Should deadbeat dad's still have access to the children they dont support?

Question

Just curious, Im going to court for full custody of my 4yr old son whos father has not seen or paid support since he walked out a year ago and he is going to fight for visitations, because he says he cares soo much for the son he cant be bothered to support. Is it right for the childs life to be disrupted so that these deadbeats can call themselves daddies?

Answer 1

its not a good anser but yes he has more right than you know and yes the dead beat court will see it his way  it is his child and yes it will work that he will see it so sorry

Answer 2

No.  Raising a child includes both positive and negative aspects.  Unfortunately, bills are one of the negatives of raising children.  It's not fair for the working mom to absorb all the bills, while the deadbeat dad still reaps the benefit of a relationship with the child.

If a guy wants to be a dad, that includes warts and all.  It means paying for the child, taking care of the child, etc.  It includes all aspects.

Answer 3

The children don't see that they aren't getting money from them they only see if they aren't around physically.  So unless a father is abusive or dangerous to be around their son/daughter I really don't think money should play a factor.  If you block visits because you aren't getting money from him then to your kids you are the bad person preventing them from having time with their father.

Answer 4

i think it depends if he is just kind of down on his luck... i say yes. but i think if he loves his kid he should try and stop being dead beat. but life's hard...so i guess given that the kid is of age.. its in his\her hands.

Answer 5

yes because your only hurting the child..you cant punish the child for the dads crime...but the court can and will garnish his wages..and his taxes..do your homework girl

Answer 6

When he comes to pick up the kid, pick his pocket.

Answer 7

it is soooooooooo not right.i wish u the best of luck

Answer 8

I think that regardless if the dad is paying child support or not.... if they want to see there children they should be able to. It's not the childs fault. With so many men bailing out on there children.........it's nice when they actually want to be part of their lives.  I'm not in this situation, but just think of the children. I also think it's very important not to bad mouth the deadbeat dad in front of the children. The children will grow up and see for themselves what kind of person their daddy is.  Don't forget you loved the person at one time, and thought it was a good idea to have make a baby with him.  Good luck!

Answer 9

Well, I am going to ask the same for my kids deadbeat mother. Should she?

Answer 10

You have every right to be angry but try not to be bitter for the child's sake. Dads shouldn't have to pay just to see their kids. I realize it's the only leverage you feel you have but it's not really yours for the bargaining.

You two didn't work out and there must be some bad feelings there. Work on letting them go. You need to be able to co-parent this child for his sake. It is even harder when you're no longer married; obviously your trust and confidence in each other is gone. You have to try to rebuild it for the sake of your son. He shouldn't be denied access to someone who loves him even if he's not perfect.

The bitterness you carry may be understandable but it is not a constructive force, not to you or anyone else. You are going to have to work with him even though things didn't work out. Don't call your son's father names in front of him, don't try to diminish him. If you take the high road, your son will figure out the score in due time. A child's same s*x parent is the single biggest influence on who that child grows up to be; let him be less of a mystery to your son. Your ex is more likely to turn his life around and be a good example for your son if he has your son in his life. Even if he falls seriously short of being a good parent you need to respect and uphold the importance of his role

Answer 11

NO BUT IF UR WILLING TO CHANGE DEN DATZ IT U ALREADY MADE THE BEST CHOICE SO UR NOT DEAD BEAT

SO IN THIS CASE YES DO WAT U GOTA DO..

Answer 12

its up to the mother to decide. Sometimes the father might under some bad financial situation, but can still teach the child how to ride a bike or learn to read a book etc...

Answer 13

yeah, they are still family either way that you look at it.  even though he is not pulling his weight, he should still see his kid.  two wrongs have never made a right.

Answer 14

Let him visit the kid. It is his kid weather he can afford to pay support or not. It is better for the kid if he spends time with the dad.

Answer 15

if he cared sssooo much why did he walk out in the first place??????????  i dont think he should get visitation but the court might give it to him- i agree 100% with jimmy j when he pick up the kids pick his pockets you didnt make those kids by yourself

Answer 16

I don't understand why he isn't providing support.  When we were divorced, I supported my family from day one.  

I do think, however,  that you are missing something here in that you are only seeing his access to the children as something of benefit to him.  You are totally missing the fact that your children need the love of both parents.  Let the court do its job in enforcing child support law and stop trying to deprive your children of their father's love because of your own animosity.

Answer 17

I have to tell you that up until this week I would have said the father should support the child and if not he should not see that child. My ex husband was the same way.  The courts gave him visitation and he was always spending money on everything else except child support.  Well, he had a stroke this past weekend and he is 70 percent brain damaged from it.  My son is 9 years old.  We do not know if he will make it at all.  He is only 42 years old.  I now wonder if I should have given him more time with his child. Money is something we need but the most important thing your child has is a relationship with his dad and a really good one.  If something were to happen to him your child will hate you for keeping him from his dad.  Even if nothing happens to him he will end up resenting you.  I know.  

There was a time that I wished his father would just go away and now I want nothing more than for my son to have his dad back the way he was.  I hope this helps you.  Good Luck By the way if the father is a real jerk your child will figure it out on his own.  Trust me

Answer 18

my mom is pretty much a deadbeat, no child support ever! but she claimed to care about me. so i saw her every 2 weekends. (when i was a kid) so its really just up to you and what you think is best for your son. (note; I'm now 22 and haven't spoken to my deadbeat mother in two years) so just think about whats best for your son. you know.. i thought court made the other parent pay child support though... it's something you will have to fight for.

Answer 19

Ok.  well as long as they will treat ur kids nice, or whatever, and stuff, and do it often, or come around like at lease twice a week, or something then yes.

but if its a few times a year, no cause, the child will wonder y does my dad keep leaving, it depends on how the father is.

Answer 20

They won't give him visitation, probably. I think he has the right to stay in contact with the children just because he is the dad. You don't want your child to resent you for not letting dad talk to him. I wouldn't count on the deadbeat dad to actually stay in touch too often or even keep his visits. Maybe you can schedule him to come over once and a while for an hour or so. That way you can watch him. Also, if you do this, never tell your son ahead of time that he is coming over. That way he wont ever be disappointed if he doesn't show up. My half-sister lost custody of her kids and they stay with my mom. She is a deadbeat, too, and doesn't show up to half of her scheduled visitations either. They get so disappointed.

Answer 21

Well, I know how you feel.

I'm thirteen, and my real dad is a deadbeat.

I'm sorry that your child has to go through that.

When I was 3 or 4 years old my dad walked out on my mom.

My mom right away got married to an amazing guy and yesterday they just had their seventh aniversary. My stepdad is my dad. My deadbeat dad is just my biological one.

If you let your ex to fight for visitation rights it will just cause problems in your sons life later on.

Trust me. I just wish my mom got full custody. I haven't lived with my dad for nine whole years. And I only see him like 2 times a year. That's it. Maybe even less. No intentions to call or anything. Your child will just get depression problems.

I still go through it. I've tried to change him around. I've told him off. Everything.

Then, my mom offered for me to get legally adopted by my stepdad and he said "Over my dead body."

He just wants to feel like a man and call himself a dad.

Your life will constantly consist of calling your babys' dad in need of money, and your son being depressed and crying.

I cried this year because my teacher told me to write about my dad, because I had to write about a parent. I told my teacher we had no expierces together, we have no relationship. He doesn't know me.

Please fight for your kid.

Answer 22

Custody issues are never easy.  I do understand.  I wish you the best.  However, you shouldn't restrict your son from seeing his dad.  The two of you are disagreeing about money.  The fight isn't about your child but unfortunately your child is caught in the middle.  Your child is not a piece of property.  He is not a bargaining chip.  He is not a car or a house that you get to take possession of if payments aren't being made.

I am the stepmom of a 15 year old who is in counseling to try and sort out why her dad couldn't see her for years and why money was so important to her mom that she was not allowed to see one of the people who had a hand in bringing her into the world.  She thinks her dad didn't love her or care about her because not only did he not contribute money to help raise her but he wouldn't see her.  (She didn't know it was her mom that was the problem and that he would have seen his daughter if he could have).

Think carefully...Are you prepared to have the conversation when he grows up and asks (and he WILL ask) why he can't see his dad or doesn't know who his dad is?  Are you prepared to tell your son that he can't see his dad because his dad hasn't paid for him?

Edit in response to what you added:  Again, your decisions are not your son's responsibility.  You entered into marriage with a man that you knew had at least two other children.  You created a child with that man.  Now that you are getting divorced, you can't pull that card saying that he had 5 other kids...  You knew it at the time and you still made your choice.  I still say that dad though his actions prove him to be a poor decision maker who has yet to learn his lesson, he still has a right to see the child he helped bring into the world.

You are going to be a single mom.  It's in your best interest  and your son's, to focus your energy on preparing for that instead of whether or not the baby's father is paying for the child.  Look at it this way, what if dad was an upstanding guy who died in a car accident?  Would you still focus your energy on the anger toward his dad for putting you both in the situation?  You need to move on...

Answer 23

I haven't received anything from my child's dad since we split up about 4 yrs ago.  Before then he was a brilliant dad, but now he only sees him ocassionally (I think he's having some issues as he hardly sees his family either).  I have never stopped him seeing his son, and never will.  I would love the two of them to get together a lot more.  

If I was selfish, I would love to see the back of him for good but it's not about me it's about my kid.  It's his dad and no way would I not encourage him to spend time with him, unless obviously it was a damaging relationship.

Answer 24

No, it's not right. If he cared so much he would be doing all he could (no matter how small that may be) to provide for him. A real man provides for the children he helped to make.

Fatherhood is more than just being the biological parents, it means being there, being supportive. He is not a father to the child and should have no right to try to push his way back in.

Unfortunately the court will probably let him.

Answer 25

The fact that he has not seen the child may well carry a lot more weight than that he has not paid.   Pattern of failure to show interest and concern is the normal wording for that.  That is unless he can show that he would have taken more interest if not for the conflict between you.    However there should be a mandatory support order issued w/ pay deductions.   Since the sperm donor - oops father - has not shown an interest and is for all practical purposes a stranger to the child after a yr of no contact you may be able to request and be granted that visits be supervised for the first 6-12 mo until they become reacquainted thereby easing the child's possible concerns and having a very credible witness is "daddie" no shows as he is very likely to do.  

From the point of view of what is best for the child if they had a relationship to start with - or maybe even if they didn't  every child needs to know both parents care about him and both want to spend time with him.   A child should NEVER be made a party in the war between parents and never have to hear if your father really cared he's pay....not bec that is not true but bec it is devastating to the child's sense of self worth.   The exception is if the parent is a danger to the child by actions or by lifestyle such as drug use, hanging out w/ violent ppl, etc.  

Neither should the absent parent be able to use ;ack of contact as an excuse for failure to support.

Something you do need to do is to teach your son how to dial 911 and how to talk to 911 operator also his full name, address, and mama's name.   These are important things for any child to know and doubly important for a child who may be spending time with someone who may not always have the child's best interest as their primary concern.

Answer 26

It's not right at all but the court will only see that he says that he loves his son and they will take into consideration what you say to them but unfortunately the courts are probably going to let him see his son anyways. You are right it's not right for dead beats to call themselves daddies but it happens all the time.

Answer 27

It's not right, but unfortunately the court will probably allow him visitation. Must be nice to be able to be a parent .....sometimes.

Answer 28

NO, NOT RIGHT AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 29

Deadbeat dad may have something else wrong with him, what good could he bring if he hasn't even really shown that he cares by providing for him? There's no going around it, HE'S SELFISH. It is painfully obvious that he's used to thinking of only himself, what good could he bring your son? HE NEEDS TO GROW UP FIRST AND UNDERSTAND THE DEFINITION OF BEING A MAN.

Answer 30

Ultimately you can hurt the child by denying access to the biological dad.  Be the bigger person and allow access no matter if he pays or doesn't.  Besides- the judge WILL order him to pay and if he doesn't he can go to jail.

Answer 31

No way! i was abandoned by my father and i hated him for it. Fathers that abandon their children because of financial reasons and girlfriends and such they should have no right at all to see their children. If it wasn't good enough seeing them and paying for them then they don't deserve the right to see them.