Should he be upset with me????

Question

7 yrs ago I gave birth to a baby boy. I was 18 at the time and away at my first year of college. The baby's father was in school also but we had lost contact.I told my parents and it was to late for me to get a abortion.They told me to give the baby up for adoption.I did.It was a closed adoption.I am now 25 with a 4yr child. My son's father ran into each other and i told him. Now he is mad.What should I do does he has a right to be mad. Can he do anything about it.He never knew i was with child.

Answer 1

if u never told him he was a dad then YES.....u sould hav found and talked to him but yes he does have the right to be angry if u never told him till now.........u see now its not his anymore and he never got a say in what happened to his child

Answer 2

Of course he has a right to be mad. That is his child - he had every right to know about his child and to choose to parent him if he wanted.

My mother never told my father about me either and she relinquished me. Imagine his surprise 30 some years later when I found him. Not only was he mad but he was brought to tears over the fact that he wasn't allowed to be there for me. He told me he would have raised me had he known - and that makes me angry and hurt that I missed out on being with my natural family all because my mother didn't want to deal with telling him.

Answer 3

Yes, he has a right to be upset with you for not telling him.  He had a right to know.

For your son's sake...DO NOT give him any information about the baby.  Legally he could disrupt the adoption and that would be devasting to the child.

Tell him you don't know anything about the boy...don't give him the name of the agency...don't tell him anything.

Answer 4

So if I'm understanding you correctly, you gave birth to a child who that guy was indeed the father, but he had no clue that he was a father because he was away at school and you just now told him 7 years later?

I would be mad. I agree with the first answer. If you really wanted this man to be a father to your son, you could have hunted him down. You lost touch but you have to know something like where his parents live, what school he went to. You could have hunted him down when you found out you were pregnant, and let him know and go from there. You waited 7 years to tell him and the only reason you did was because you just happened to run into him. I would be mad, and he does have a right to be especially if his dream is to be a successful loving father and now he is behind on where to even start.

Answer 5

Sure, he never signed his rights away, but at the same time he didn't have any rights, being as though he wasn't there when you had gave birth. There is nothing that can be done. He might could hire a good lawyer and check state laws, but I honestly don't think anything can be done.

Answer 6

Yes he has every right to be very angry at you...this was his child too.  He might have been able to parent the child.....why did you do that....................

Answer 7

You definately should have told the father. You should have investigated a little further to do so. Now you and he both have to wait several years before you see this child, if he so chooses to see you. He does have a right to be mad. How would you feel if 5 years later you were suddenly told you were a parent after the fact? I'm not sure if he can do anything about it. If he wants to, I suppose he could ask a lawyer, but the only way you'll find out is if his lawyer contacts you.

Answer 8

You were young and scared but instincts should have told you to either keep quiet about it now or you should have told him then.  He would be mad.  I certainly would.  I'm sure that it was beyond traumatic for you at the time and it was hard to think about the right things to do with the pressure of your family and friends.  I don't know why you would tell him now if you weren't needing sympathy, attention, or maybe you are angry with him since the feelings were never resolved and you felt that you took all responsibility and did everything yourself.  What happens now may be out of your hands but you also need to resolve the issues within yourself.  I would seek counselling if you haven't already.  Good Luck

Answer 9

thats so wrong in so many ways. he can fight for the kid even if the kid was put up for adoption. just because he is the birth dad.

Answer 10

Yeah - he has every right to be mad.

Father's have rights too.

Answer 11

Yes he has every right to be upset.  You should have found him and told him about it and then if he didn't want to accept responsiblity then you could have gone through with the adoption.  It was unfair what you did.  At 18 you were still under the mind set that you have to do what your parents say and no doubt they incouraged you not to contact him.  You should have been stronger and did the right thing.

Also you can't just not give him any information as someone else suggested.  If he's smart he will do his own investigating and get the answers he needs.  He could possibly even take you to court and get that info.  He had no knowledge of the child.  He has rights too.

This could turn out really bad for everyone. Now he may interupt your son's life with the only family he knows.  I hope you learned a valuable lesson.  No matter how hard something is to say or deal with you have to get the courage to speak up.  The past always catches up with you.

Answer 12

He could possibly get the adoption over turned and get his son back.

Do you realize what you've done? You've potentially ruined your biological son's life! He could be taken away from the only parents he's ever known, because you were too selfish to find the man you got pregnant by and tell him that you were pregnant.

Answer 13

The agency you went through had a legal obligation to locate the birth father to inform him at a minimum, and they should've had him sign away his rights to make the adoption fully legal. As it stands, if your ex wants to pursue it, he could overturn the adoption. For the child's sake, I hope he doesn't, but he could probably negotiate an "uncle" role in the child's life if he wanted to.

Answer 14

You should not have told him. That was cruel.

He would have been better off never knowing. Now who knows what will happen!!! He could try to get his child back. He never signed away any rights. The childs life could be in tatters.

You should have kept this to yourself. I am sure that 7 years ago it was not impossible to find him. And since you really didn't try that hard, you would have ALL been better leaving it as is.

How did you expect him to feel?

Answer 15

Sure he has the right to be mad.  He was never told.  Not all guys are weasels and would run away from responsibilities.

Answer 16

Yes, he most likely wil be upset if no other reason then he didn't know what was going on. However, given your and his age at the time, I can see who it happened the way it did. He may have the right to find out about the child now, but it would be hard after 7 years. If he asked I would give him the information that you have as it might help to put his mind at ease regarding what happened to the child. Let him contact the agency and take if from there on his own.

I also would question, why the agency didn't do a better job of locating him, as it was their job to make sure that all rights were tereminated in a legal matter, not yours.

Just as time has passed for you and now you are better able to parent a child, it may be the same from him and he may not feel that he could have parented the child 7 years ago when he was in school either, so even if he had have been told at the time the out come may have been the same.

His agency maybe more for the lack of information and being given a choice then it feeling that he would have been able to parent the child on his own.

I feel that you made the best choice you could at the time and looking back and trying to second guest doesn't always help anyone. I am sure that this was a very hard time for you and now having to tell him and relive it must be equally as hard for everyone involved.

Answer 17

Yes he should.  If he never knew about the adoption then the adoption isn't legal because he didn't sign his parental rights away which means he can get your court records and get his child that you put up for adoption back. What state do you live in? In every state in the USA you need both parents to sign away their rights otherwise the adoption is nullified.  It was wrong of you to not tell him he had a child or that you were putting it up for adoption. He had a right to make the decision with you.  He has every right in the world to be mad at you. Wouldn't you be mad if you were in his place and never knew you had a child and that your girlfriend put your kid up for adoption?