Should a guy start a romantic relationship with a stranger who got pregnant from their one stand?

Question

My boyfriend of 4 months just recently found out he got a girl pregnant from a one night stand he had with her before we were dating. He only went out with her 2 times. He now has to decide what to do about this - he very much did not want to be a father at all, and used protection that night for that purpose. But now he thinks, since he is going to be a father whether he wants to or not, he should do the right thing and be responsible for the child.

The problem is he does not know the mother at all. They are basically strangers. He is thinking that he should start a relationship with her to find out if they are compatible for the sake of the child. This relationship may or may not lead to marriage. He thinks that it is better to have two parents together raising a child than apart. Since he doesn't even know her, he doesn't know if they are or are not compatible. He thinks he should try and see.

I am of the opinion that the mature thing to do here, rather than to get into a romatic relationship with all this other stuff going on, is to get to a point of mutual trust and friendship regarding the child; build a civil/friendly relationship where they can be on the same team with regards to parenting, without putting the messiness that can accompany romantic relationships into the mix. Who knows if they would be a great couple, but if they would not, that would ruin the chance at having a good relationship for the benefit of the child - the child could become a bickering point between them. I believe it is better to have to parents that get along and work together apart than two parents that don't together. And if they set the situation up now, the child will not know any different than what they show him or her. I believe he can still be a good dad without being with the mom.

Now I realize that I may be biased here - I care for this guy and do not want our relationship to just get thrown out the window because she says she is pregnant. Also, I should say that I did step up and tell him that I would support him in his decision and if that means he has visitation and needs help with the kid I will be there. I was not going to run. But I might not have that option - he might just leave. And I think that would be a mistake that would haunt him, and the child, for many years, not just now.

So I am asking for advise from others that might have had this situation or just better judgement. Should he start this relationship or simiply work out a situation in which he can be a part of the child's life but not with the mother?

Answer 1

have they considered giving the baby up for adoption and placing it in a good home together so they know that he/she will grow up in a home with two parents that love each other and maybe couldnt have a child for their own. They could still see the child on occasion so he/she knows who their real parents are. My cousin did this when he got his girlfriend pregnant. they will visit the child every year.

Answer 2

From the sound of your story she is single and pregnant ,but is she gainfully employed and on her own ? Does she live with family /parents ? Pregnancy and parenthood are huge responsibilties.If she is employed, has he considered just giving financial support to her for the baby ?Since you said this was a one night stand, he musn't have given her much thought as to if they could be a couple, since her didn't date her a lot.I suggest what you mentioned,, stay with you and be there as a father and support the baby in all ways a father is supposed to.

Answer 3

I do not believe it is necessary for him to begin a romantic relationship with this woman, but if he wants to be a part of his kid's life (which I applaud him for) he should at least try to get to know her and they should come to an understanding about what each others roles are and how they can become a team to raise this child.

This will almost certainly create stress in your relationship with him.  You will have to realize that if he really wants to be this child's father, the kid must come first (even before you).  If you two are going to continue your relationship, you will also have to be a part of raising this child.  You have to ask yourself if you are ready to be a parent because you will be if he decides to be a part of this child's life.

This is of course a difficult situation.  I wish you the best of luck and hope everything works out for the both of you.

Answer 4

now this is strange. I compliment the guy on trying to do whats "best" for the child but he's living back in the olden days. Lots of kids grow up with separated parents and that's okay. He CAN still be a good dad and not be with the mother of his child. It is his decision and I'm almost proud of you to stay strong through this even after a man you care for says he might want to be with another woman, but you may be able to sway his decision by talking about it. He's a grown man and he's capable of being a good father and starting a relationship for a child cannot work. A child shouldn't come into this world with an agenda. I hope I helped... and by the way, if he used protection and this girl had s*x with him so soon.... I'd tell him to wait for a paternity test before he makes a drastic decision.. and maybe before you sleep with him again, get him checked for stds. No disrespect but 2 dates and a lay? sounds kinda dirty. Good luck!

Answer 5

well no, not really a romantic relationship but he needs to be there for the baby....to love her isn't even a thought right now

Answer 6

First off has anyone brought this to his attention: If they used protection and she was only with him once and hung out 2 times how does he know it's his? How does he know she wasn't with another guy without protection JUST ONCE? He needs to really think about all this before he leaps in. I think he should wait until the child is born and a DNA test is done before he tries to have a romantic relationship, although since it is a possibility he is the father they should keep in contact. Also are you sure he's giving you the whole truth? Any guy that I know who used protection with a girl he had a one night stand with would automatically think it's not his, this leads me to believe they didn't use protection and he's just telling you they did. I would sit him down, let him know how you feel about it all and try to be as honest as possible.