Should an ex-husband who was found guilty of mental and physical abuse pay Spousal Support?

Question

My cousin is 49 years old. She is getting a divorce. She has been a stay at home mom for 19 years. Her son just turned 18 and her daughter is 13. She only has a high school diploma and has never worked. Her ex has a masters degree and makes 150,000 a year. I think she should get Spousal Support for at least ten years, because she can only make minimum wage. Going to college at her age is very difficult too. Besides, he was very abusive to my cousin and her kids and he has zero custody and has very little supervised visitations. What do you think? Should she get Spousal Support for ten years or not?

Answer 1

Qex is right.  You need a good lawyer.  And for heavens sake, make sure this is settled in court in front of a judge.  Do not under any circumstance settle out of court, and make sure that he has to make his payments to the court, then they can disburse them to you.  

Answer 2

Yes she should, but that is for the judge to decide.  

She should just be grateful to get him out of her life.  It won't be easy to live without the alimony, but there are other places to get aid.  Have her talk to the people at the YWCA, the police department's domestic violence unit, and her church's minister.  They should all have suggestions as to how to cope and where she can get help.

Answer 3

In this case I think she more than deserves it. They were together for 19 years so she is a accustom to a certain standard of living. And it will be initially hard for her to find a job because of the lack of recent work experience.  

Answer 4

You say in the main question that he "was very abusive" but in the heading you say he was "found guilty of"...this does make a difference....the difference between claiming that this happened, or having  had it proven in court. In the latter case, the court may make orders about compensation etc.

But getting support is more a matter of need, than of "punishing" the other party. For this, it makes no difference if he was good or bad.It is a matter of, he makes good money, she has little opportunity to do so. He also has too pay child support at least for the child under 18.  

The precise details of this depends on where they live, as laws vary a lot. Courts are used to hearing the "he was abusive" line if it is used as an attempt to get more money. The reality is, there is very little way to force the ex to actually pay up, whatever he is ordered to pay.

Did they own a house? who is getting that? are their payments left on it? who has to pay those? these are all relevant. So is the fact that in 10 years she'll be 60, retiring age in some places.....what kind of pension will be she be on?  some jurisdictions will award an ex-wife part of the husband's pension plan, too.

So what will happen legally depends on the location. But morally, she should get support, but because of the disparity in their earnings, NOT because of his past behaviour.

Answer 5

Is she getting child support for the 13 year old?

And the 18 year old if he is still in school?

Remember however the child support system is a shambles for both the children and the non-custodial parent.

It is best to consult an attorney on the matters.

Answer 6

NO> she should be thankful for all those free boxing lessons.

you didn't say anything about the division of assets and several other details that enter into the equation. ten years is not likely,at any rate. at this point i can only say she is entitled to 5 yrs of child support for 1 child.  sorry about the boxing lessons.

Answer 7

It doesn't matter what she *should* get; it matters what a court will award.  You need a proper divorce lawyer to deal with this issue.

Answer 8

Yes, I do believe she deserves to get spousal support.  I hope that he is supporitn the 13 years old and he should be made to give her back pay for the 18 year old if he ddn't provide for the chlld.

However, at 49years of age if is not to late to attend college or an insitution of higher education in order to get a better job if she is able.Life can begin at 50 for her.

MES