what his beliefs dictate.

Answer 22

These days, tradition shouldn't really matter much in terms of who pays for the wedding. If the couple both make fairly good money, they should save up and pay for most of it themselves. Family contribution from both sides also seems like a good idea.

As for a dollar value, I wouldn't be able to tell you, but something that will be comfortable for the father (or mother too). They shouldn't have to go into debt to pay for their daughter's wedding. Tradition says that the groom's parents don't have to shell out for the wedding, but like I said, these days it would be fair that they share in the expenses as well.

Answer 23

Parents should never be "expected" to pay for a wedding regardless of if the bride and groom are 18 or 50.  You say her father is helping pay for the wedding...did he offer or did she demand?  If she demanded, she's definitely not mature enough to get married irregardless of her age.  

Answer 24

Expected? Nothing should be expected in this day in age. She should really pay for it herself.