Question:

Should delivery be a Family affair???

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My husband and i are expecting our first child in Sept. (A BOY!) We are very excited and want this to be a completely natural experience so we aren't going to have any pain killers nor am i going to have an IV. Now the problem comes with this... I want my mother in the delivery room with us. Now this isn't one of those son in law hates mother in law kind of things in fact they adore each other and talk constantly. How ever my husband doesn't want her in the room when i actually start pushing. He said's that it is fine while im in labor and just waiting for the contractions to get bigger and such but once the doctor is like ok start pushing that she leave the room. I can understand that he wants to have this moment just between us but i think its werid or odd and maybe even alil rude to have her come all the way to korea( we are stationed here and it where ill be giving birth) to see the birth and all she gets to act in is the waiting around for me to push and then is hustled out of the room when i start pushing and then helps us after wards with the baby at home... Does this seem alil werid to you guys??? Is it bad that i want my mom and husband in the room when i give birth? Am i being selfish? on a side note im 19 and this is my first child and although this is not her first grandchild(my 28yr old sister has a 2yr old) i still think she would like to see her grandchild born. What do you guys think?

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  1. I can see why your husband would want it between you two, but for crying out loud she is flying thousands of miles to see her grandchild. I definitely think that trumps any reason your husband may have. This is a once in a lifetime experience and she doesn't have to be right up in your face. She can stand back in the room and let your husband hold your legs and comfort you. But her being in the room and seeing the baby would mean a lot to her. I had my mom in the room when my son was born and thank god I did. My son's father had no clue what to do and was totally taken aback by the whole situation so he actually stood back while my mom helped me and comforted me.

    You won't regret having your mom in the room, trust me. And tell your husband, in the grand scheme of things - her being in the room is not a huge deal, especially since she is flying all the way to Korea. And if you guys are stationed there she probably won't get to see the baby that much after he is born. So tell him to suck it and that she is going to be in the room.

    Good luck!!


  2. I never wanted anyone but my hubby in the room. I think it's something that you and your hubby should share. Other family members can come see the baby when he/she is cleaned up and you have had your time to marvel at your miracle.

  3. I agree... it would be cruel to have her with you the entire time and right afterward, but make her step out for the big moment.  One solution would be to put her in charge of the camera during the big moment - a win win solution for everyone because your husband can step into the spotlight and you will have photos afterward, and your mom won't feel shoved out of the room.

  4. I don't think it's strange, how your hubby feels. It may embarrass him, or make him feel awkward, that both he and your mom are staring at your bits... Also, he may feel jealous, thinking that this is your time, and HIS, and that mom-in-law can see baby just a few minutes later. He may want this time to feel more bonded to you and the child... Personally, I agree with your husband on this... Your mom will be there for most of it, and will stick around to help, right after, so you're getting most of what you want... Let your husband share in the actual birth moment with you, since he was the one who helped you make the baby. (Otherwise, he may end up feeling resentful, and if he likes your mom-in-law, now? I'd want to keep it that way.)

  5. I think if you want your mom there then she should be there....You should have a say in things.  I had my mom on one side of me and my husband on the other side when I was pushing.   My mom helped me more than my husband because she was a woman and my mom and had done that sort of thing before.

  6. I had my mom in the delivery room..in fact my doctor was delivering 2 babies the night I delivered so he put my mom in charge of watching for crowning while he ran to another room.. she had a bond with my son like no other.. she has since passed away .. then she told me that after having 3 kids she had never seen a birth and thought it was so cool that she got to see her first grandchild ( 1st boy in the family) come into this world.. I wouldn't of had it any other way.. I needed my mom ( I was 19 also)  

  7. I too am pregnant with our first child, and I want no one except my husband in the room during labor and delivery. We have chosen a natural birth as well with no medication, and I want the least amount of stress possible. It's written in my birth plan and everything. VERY limited visitors during labor and Absolutely no admission with the exception of my husband during delivery.

  8. I dunno.. This is only my opinion, but I'd respect my partners wishes on that. It's his child too and personally, as much as I love my mum I wouldn't want her to see me in pain and distressed like that.

    I was 18 when I had my first and only had my partner there. And you gotta remember that the guys don't get much say in a pregnancy, most of it is out of their hands.

    Good luck doing it with out any pain relief.  

  9. I think the birth of your child is something you should share with whoever you want I know when I go into labor I like you want my mother and my partner to be in the room. but in opposite I know my mother will be there but I dont know if he will be he doesnt know if he can handle seeing me that way which is understandable but Id appreciate having him with me. If you feel comfortable with your mother and husband explain that to your husband tell him this is what you want and tell him you wish he would see it from your view. Your your mothers little girl she had you and maybe you just want to share the expierence of bringing your first child into the world with her.  

  10. With my daughter I wanted my mom in the room. When my water broke, I called her so she could get the first plane and be there in time. I was already in the hospital on magnesium sulfate because I was 32 weeks and dilating and so we knew at that point birth was inevitable. She was so happy to be a part of it. When I called my husband to tell him my water broke, he got mad that I had interrupted his sleep and told me to call back in a few hours. He's my ex now and I would have regretted it if I hadn't let my mom be there. She was right there with me for all the painful part of the labor and the 3 hours of pushing. It turned into a serious emergency and I had to have a c-section, so she didn't get to be there for that part. I wish she had. Although it's the birth of your husband's baby as well, you are the one in horrid pain and going through all the intensity of birth. To me, that's one comfort I wouldn't want to spare. This time I have to have a c-section and the hospital will only let my husband be there, so I have no choice. Maybe if you impress upon your husband how much comfort your mother will be for you, it may soften him. Show him a natural childbirth video so he will understand more of what you will go through and then realize how great it is to have your mom (and the unique support of another woman who's experienced birth) with you. Good luck to you and I hope it works out the way you want it to.

  11. With my first son, only me & my husband were in the room but with my second baby my mom was in the room with us and with this baby my mom will be in the room again.  It's a big decision...good luck!

  12. I think that it is completey normal for you to want your mom and husband in the room with you...most women do. I think that you need to talk to your husband and ask him why he feels the way he does...maybe you can come to some sort of compromise. I think that you mom should be able to be there...but maybe see if she can stand off to the side instead of next to you or maybe by your head so that she does not see the actual birth...so what you can get him to agree on. Good luck! :)

    You are 19 and still young and you mom lives in a completely different country...you deserve her to be with you. I was 18 when I had my first child but my mom and I are not that close so I only wanted my husband in the room with me...I am now 32 weeks with my second and am going to be 20 years old 2 weeks after the due date, I am now alot closer with my mom and I really want her and my husband in the room with me...The only problem is that my husband and her do not get along at all.

  13. You should consider your husbands thoughts on it, but If you really want her in there then push it. I don't think it would hurt her feelings either way. No your not being selfish, alot of women (especially young ones) want they're moms in there.

  14. Wow this sounds almost familiar. Okay well i had about 7 people at the hospital when i had my baby boy. (im also 19) this was a first grandchild for well everyone there except my boyfriend and i. While i was having contractions and such people ket coming in and out of the room. at this point i didnt care who saw me or what they saw. I ended up having an emergancy c-section and had to be put out so noone saw my son being born.     okay i agree with you that it should be a family thing(your husband you and the child) but you may change your mind when the time comes. he can still be the first to hold your baby boy and share the moment with you but then she could also feel good knowing that she was able to be apart of something so big in your lives. Good luck and i know you will make the right choice.

  15. i think if you want your mom in the room then she should be in the room i know that i would trade anything to be able to share this with my mother as i myself am only 21 however my mother passed away 4 years ago. There is no reason she shouldn't be in there. i understand its supoose to be something special between you and your husband but it still will. Im having my Godmother in the room with me and my husband and thats just so she can hold my leg and not a nurse... Good Luck with your baby

  16. This is YOUR child. YOUR birth. so YOU choose who you want in the room.

    I had my mom and my son's dad both in the room with me when I gave birth. I found that my mom provided more support to me than my son's dad, and honestly, after it was all over with, I actually would have preferred for to have just had my mom in there! My son was my first, and so I was lost. A man is not going to understand what labor and delivery is like, nor are they going to really know what kind of support you need like your mom will. My mom held my hand throughout the whole delivery and provided so much encouragement to me. Once my son came out, she stepped back, his dad cut his umbilical cord, and she was the third to hold my son. (Me first, his dad second, and then she was third) She was respectful in that after the birth, she stepped back to allow us those first few minutes of "family alone time".

    It's your choice and if you really want your mom there, then you need to let your husband know that. No, you are not being selfish.  

  17. I was 19 when my daughter was born and I only had my husband in the room. His mom wanted to be in their and so did some other familys memebers but i said NO. No matter how much the cried and whined about it. Only ME and MY husband created this life so I believe this was an experience only WE should have together alone. But other people look at it differantly But I agree with your hubby, Your mom can come in the room right after. (our family came in right when they were wiping her off maybe your hospital will let you guys do the same)

  18. NO! there is nothing wrong with that.  My boyfriend left me and i'm going through this pregnancy alone. The ONLY person here for me is my mother.  I'm very HAPPY :) for you that you two are together, but she gave you life, she's always been there for you, god forbid you and your husband separate,  but she'll always be there for you after!  He should be understanding, other then your partner it would have been nice to have her there during your pregnancy.

    As for me I'm definitely having my mother in the room with me, still thinking about if i should have the father or not.  

  19. I'm 39 and having my one and only baby in January.  I have to have a C-section due to medcal issues, and if my doctor will allow it, I would like my mother and husband both there.  It's my mom's only grandchild--the only one she'll ever have and she's waited a long time too, so it's important to her too.

  20. Bottom line is it's your choice. No matter how other people did it, or what other people think, it is up to you to decide what you want and how you feel about it. Talk to your husband. If you want your mother there, she should be there. 19 and so far from home? You need all the love and support you can get, this is a big deal, an important event, and can be very scary and stressful. If you think having your mother there will be more comforting for you, have her there. But also, don't feel like you HAVE to let her stay just because she traveled so far. If you want this moment to be just you, hubby, and baby, then by all means leave it that way. You can even ask the doc or nurse to ask your mom to step out- if that is what YOU really want. Do what will make you the happiest, not what other people want. This is your moment. Good luck little mommy!

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