Should child protective services be involved with this, or is there another organization...?

Question

A ex-friend of mine has 4 kids, 3 disabled, one too new to tell (8, autism spectrum; 6, downs; 3, autism). She's distrustful of schools, doctors, any institution...makes enemies out of everyone...alienating playgroups, and so on. Her children rarely interact with others ("homeschooling")...the 6 and 3 y/o are behind a baby gate watching tv every time I saw them. It's her attitude towards people...she's stuck in high school (got pregnant with first at 16). Her house is filthy, she's always overwhelmed, but still wants her own 24/7 business because it's "her dream" and "why should she abandon it and look back 15 yrs. later and regret." Those are her words. Except...she created 4 responsibilities that SHOULD prevent her from a job that can take her away anytime, day/night. With a man that shows every indication that he didn't want kids (shotgun wed.). There's more detail, but I'm out of char.

I fear that her children, while happy, will not get the education and high involvement they need

Answer 1

If the children have special needs they would be behind in school or home schooled. With children neglected in foster care and these children are happy, then why. Fostercare further abuses children.

Answer 2

I do not think that the kids are in any danger and it isn't your place to report it.  CPS is supposed to be set up to protect children that are being abused, the reason the system fails much of the time is because they are inundated with bogus reports that they have to follow up on.  Instead they could be out saving kids who are in danger.

Dealing with autism is a much different experience than anything else.  Parents of non-autistics frequently misunderstand situations.  I have 2 autistic children also.  It really depends on the children's functioning levels.  Many autistics never learn there abc's at all.  My sister in law is one of them.  She is 36.  

The woman may very well have some issues, but having been through it, I too have been accused of being paranoid when dealing with docs and schools.  Her children's educational choices are hers to make.  Homeschooling is a frequent modus operandi for parents of autistic children.  These kids are not always treated appropriately by the schools despite the entitlement to FAPE, it just doesnt' happen (My kids still go to public school).

Many father's of sp. needs kids are absentee at best.  That is a contribution to the parents of autistic children having a divorce rate of 90%.  My husband is a workaholic, so is my son's best friend (he is autistic), and I know others.  It is just the way it is.

Answer 3

I understand what you are saying but if her children are happy, then I would let the State take care of her. If the kids don't get schooling she will go to jail. As far as her business goes, Children make messes and she may just clean at the end of the day. I have one and if you popped over my home unannounced then you may look at my home and say I have 3 kids but my home is cleaned at the end of the day, everyday. It is alot of work to constantly pick up after each child all day. If it makes you feel better then call CPS but you will lose a friend when you may not have had all of the answers. This is just an opinion that you should sit with her and see what happens during the day and let her know she may need to hire more help to stay organized with her home business. Good luck.

Answer 4

I would call CPS, as I think that tying to talk to her may alienate you as well. The children will suffer if she pays more attention to the business. If it is her dream she can put it off for a few more years till her kids can cope on their own.

Answer 5

I think you should mind your own business. She has the right to homeschool and if Texas laws are lax then she's following them so there's not much that can be done about that. If you have a problem with the homeschooling laws then take that up with the State of Texas. As far as her business- well, she has the right to pursue that, too. The only offense I see here is a dirty house and with 3 special needs kids most people would have a hard time keeping it clean. (Maybe not to the extreme point you've metioned but nonetheless it wouldn't be easy.) I have one son who's on the autism spectrum and I have a hard time keeping up sometimes so I can only imagine what it would be like with 2 ASD kids and a downs 6 year old. Grab a mop and go help her out- that's what friends are supposed to be for. Don't send CPS to her house because you have different parenting standards than her when there are kids out there who are living in closets, not being fed and being beaten. They are the ones that needs CPS's time and resources. It sounds like maybe she's in over her head but I don't think she's breaking any laws. All CPS will do is an investigation and if she's as good at putting up that facade as you say- they'll determine it unsubstantiated and close the case.  If you really want to help her then go over and get your hands dirty.

Answer 6

Call cps