Should a preschooler with autism go to pre-k or be homeschooled?

Question

I feel that socialization for a preschooler who is very shy , introverted has benefits. Also , the preschool acts as a babysitter to busy moms with multiple young kids like me who need a little break . I have a 4 a 3 and a 2 yr old and it's very overwhelming at times ! It's not easy to care for an autistic child , even if it is very mild autism . At the same time I feel that being away from his mom&siblings is not beneficial for him at such a young age (3) . He may have low self esteem and confidence being left at school. At home he can feel secure and develop a healthy independence. He can learn a lot from his siblings who would be the best therapists for him. But I wonder how moms who homeschool do it , being a teacher , mom , wife , cook , housekeeper , etc....I feel incompetent for such a duty . I scream at my kids , cry and at that moment I feel like they would be better in school . So what's really better?

Answer 1

yes you should send him to public school pre-k he needs to talk to people get to know people other than you if it was severe case might be different but mild yes definetly take him to a place you trust though

Answer 2

If your child has autism then he needs all the resources he can get. I have 4 kids; 2 with autism; they go to public school. i homeschool my daughters who do not have autism. i send my boys who do have autism to public school so they can get the benefit of school based therapies, IEPs, structured TEACH classrooms and daily socialization with other peers.  I am also a speech language pathologist. My best advice to you is do not homeschool your child if they are autistic; they need the expertise of a school enviornment that includes teachers, aids and therapists, and the sooner the better.

Answer 3

My heart goes out to you!  You have been blessed with 3 wonderful children, but they are all still very young.  Life with 3 children under 4 is just plain busy!  It gets much easier when your oldest child is around 5 or 6.  I think perhaps ou are being to hard on yourself.

Before I comment further, I think you should know that some of the people who have answered above are against homeschooling under any circumstances and that has probably tainted their answers.

I think you should follow your instincts and bring your 3 yo home. No expert knows him better than you do.  NATHHAN is a special needs homeschooling group which can provide some of the support you need.  Here's the link:

http://www.nathhan.org

I too once had trouble keeping the house in order.  Flylady helped me a bunch.  Don't feel you have to do everything she suggests or even read all of the e-mails.  Do the basic morning and evening routine and your house will always be reasonably clean.

http://www.flylady.net



Next, make sure you are not being to hard on yourself.  The house does not have to be perfect.  You don't have to cook gourmet meals.  Preschool for your oldest should be extremely simple.  Set aside time to read to her every day.  That in and of itself is enough.

Your children are only young once.  Relax and enjoy these years!

Answer 4

If your child has autism, he definitely needs the sucture/resources/depth of knowledge and experience that he can get from being in a classroom with a Special teacher.  These people have spent years learning how to cope/train/educate/motivate and be a teacher to young people with autism.

Answer 5

There is nothing school can do for him that you can't do with a little effort and self education. I do recommend a support group and plenty of play time for both the child and the mommy. Could you split the difference and put him in daycare part time? You sound a bit bewildered and frustrated. I can only imagine that an autistic toddler takes alot of work. A friend of mine homeschools her two autistic sons. She does call me for moral support often. It may be that it is too overwhelming to take on and a good public school is your best option. To be honest, her greatest stumbling block is not her boys, but her obsession with perfection. She is working with her prayer and peer counseling group about letting go of her outlandish expectations for herself. She’s made great progress too. I can tell that you love your children and enjoy spending time with them. I cannot tell you what you should do, but I can answer your question about how homeschool moms do what we do:

1. Repeat these mantras; "Donna Reid does not live here". Or my very favorite, "I never did mind about the little things".

2. Children are not made of glass and one outburst from mom will not break them. You can make up later and work on your patience as you go. On a bad day, call a friend and take a time out. If you feel you are crossing the line into abuse, get help right away.

3. Kids do not need a 7 course gourmet meal. A banana and peanut butter sandwich with a glass of milk is a hot commodity around here. What I call cheating, my daughter calls comfort food. Remember that a crock pot is a busy mom's best friend.

4. Never neglect yourself or you marriage. Get a bubble bath once a week. Join a book club (or whatever you are interested in). Plan for a date night every so often and spend at least a little time each night talking and cuddling with your husband. It is not a matter of great effort, only positive attitude and persistence. The same is true of anything, not just homeschool.

5. Do not volunteer for everything that comes your way! People will hear that you are a house wife and you homeschool and imagine you have all the time in the world. (ROTFL!) Be picky about what you commit your time too.

Visit these websites: guiltfreeghomeschool.com (look for redeeming a disaster day.)  and Flylady.net

Please know that because of your love and careful thought, you cannot make the wrong choice for your family. Even though yours may be different from mine, it will be the right path to take. Trust yourself.

Answer 6

I agree with you that he should feel more "secure and develop a healthy independence" at home.  If he is introverted, he will always be introverted.  That is a personality trait as well as being shy.  Preschool wouldn't do anything more for socialization than being home with his mom and siblings (they are after all still part of society).

That said, if you are overwhelmed with your responsiblities as mom, which is very understandable.  Maybe you need for figure out a way for you to relax and find ways to cope with your daily life.  It is difficult to raise children but you can do it, you just need to find your way.

Answer 7

maybe you need to ask for help once in a while.  do you belong to a support group?

if your child is 3, then preschool is not a problem for another year, maybe two.  if your child has a mild case of autism, then you may 'test' the waters.  daycare 2 days a week & see how things go.  preschool is usually only 1/2 days, so ... if he/she does well, up the days to 3 ...

Answer 8

I would go homeschool, even without the autism. If you take the time (and there are lots of places to help you out) it will be so worth it, I was home schooled. Search online for HSLDA (Homeschool legal defense association), ABEKA (a great source for school materials and books), Timberdoodle (link is below, a homeschool family that only sells what they use).

Also, try to find someone locally who could give you a few tips. Lots of people have homeschooled their kids and faced MANY challenges, and won. Don't worry, you can do it.

Answer 9

What is better depends on what you can and are willing to offer the autistic preschooler compared to what the school can offer.

Autistic children, or even shy children, often won't learn social skills simply by being in a group. (Introverted is something entirely different.) They need specific modelling and guidance. Where is he going to get that best?

If homeschooling is something you think would be better for him but you don't feel like you have the necessary parenting/organizational skills *at this time*, then work on yourself to be able to provide something better for your son when you feel more ready. There are tons of parenting books, tons of organizational programs (have you checked out FlyLady?), tons of support out there. Not everybody is cut out to homeschool, but those who want to (like it sounds like you want to), even if they aren't quite ready for it, have the drive they need to change themselves so that it'll work. You can become what you want to be.

Btw, we are all human. I'm guessing that most parents have screamed at their kids and felt just awful. However, most of us don't give up parenting entirely. You don't have to be perfect to homeschool; you just have to be willing to try.

Answer 10

I have a friend who also has a 3yr old who has a mild case of autism with one older sibling and one younger.  She sends him to a pre-school program at her church for 2 half days per week.  She has been very pro-active in finding out ALL options for him and what would work best for her and her family.  She has changed their diet as a family to be gluten free.  

I have 5 kids, ages 9,7,6,3, and 1 and I homeschool my kids.  The key is to take one day at a time.  Make a plan.  What are your goals for the day?  What are your family values?  What is your vision for your children?  What is the best way to meet these goals.  Does it mean homeschooling, pre-k, a combo of both?

For me, I have the kids be a part of what I'm doing. I teach them about cooking.  They fight over who gets to be the "chef" at mealtimes.  They help carry clothes to the laundry room.  They help bring their dishes to the sink,etc.  Even my 1 year old helps get the dishes out of the dishwasher!  They are GREAT helpers and are confident and self-sufficient.  Some days are better than others.  We all make mistakes and may scream and cry from time to time b/c we are HUMAN!  The key is to have a healthy balance in your life.  Are you taking time to recharge?  I have a weekly Bible Study that I attend.  I teach the kids at church(yes, that recharges me!) I create things and include the kids.  This is art! I embroider and sew and teach my kids.  I had to learn how valuable it is to do things that make me feel healthy and less stressed without feeling guilty.  As a result, so I would be outside more, I started a vegetable garden.  The end result is I am a better mom, wife, teacher, and friend.  My kids have learned the value of hard work and working as a team.

Ultimately, you must follow your heart and do what is best for your family.  Have healthy balance.  Take date nights with your spouse. Put it on the calendar! Don't feel guilty when you do something to recharge.  Find out what that is for you - reading? a warm bath (with no kids around)?  Maybe you can exchange babysitting with another family so you have a kid free night to look forward to.

Whatever you decide, you won't feel happy or satisfied unless you do what you feel called to do.  And, if you feel called to do it, you will be given the ability to do it.  When I had 2 kids, I didn't need to know how to be the mother of 5!  Trust yourself!  You can do it!  You are a GREAT mom!  Best wishes!!!

Answer 11

Since you have indicated that he is mildly autistic, I think he should attend preschool.  Also, it sounds like you are carrying a lot of stress and before you homeschool you should take care of those issues first....   He is three and that is a young pre-k age, but, from personal experience I can say that placing my oldest in preschool when he was three was the best option for him... he was extremely shy and it really helped him with developing friendships, sharing, independence.  He is now in middle school (yikes, lol)...

Answer 12

When it comes down to it, it is up to you-- some people love homeschooling, some don't.

Socialization for very shy kids is important, but IME a normal school can serve to make a shy kid withdraw further because it can be a very intimidating environment. IME homeschooling and bringing the child to take part in smaller groups where they feel safer participating, more involved, and there is not so much peer pressure and "cliques" being formed.

As for time-- I found homeschooling opened up much more free time and made my day easier-- when my daughter was in school our lives revovled around it, I had never realized how stressful it was for me until it was a thing of the past. When you teach in homeschooling (or I prefer to consider myself my children's facilitator rather than teacher) you don't have to sit at the table all day hovering over them-- your schedule is flexible, your time is your own, you can arrange your days and weeks and vacations and work time as you see fit. You can have kids read to each other and set them up with independent projects or have  them work with dad a couple of hours a week or doing things when the baby naps or Sunday evenings or through the summer-- it's up to you.

Answer 13

I'm a huge proponent of homeschool, but I'm also a special education teacher.  I think preschool special education programs are the best thing that schools typically have to offer.  People that are there usually have waited a long time to be there and are not burned out as many older kids' teachers are.  Why?  They get hugs and deal with sweet children who may be a handful, but are only four.  Who can't love a four year old?  (Ten years from now when they spit or kick you....it's a little different day in and day out.)  

Your baby would still be with you the majority of the day and on weekends, breaks and summers.  Let him enjoy his play days now and if you feel it's best to homeschool him by first grade then go for it.

Realize that you really do have your hands full and this is your opportunity to rest and rejuvenate.  Your other children probably miss out on a lot of attention because of your son with autism.  It's normal BUT here's your opportunity to be with them exclusively.  It won't be long before they are in school, too.

Answer 14

Look for a school in your district and neighboring districts that has an autism program.  Each district should have a program, and you can enrol your child in that class.  The environment is stable, there are less students, and the instruction is indizidualized.

Answer 15

I have Asperger's and I'm in high school watch my video it might help you http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbgUjmeC-...