Should ex-communicate my Mother in law?

Question

Mature advice only please. I am serious. I need honest mature opinions to this problem. I am trying to save my marriage. I have a big problem. My husband is a recovering alcoholic. He has been sober from alcohol for almost 6 months. He is also addicted to pills, mainly xanax and lortabs. He does good for a while, then relapses. I understand this is one of the hardest addictions to try and stop on your own and I am trying to give him all the support I can to help him through this. The problem is... his mother keeps giving him pills behind my back. He finally confessed it to me and now I am stuck with a hard decision to make. What to do about his mother. Do I cut her out of our lives? She is on parole for drug charges herself as she is an addict.. Family traditions huh? I am so angry, I am considering calling her Parole Officer explaining my situation and informing him that she is still doing drugs and every time they call her in for her drug test, she has been using a detox to pee clean, and the shampoo for the hair follicle test. I know this because she told me this. She has already peed dirty once and she denied it and I guess the PO let it slide. Should I go to her PO and tell him what I know to get her out of our lives and away from my husband? Shouldn't I do something to keep her away? I need help... Please

I have talked to her repeatedly about giving pills to her son and the last time I talked to her, she said, "Well you know he's never going to quit taking pills", so I told her, "Not if you keep supplying them he won't" and she left mad. She knows how I feel, but she doesn't care. She has been giving him pills since he was a young child, only then she gave him Valium so he would go to bed early so she could stay up and party with her friends. I know this because my husband told me this. He and I are being honest with each other at last. I hate making my husband feel like he is stuck in the middle as he is going through a hard enough time trying to kick his addictions, but his mother has been an enabler to him for so long now. I told him I don't want her coming to my home that she is not welcome because I can't trust her to support him or me in our marriage and his recovery. He and I have been going to a church for a year now to find help through the Lord and trying to get our lives straightened out. The devil keeps sending people in our lives trying to mess things up. And on top of all that, his mother decided to come to our church this morning. But not alone...she had brought along a woman who my husband used to go out with and has recently "befriended", and she knows I can't stand her. She is trying to cause problems in my life. How do I put a stop to it?

Answer 1

i don't know how she can call herself a mother. a mother doesn't give her child prescription drugs unless they are prescribed. is it possible to move away from her, you need to get her out of your lives. if it was my husband in this situation i would report her to her PO, he will never get better with her around. good luck, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband. x

Answer 2

You can do nothing about his mother  Obviously he does not want to be rid of his addictions.  If he did then he wouldn't go to his mother.  Your husband is old enough to make his own choices and obviously he chooses to keep going to his mother.  The problem is not his mother, the problem is the fact that he doesn't want to be clean  You can't force someone who is addicted to be clean...they have to want it.  

Answer 3

My heart goes out to you.

The bottom line is that your husband HAS to make that choice, and yes, he should do it.  There really is no middle that he is in.  It is him and her, and it is a horrible choice for him to have.. but she has to be accountable for her own problems.

I don't mean that you can't explain your position to him, and tell him that you don't want her in your home.  Until HE makes it clear to her on his own... she will continue to "use" you as the bad guy, trying to split them up.  I would not personally go to her PO, since that would close doors forever.. and your main concern is your husband and marriage. One thing you may consider doing, is writing her a letter, stating your position.. which means you don't have to listen to her "rebuttal", which is really only an excuse.

It is funny how 99 percent of things around here, are parents complaining about their kids and drugs, etc.  I know for myself that it may be more common, but there are parents/grandparents out there, who are messed up and harming their families.

I feel your pain.  But.. the bottom line is that for full healing, husband has to take FULL control and accountability for what he allows in his life.  No one wants to go against Biblical teachings and disrespect a parent.  In your case.. this is what he has to do.