Should groom's sister be a part of the wedding?

Question

A huge formal wedding is planned for my son and his fiance. His sister was not included or asked to participate; she is upset. What is protocol in such things?

Answer 1

I asked my husband's sister to be a bridesmaid and my wedding was small!  I only had a MOH (my sister) and his sister as attendants.  I think it's rude that she was not even asked to be a reader for the ceremony.  Some brides have tons of close friends/family that they want to be bridesmaids, but the bride and your son should at least include your daughter in the wedding as a reader or someone who hands out programs, etc.

Answer 2

As the sister of a guy who was married, I know it is very hurtful when the sisters aren't included in any way in the wedding plans. There are 4 of us (3 girls, 1 guy), and we're all quite close. When my brother married 4 years ago, not one of us was asked to participate in any way whatsoever in the wedding. I can tell you, it really caused us to pretty much not want to bother with her. To me, that was her way of saying F OFF! I found it very hurtful.

Can you talk to your son and suggest the sister be included in some way? She doesn't have to be a BM, but surely there's some role she can play in this important family event. I think some brides forget or don't understand that the in-laws are about to become your family, and they deserve inclusion, too. A wedding is a big day for a bride, but it's just as big a deal for the groom and his family.

Answer 3

I'm sure she should be one of the bridesmaid - that seems like the normal thing to do.

Answer 4

I don't think that there is "fomaly" a place for her. In some cases I have seen a grroms sister being included, but only because the bride and the grooms sister were very close friends. Normally, the grooms best friends would stand up, and the Brides best friends. I wouldn't put to much stress and worry over this as it may only cause drama or hurt feelings in a time when this is supposed to be the most wonderful day in your' son's and his Bride to be's Life. Maybe she can help decorate the reception??

Answer 5

I just had a wedding where both of my husbands sisters were involved in the wedding (One was a bride's maid, and one was a flower girl)  and I didn't know either of them all that well, and they were both very pleased about it.  I even invited the older one to the bachlorette party and she had a lot of fun!  I think it is just a nice courteous thing to do, and wouldn't hurt anyone to have the sister be involved in the wedding in someway.  Also it will help in making the groom's side of the family like the bride and not think of her as rude to not even include the sister. In my brothers wedding me and my other brother's girlfriend helped with making sure everyone got a program and signed in to the guest book and had a lot of fun.  Just a thought!  If you do it this way, make sure there is someone doing with her that is her age so that she has fun and is not there sitting there bored by herself.  This way she'll be involved and everyone will be happy.  If I were you, I would take the bride aside (or have your son do it) and tell her how hurt your daughter is about it, and see if there is some way she could be involved.

Answer 6

omfg !! she should most deff be a part of it.

OMGSHHHHHH poor thing!!

she should be mad(its just common sense)

Answer 7

It is not protocol that siblings are automatically included. Consider the size of their bridal party, and how close the bride is with the sister. If they are not close friends, it is only natural that the bride chooses her own sisters or friends. They might also be trying to keep the bridal party small, not slighting the sister. Who knows? There are a lot of things to consider.

Personally I would not be offended if I was not asked to be in my brothers wedding; I dont know his girlfriend that well, it would be awkward to be a bridesmaid.

Answer 8

It's a common courtesy to include the grooms sister(s) in the wedding.

She obviously was born in a barn. Very rude and classless of her part.

Your daughter has the right to be upset. That is such a slap in the face. Way to start with the in-laws...

Good luck

Answer 9

I don't believe there is a protocol or etiquette that says the sister of the groom should be a part of the wedding, but I do think it is a good idea to include siblings of the groom in the wedding party.

My immediate list of bridesmaids included both my fiance's sister and my sister.  If I had a very close male friend or brother - he would have been in my fiance's side of the wedding party.

Unfortunately, this girl is apparently selfish and self-centered.  She has no idea that this wedding is the foundation for forming family bonds with her future in-laws and that she is  going to feel the effects and coldness from her sister-in-law forever for leaving her out of the wedding.

I would make an exception if the bride has an unusually large # of sisters herself and is only putting them in the bridal party.  But a future SIL could be asked to do a reading and be named in the program as an important person.

Answer 10

That depends if the Bride is close to the groom's sister. If not, then there's no reason to ask her to be a part of it. I'm speaking from experience because when my fiance and I got engaged, My MIL asked me if her daughter can be a part of it, I asked and she said fine.. 3 months before the wedding, she backed out after seeing the bridesmaid dress choices and assuming she didn't like it because of that. So lesson learned, Ask only if the BRIDE is close to the future sister in law.

Answer 11

Generally, it is up to the bride and groom who is and isn't in the wedding party, but I always thought the groom's sister was usually included, unless the bride has many sisters herself.  Maybe she could be included in some other way, like reading the Scripture or as a guestbook attendant.

Answer 12

well yes she should be included because it is her brother's wedding. i included my sister as a bride maid in my wedding and i am sure if my fiance had a sister or a brother i would include them to in the wedding. i think you should mention it to your son. i think it is rude and un fair

Answer 13

one word CLASSLESS!!! going through the same stuff , i have one brother and they have decided to NOT include me but did elect to include our 15 year old sister. they have also decided to include my 4 daughters as flowergirls, so i guess that makes me queen babysitter for their big day, sounds like a ton of fun. another thing that makes me extra mad is that everybody else that is included lives at least in the same state, my family will traveling across country costing me 10k!!! it is my brothers wedding and i would walk there if i had to , i just think brides need to think twice before insulting the grooms siblings because i am pretty sure those "friends" of yours won't be as close to you in 10-15 years but you will still have to sit across from us sister in laws at the thanksgiving table!!!!! but go ahead brides leave those sister in laws out--hope you like drama!!!! i have been married for 15 years and it is not always easy-- drama is NOT what you want to start with!!!!

Answer 14

I know this isnt what you want to hear but i kinda had this same problem, my to be sister in law is generally a nice person but to me she makes derogatry comments and puts me down constantly. Privately myself and fiance have discussed this and decided not to include her as he completely sees what she does although it seems no one else seems to notice. Maybe there is a good reason. This isnt your wedding maybe you shouldnt get involved concentrate on your sons big day

Answer 15

Family and Weddings usually equal drama!

Generally siblings are invited to be part of the Wedding party; unless the Wedding Party is just one Maid of Honor and one Best Man.  If it is not too late I would invite her to be one of your bridesmaids, even if you don't get along - it's a matter of long-term family peace.

She may be so hurt that she will refuse anyways, but at least you tried.  If she can't or won't be a bridesmaid then perhaps she can do a reading during the ceremony.  Even if you did not plan on having one, talk to your officiant to add one in and they will have some suggestions for you.

Be prepared, this grudge will most likely be carried through many years and family events to come!  Tread wisely....

Z.

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Answer 16

Usually they are asked to be a bridesmaid, but it is totally up to the bride.

Answer 17

WELL, SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ASKED TO BE A BRIDESMAID. BIG BROTHER SHOULD PROBABLY SAY SOMETHING TO FUTURE WIFE, MAYBE SHE JUST DIDN'T REALIZE IT WOULD CAUSE HURT FEELINGS. AND MAYBE HER MOM DIDN'T KNOW THAT SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE BRIDAL PARTY OR AT LEAST ASKED AND GIVIN THE CHANCE TO TURN HER DOWN. SORRY TO HEAR THAT SHE IS HURTING OVER THIS.

Answer 18

I am getting married in 9 day (omg, so much to do...) and I did include both of my fiance's sisters...That being said...we have not always been on the best terms. Honestly, I've gotten into some pretty big arguments w/my sister in laws to be (they are both younger and think they can say whatever is on their mind no matter who it hurts or who they offend) Anyway, I could understand why anyone wouldn't have blamed me for not wanting them in it. Do the bride and the groom's sister get along? Do they know eachother well enough for the bride to want to include her? Me personally, I've drifted from a lot of my friends and I see my sister in laws more often than any of my friends so I didn't ask any friends. It's mostly family in the wedding party anyway, my sister, his 2 sisters, his 2 brothers, and our son. I am big into family and even though things have been rocky, I felt this a good time to make ammends and avoid the nasty position the bride in this case is in now. She has offended her sister in law before she is even her sister in law...bad move on her part. But tell your daughter that on the positive side...she doesn't have to pay for a bridesmaid dress or deal with the selfish bride as much :)

Answer 19

the sister is normally asked to be a bridesmaid

Answer 20

I don't know the formal protocol, but IMO, it's all about the bride. And she most likely has her dearest GFs to be in her wedding, and "owes" them the tradition of being the bridesmaids...I can understand the sister's disappointment somewhat (are they even close?), but it's not about HER. - She needs to get over herself and be happy she's invited to share in the celebration!...One day, it'll be her turn.

  

Answer 21

As an only sister who was left out of the wedding party of her brother's big wedding, I can sympathize with the girl. For one thing it's a snub that the soon to be SIL doesn't want her in the bridal party, kind of like she isn't good enough for the bride. For another, this is her brothers wedding too, he should have said I want my sister in it! So she feels let down by not only the bride, but the groom as well.

I had let them know that I was upset about being left out, so they decided to have me do a reading at the ceremony, but I felt it was their way of patronizing me for being upset in the first place. I wish I had stood my ground and said no.

If the bride does not want her as part of her party, she can be a part of the grooms. No guarantee that she still won't feel bad about it, but at least it may repair some of the damage with her brother.

Sorry to say for the bride, that's a hurt that isn't forgotten, even if it is forgiven. When it was my turn to get married, I had my brother and his daughters in the wedding, but she got to learn what it was like to be left out. What goes around, comes around!  

Answer 22

It all depends on why she wasn't asked to participate. My FSIL had her fiance's sister as her MoH, and it was a huge mistake - the MoH kept trying to take over, and wasn't being considerate (oh, sorry, I can't make the rehearsal, I have a friend's party to go to). This behaviour was all expected, so failing to include her as MoH would have been quite reasonable.  

Answer 23

yes!!!!!! FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 24

It really depends on the bride.. at the end of the day she picks who she wants. Don't get me wrong i had my partners sister but it just depends on her.

Answer 25

It depends. She might have a lot of friends and family. If they aren't close at all then it probably makes sense she wouldn't be.  

Answer 26

She should be included.  And why shouldn't she be.  This will be her sister-in-law.

Answer 27

i have to disagree to a point here not that your daughter isnt important shes family of course shes important i think its about having whos closest in the wedding not doing something just because its tradition or accepted my moh and and two bridesmaids consisted of my mom and my sisters because thats who im closest to if your son is close to her wants her in the wedding what about making her an usher who cares if their traditonaly male go agaisnt tradition LOL how old is she could she be invoved but in a less .....lesser role like flower girl, read a poem  what about asking her to take pictures before the wedding and throughout some of my best pictures where the spontanious ones before our wedding if shes older what about seeing if she can marry your son and his wife anyone can get a day lieceance and leagally marry someone what about being her offering to make favors or center pieces make the bouques whatever shes good at....sorry if i sound rude i dont mean i know how it feels to be left out of a wedding my sister actually did it to me....LOL so i understand hurt feelings but all you can do is be there offer help throughout the whole processes and know that even if your not part of the wedding your still everlasting part of their life :)

Answer 28

i would be upset!

usually it depends on whether or not you are close to the sister... but yes, generally she would be a bridesmaid

Answer 29

It would be nice if she would be bridesmaid.

Answer 30

ONLY IF SHE IS A CLOSE FRIEND OF THE BRIDE. tHE SISTER CAN BE PUT IN CHARGE OF SOMETHING AAT THE RECEPTION, LIKE THE GUEST BOOK OR CUTTING THE CAKE. bRIDESMAIDS SHOULD BE THE BRIDE'S CLOSEST FRIENDS

Answer 31

IF her sisters are part of the bridal party, then his sister should've been also. I have 5 sisters and 1 brother and my soon-to-be has 2 sisters, so we completely exed out all the siblings and I have my best friend as my MOH, and 2 friends as bridesmaids. It depends on the situation. But yes, she should've been asked. Before my FH and I made this decision we spoke to all of our siblings together and let them know what the plan was...and they were all ok with it. I hope this helps...I'm sorry she's hurt! Someone should have at least talked to her about it.