Should i accept the group therapy they might offer or insist on individual psychotherapy ?

Question

because obviously i have complex issues dont i ?

heres what happened the other day at therapy assessment and circumstances for me in general :

ive been waiting months for therapy, ive had a tragic horrific life so far - im 30 now - i have borderline poersonality disorder and ptsd..

my life has been one long tradgedy so far .

earlier this morning i went for my therapy assesment where they asked me a group of questions about my life so far.

ive been told in general that the correct therapy for bpd is dialectal behaviour therapy ....

however at this stage dr andrew told me its not certain whether their psychotherapy centre can help me yet.....its just an assesment.

and that they can only offer group therapy - what the h**l ?

can anyone advise what to do here, because where i live, this is the only therapy unit available....

and i thought i might get dbt or individual psychotherapy.

i really battle with my disorder and rage and feeling alienated from society and just want to move ahead with my life........ive already missed out a great deal in life..

so what do i do, do i take their therapy if they offer it me ?

im so annoyed - plus heres my circumstances in general :

i exist alone, living in a one bedroom flat on disability benefits in england- i feel ostracised and alienated from society.

i have no one except an aging mother whos always stood by me and done her best for me, shes 58 now and cant get up to see me like she once did.

i have alot of aggression problems that ive improved with all by myself over the years.....i used to have rage outbursts in public that i didnt plan, but comes from years of severe bullying.

ive basically had a horrifically hard life, missed out on forming ' any ' relationships with anyone........ missed out on ever being employed or gaining any qualifications.........missed out on an education..

im extremely lonely, abandoned....forgotten about by society......i sit in my apartment every night and no one seeks me out, tells me im worth something........its like i dont matter to anyone in society.

i feel people are aloof and standoffish to me like they were to me in the past , like no one wants to know me..

i feel stigmatised as somebody to avoid because of my criminal mental past and rage problems....

no one to phone....no one to phone me.....no one to turn to....a tormented, disadvantaged past..

i feel angry at people with happy lives, jealous, aggressive , it represents everything ive never had..

im 30 now, i own nothing....live on disability.....have a dusty old pathetic computer........no carpets on the floor.....have borderline personality disorder and ptsd.

wait for therapy........have torn ankle ligaments an injured ankle.....was told it will take a while to heal.

ive aged prematurly in my face..

have physical imperfections : 2 missing teeth - front bottom row- saving for dental treatment- cant afford anything right now.

this happened after i headbutted a wall years ago through anger.

cracked, broken skin , tears in the skin ' covering ' the ' head ' of my p***s,

an itchy, smelly sweaty s*****m, im waiting to see a dermatologist, she doesnt know what it is or wether the cracks can be cleared yet.

the tears and cracks dont hurt, but the skin is sensitive and looks terrible, all broken cracked skin covering my p***s head..plus discoloration of the head part.

i know its nothing sexually infection because i was checked out at the clinic months ago..

my little finger is crooked and droops over due to an injury years ago.

my only goalsin life is to attain a good paying computer job....to live a peaceful life near the coast........to leave england.......to find a loving partner....to eventually live in spain or another part of europe.

but tell me in my position, at 30, starting from zero, how will i do that ?

im despairing right now.

its like no one cares about me and societies moved on and left me behind.

people reject me, especially girls because i have major low self esteem.....i get clingy....expect to much to soon......dont no how to maintain a conversation.

theres this rusian girl on my messenger list, ive spoke to twice.....she seems nice.....but im scared to go talk to her again incase she rejects me because of how iam.

with all this, and in general ; what am i going to do ?

people have treated me aloofly and standoffishly for years now like their conveying the message im below them and that theyre rejecting me..

like theres a STIGMA that follows me around. and im being SOCIALLY EXCLUDED from society.

people treat me like a sad charity case and convey i would only be accepted because society would feel soory for me..

i get spoken down to, belittled, condescended....prople....females, shop workers , authority figures are all aloof with me.

i have severe low self esteem which means im constantly rejected

Answer 1

Hiya,

Count how many I, my, me etc you have written.... go on!

You need to find yourself, and help yourself to find what contribution you can make to society.

Or, you can sit around and wallow in self pity.

Go to your nearest cemetery and ask any dead person there if they would swop lives with you!

Fill your head with positives... good wholesome thoughts.

What you have been doing is being a loner and blaming everyone but yourself for it.

Blaming the world, when the answer is inside yourself.

Take off the blinkers, and determine that today is the very first day of the rest of yourself.

I believe you will read this, dismiss it and carry on the same as yesterday.

Stop thinking about what others can do for little old you.... that's negative!

Start thinking about what you can do for others... that's positive!

If you met someone like you, you would probably call him a to$$er and get as far away as possible, wouldn't you?

So, do something wholesome and positive.

As you rightly said, the NHS is not in a position to throw good money after bad, and as a result, is of little use to you.

Come on then... do something amazing and smile at people, say something pleasant.

After all, look where the behaviour of the last 30 years has got you.

Answer 2

If you don't like it, stop going, but might as well give it a go.

I think most of your life it has been external influence to make you who you are and how you react and maybe you need to see that others have developed the same coping strategies as you (that obviously haven't worked well) and find better ones.  You have to now find stronger mental abilities to cope with all the c**p that obviously seems to fly in your direction.  Blessings sent.

Answer 3

You should most defiantly take the group therapy sweetie,,, you just said you felt isolated by the people of your community right? Well the people in your group all have those same feelings and this gives you some support knowing others feel the same way you do. I have been in group therapy before although mine was for ritualistic abuse and I thought man I don't want all these people knowing all about me and my life that is personal to me i felt like my space was being invaded. BUT.... you know what it was one of the best things that helped me the most were knowing other people felt the same way I did and that they went threw the samwthings I did and then I didn't feel so alone It made me feel better knowing someone else in this whole big world understood everything about what I went threw and what all happened to me. I have a friend today that I made in group and she is still one of my best friends in the whole world. Go to group honey it really will do you alot of good I PROMISE YOU THAT!! It will be a little bit scary at first untill you get to start knowing the people. they also can help you to open up because they can relate to you on a personal basis darling. PLEASE GO!!! If you still need someone to talk to 1 on 1 I am not a Dr but I have had years of therapy and will be happy to talk with you. Best of Luck to you ... Gentle Hugs