Should/can we adopt?

Question

My husband and I are thinking about adoption. We have unexplained infertility and have been ttc for over 2 years. We have gone to fertility specialists, and I can't deal with all the hormone treatments anymore. We would like to adopt but are afraid that we can't afford it and that we will never be chosen as adoptive parents. Has anyone had experience with these issues? Any feedback would be much appreciated. Thanks!

Answer 1

Adoption is a great experience.  Look into it.  many agencies and attorneys do not charge for the initial consultation.

Answer 2

Have you considered foster parenting?  My wife and I are going through a course right now.  It is a VERY huge commitment, and you run the risk of falling in love with kids who eventually go back to their parents (this is the best scenario, but it would be heart wrenching).

A benefit of foster parenting is that you get to know and love the kids that come into your home and should they free up for adoption, you are first in line.  Also, the cost of adoption will be much less than it would be if you were to adopt a foreign child.

Answer 3

Well i am adopted my self, its deffently a good thing. Umm... you probbly want a baby but mabyee if u look into foster homes some kids mabyee 3 and up wont cost so much i dont know to much about it cuz mine was free, but  i think it should not cost to much. besids these guys need homes the most.

Answer 4

I feel for you... my hubby and I went through that whole fertility road for quite a few years and all that time and money and still no babies... and one day when we were fed up we did what you are doing (I too was DONE with treatments)... we put out feelers to learn more about what our other options were.

Absolutely you can adopt... like LC said call up some people and make appointments and find out if you are interested in going that route.

We went a different path to get children in our lives. A few years ago at a baby shower I fell in love with my friends foster kid and had to find out how she came to meet her and all that.  It is a long story but she adopted this little girl when she was 2 years old *but she had her in her house when she was like 6 months old)... the little one was taken from her mother who was addicted to methanphetamines.  The first mom (or birth mom) loved her daughter but couldn't take care of her addictions and neglected her daughter so she went into foster care.  Anyways... my heart went out to that little girl and I had to find out how I could help a child similar to this little girl.  

Anyways... I have been a foster to adopt parent for quite some time now.  It didn't happen overnight it is a huge time commitment and we got called about some kids that were a lot older that we just couldn't handle as first time parents... but a couple years later...  We have 2 wonderful toddlers in our home and the hubby and I are happier than ever.  Not only are we the family that we always dreamed about but we also helped give two little girls a loving home that is secure.  We are teaching them that it is okay for them to be kids and that we will take care of their needs.  And in return we get to be Mommy and Daddy, and we get to sing them to sleep, and kiss their boo-boos, and teach them to go potty in the big potty, etc.  Best payment you ever recieve is the kisses and hugs.  

Anyways, bless you whatever you decide!!

Answer 5

do you want to parent? then you will find a way.........my suggestion, is that you explore as many agencies in your area as possible.  Most, you will find, base their fees on a scale that reflects "a couples' income........meaning, a couple that makes $50,000 a year can still adopt as much as a couple that makes $300,000 a year. The fees differ so that it is fair for everyone.  My husband and I were on the higher side of the scale, so our fee was  more (anywhere from $5000.00 to $30,000.00 for our agency), however, knowing that by paying a little more, we were helping "another family, become a family" .......no second thoughts.......

My fertility cost us more than our adoption fees..........nothing, not even the medications were covered by our insurance.  

Again, if you truly want to parent, you will find a way...........are there things in your life that are not truly essential? Meaning, expensive cars, material things......that you can sell?  

Do whatever you have to do, IF what you want, is to parent...........you will find a way............Good Luck

Answer 6

I admire your efforts so far and admire you the more for considering other options. With time, you'll find that there really sin;t much difference between a biological child and an adoptive one interm of the love you can show 'em

Most people go international to adopt. It is not cheap, heard it could cost anywhere from 10 to 20 grand. There is also the danger that the biological mom/dad my show up at your door step anytime if you adopt locally. The court system has a scary record of being in favor of the bioparents if litigation arises out of adoption. The recent adoption case in Miami is a case in point. The father showed up from Cuba, 3 years after the adoption

It also takes time, home study, background checks and all that stuff. Thhose are fine but you'll be looking at a year or more from when you start before it sails through.

You need to have the right attitude about it. You shouldn't start by thinking you'll not be selected...you haven't even started! You want it, go for it!

Know what I think, you may end up no needing it. Since your infertility issue is medically unexplainable, I have a feeling your pregnancy would also defy whatever odds.

Place your bet!

Answer 7

My husband and I were considering adoption at one point and we had the same fears.

But, don't worry. They don't look at your credit score and say from there you are a good candidate. They don't look for the perfect match made in heaven.

What the agencies are looking for are honest and genuine people that wish to give a child a better future. A lot of them even seem to not be interested in prospective parents who are not the least bit nervous, because it is a long and emotional process, just like the treatments you've been through. So, don't be afraid to be yourself!

Adoptions are expensive and there are a few grants and loans out there for us non-millionaires, lol.

The agency you choose can help you get into those programs.

when you choose the agency make sure it is legit. Make sure you have an office nearby that you may walk into and sit eye to eye with the person handling this delicate journey!

My husband and I ended not adopting since we were able to conceive after a long time and a lot of doctor visits later. But I never wanted to take the hormones, so adoption was our number one choice. Also, he is in the military which makes the adoption process hard since he not here half the time.

We are thinking about adopting our second child since the doctors are not sure how likely it is for us to be so lucky again.

I wish you all the best and good luck on your journey!!!