Should adoptive adult children still consider their adoptive grandparents, aunts, uncles, & cousins as family?

Question

Or should they move on after they're adults and consider those people strangers? Because I rejected mine for being so different than me, and they did the same in turn, or perhaps they did so first, and I don't know if I should care or take it personally or not?

Answer 1

well they adopted YOU so obviously they were hoping you could come to accepting them as your family but maybe you never did. what age did they adopt you? did you give them the time of day to get to know you, and for you to accept them? i believe that you most likely have a family there still waiting for you with them, and that they are jus waiting for the day you finally say you accept them as your family. every family has their ups and downs.

Answer 2

My mother is an adult adoptee who still considers her adoptive family her family and stays in contact with them.

She also considers her first mother and her extended family, family and stays in contact with them

They are all her family.

I don't think it's necessary to choose, but if that's what you need to do for your own well being then do it.

Not sure this helps but I hope you find the answer your looking for.

Answer 3

Yes. you can not change that. but also it's depend  how strong relationship is between them.

I would like to adapte child without family.

Answer 4

Adoptive children grow up bonding with extended family....the extent to which varies from family to family.  Adoptive families aren't free from any problems.  They have dysfunctional families too.  So, if a child chooses to cut off ties with any family member, I don't think it should be because he or she is adopted but rather because they simply don't like that person or because of how that person treats them.

Answer 5

I was adopted at 13 and I wouldnt turn my back on my adopted family. For seventeen yrs that has been my family. Have you thought that maybe you could have done things different so it would be different? Sorry that you had it hard but not every person that is adopted as an older child is that way.

Answer 6

There's no "should" here.  All families, adoptive and natural, are different.  People "should" do what's best for them.  

I consider my extended a'family my family even though we have little in common and don't interact much.  When my 'adad died last year, adoptive relatives from both sides of the family were very supportive.  There has been no rejection and I don't anticipate one.  We're just not very close, geographically or emotionally.

If they did suddenly reject me outright, it would feel very personal to me.  I'd be angry and sad.  But if it doesn't feel that way to you, it doesn't, and that's fine.

Answer 7

I know several people who have little or no contact with their extended family.  They were NOT adopted, they just don't feel any connection or have been made to feel like the 'black sheep'.  So, someone rejecting their extended family is hardly something unique to adoption.  

So, to me, this isn't an adoption issue.  If you feel no connection to them because they never accepted you... then you are under no obligation to maintain that connection.  However, if they did accept you and love you and you decide to disconnect because you are adopted, and for no other reason, then I think that is wrong to 'treat them like stangers'.

Finally, remember, it sucks to be alone.  Why push away people?

Answer 8

Should my father consider my mother's parents to be his in-laws, even though he and my mother got divorced years ago?

His answer was yes, because they had a good relationship before the divorce, he knows how important they are to me and my brother and they are still kind and welcoming towards him.

Should my mom consider my dad's parents to be her in-laws, even though she and my dad got divorced years ago?

Her answer was no because they didn't have a good relationship even before the divorce, my brother and I see them only rarely and, somehow, they blame her for the divorce.

So you see, family is about more than blood or even legal ties. What matters is the emotional ones. If your adoptive family does not welcome you or you do not feel comfortable with them, then maybe you should 'move on'. But seriously consider not treating them as a monolithic unit. If some are (or could be) close to you, you can keep them in your life while choosing to stay away from those who make your life more difficult.

Answer 9

I would hope that the daughter I relinquished will always feel that her adoptive family is her family.  After all, they are the ones that are raising her.  If I come to play a part in her adult life sometime in the future, I don't want to take the place of the woman she knows as her mom.  I can be a friend, someone to talk to from time to time, but I cannot be her mom.

Answer 10

MY adoptive family is my family, as is my family that I came from.

Whats an adopted adult child?

Answer 11

I was adopted when I was 5 days old.  I am now 49.  I have met my birth mother and I have a very large adopted family.  My adopted family is bqasically all I know.  We still get together on holidays.  Talk on the phone, and if I have a problem, they try to help me.  I actually love my adopted family more now that I'm an adult because I appreciate them more.  I could have been like strangers to my adopted family because I found my birth mother but my adopted family is my family.  They are still the ones I go to.

Answer 12

I consider  them my family, the are my people.  I can only speak for myself but I would welcome contact with any member of my family whether closely or distantly related.

Whether you have a relationship or not, they are your people, genetics and dna connect you

eta  ooops, I was referring to 'birth' family.  having re-read  your question you meant adoptive family, sorry about that.

Yes my adoptive family are my family too.   I have had no reason to reject them, they are my family too.   Although I can understand that some Adoptees may feel as you do, My husband has an adopted brother and the grandparents would buy christmas and birthday presents for my hubby and his sister (the natural kids) but not for their (adopted) brother.   This was extremely hurtful for him as a child and it doesn't surprise me that he no longer has anything to do with those adoptive grandparents

I think the circumstances of every relationship has to be taken on it's own merits.  And yes, I would take it very personally if any member of my family (adoptive or bio) rejected me

Answer 13

No thats shocking!!!!!!

Answer 14

Family is less about genetics and more about who you care about and who cares about you.  Being biologically related may help, but it isn't absolutely necessary to be family to someone.  Many even consider their pets as family; and I am among those, I consider my dog and my cat to be family.

So if you see your adoptive family you see as family, genetics are irrelavent.  If you see your birth family more as family, then go with them.  Whoever cares about you and whoever you care about is your family.

Answer 15

thoese ppl have brgt u up how can u push them away

Answer 16

my opinion,

they are my family, period. they have been for 35 years and even though there are plenty of them i dont necessarily like or agree with i love them and consider them family. the thought of 'moving on' never crossed my mind, even after i found my bioparents.

i like that i am different. i appreciate that we can still tolerate and accept each other. i am the black sheep, the odd ball, and i relish every moment of it. i wont lie, i wasnt always that comfortable with that position in the family, but as i grew up it became easier.

i think it is sad that your family ended the way it did. differences is what make things interesting. but it doesnt work for everyone i guess. if you are comfortable with the way things are then i guess you should do what works for you. i just hope that in the future when they are gone you dont have regret. because once that happens there is no fixing it.

do yourself a favor and really think about it. make sure this is how you want things. if you are unsure you may want to consider an alternate route. now is the time, before you lose one of them. regret like that will never go away.

either way, good luck. your life is yours to live. if that means doing it without them then more power to you. my opinion isnt importent, its what you feel in your heart.

Answer 17

I was adopted when I was 5 and a half. They are the only family I have ever known an loved. I would never reject them. I have rejected all but 3 people in my biological family. 2 are dead and one sister is decent to me. My aunts and cousins treat me no different and I love them as well.

Answer 18

We are adopting three children in April, ages 4,5,6.  Our family is beside themselves and will treat them as grandchildren, aunts uncles etc. in no different manner those who would have been birth parents.  

If you have rejected your family that is a personal decision, and maybe they didn't treat you very good, but most adopted friends of mine have excellent relationships with their adoptive extended families, in fact they don't even call them their adopted extended families, just their families.

Answer 19

Adopted people and non-adopted people alike make choices about with whom they interact as family members.  Non-adopted people have been known to stop considering some members of their family to be "family" to them, because of circumstances in the family.  

I feel under no obligation to do any differently from non-adopted people.  Sometimes, the adopted person has no choice in the matter.  Just because the adoptive parents treat their child fully as their own doesn't mean their may not be some extended family members who don't see it entirely differently.  I know a few adoptees who've been "kicked to the curb" when their parents die, because the extended family never saw the person as a "real" family member.  You can't always blame the adopted person for the separation.

I am fortunate in that I never had an extended adoptive family member who didn't view me as real family.  As far as my natural family, they are my family, too.  Just like non-adopted people, it's MY business who I have as family (or not) in my life.  It's of no concern to outsiders how I and my various family members (both adoptive and natural) conduct our own relationships.  No one has any business telling anyone else who their "real" family members are or aren't.  Cut me a break, already.

Answer 20

I think this is obviously a personal decision based on circumstances that will vary widely.  My extended adoptive family didn't treat me any differently.  But I have never been very close to them.  I still think of them as family, but I have never turned to them for help or anything of that sort.  Since I have moved away from home, I see most of them only once a year (if that).  In my case, too, we have little in common.  For me, though, it's not been a question of either party rejecting the other.  They are still family.  But I'm not very close to them.  That can happen to non-adoptees as well.

Answer 21

of course not. love makes a relative. not biology.

Answer 22

That's really a personal decision for every adopted person to make.  If you love them and they love you, then fine, consider them family.  If you don't love them and they treated you like dirt, then you don't have any obligation to them.

(For the record, even non-adopted people have the right to cut family members out of their lives; just because you are adopted does NOT MEAN you owe anybody ANYTHING.)  

You had no say in your adoption, so if they are not "family" to you, then so be it.  Cut ties and move on.

Answer 23

How Absurd!  now i'm adult, thanks for everything but gotta go now.  how are they strangers?  you've spent how many years celebrating Christmas, birthdays, family vacations, funerals, etc?

why reject people for being different -- why not embrace the differences?  sure, there's always that one wierd Uncle Larry or Crazy Cat Lady in the family but everyone's got 'em.  To use your adoption as an excuse is apalling.

Answer 24

if you always got along and loved each other,you wouldn,t want to go your own way,but if you never felt close or loved than go your own way