Should i bail out my brother in law after he blew his entire paycheck at a strip club?

Question

He told his wife (my wife's sister), that he lost his wallet after cashing his paycheck, over $600.-- she called my wife and cried about not having enough $ to pay some bills. She now wants to give (not loan) them about $1000. to help out. I said no, and got the evil eye and speech about family. So if I tell the truth and start a whole big fight, I'm the bad guy. Why should I pay for his lap dances? I wasnt even there. So, how do I handle this without causing any major controversey? We can afford the money, but its the principle

Answer 1

Hmm...I see where you're coming from.  

I think you should tell YOUR wife why you don't want to give them the money and maybe you two can work some kind of loan out.

Or, you could have a talk with your brother in law, tell him that you're going to loan them the money, but he has to pay it back to you.

Answer 2

DON'T HELP HIM< TELL THE TRUTH!!!!! one day the real reason will come out and then you will be in deep S**t!!!!!!!!! what are they going to do the next time he "loses" his wallet!!!! $600 at a strip club, he was getting some @ss. this is your sister we are talking about here, don't you even care about her and her feelings, s***w him!!!!

Answer 3

Help the man out, it could have been you

Answer 4

Under no circumstances do you give this person money!  

Under no circumstances do you give this person money!  

Under no circumstances do you give this person money!  

I said that three times, because I want you to remember it.  You would get a better return on the money if you bought 1000 lottery ticket.  His problem is not your problem.

The best thing that family members can do for each other is to live within there own means.  

Its 2008, you can't afford to burn 1000 dollars, no matter what you think.  How many times are you going to have to do this.  I would guess that this is not the first time and I guarantee that it will not be the last.  

You are being taken advantage of, don't let it happen.  You are not the bad guy, you are the responsible guy.

Think about this:  What if you and your wife didn't have the money, what would they do?

Be strong and don't let this happen to you.

I speak from experience!  My siblings have tried to do this to me in the past.  I used to be a sucker and let them take advantage of me.  I ended this cycle when my sister called asking for money.   I said that I wasn't going to send her any money and I asked her a simple question.

"Where do you see yourself in 10 years?"

This pissed her off along with my entire family.  All they wanted from me was money, they didn't want to fix the issue that was causing her to call me constantly for money.  Namely, her inability to plan and live within her means.  Since then, my family has been hesitant to ask me for money.  They still ask from time to time, but I can say NO now.  I do say no now.

Answer 5

Don't think of it as paying for his lap dances, think of it as paying to keep the lights on in their house.

While you're at it, since you can afford it, can you send me $1000?

Answer 6

Here is what you do. Blackmail your brother in law in private. Tell him that you will give him the money on one condition. The $1000 dollars your wife gives him needs to be paid back to you in $1000 worth of prostitutes.

Maybe you say to him that he buys you a $250 hooker each month for 4 months. Or if you want a really really nice looking hooker, then just wait 4 months for a $1000 hooker.

Oh...I guess one more condition,,he needs to supply the condoms for you.

Or,....Kick his @$$ and say "oops, sorry about that" and explain to your Brother in law, wife, and wifes sister "It was an accident, I slipped"

Answer 7

Well, you help them out this month... and then what is going to happen next month?

I would talk to your BIL and tell him that he needs to be honest with his wife.

As far as your wife goes, I would be honest with her. Explain that you don't want to bail them out when they could go get a load or a pay day advance. YES, it sucks to have to pay for it, but why should you bail them out when he is such a scum bag....

Other than that, tell your wife you would be more than happy to pick them up some groceries or something, but not a $1,000.00

Answer 8

I would tell your wife why you don't want to help him and then if she still wants to help i would get the dirty sleaze and read him the riot act. Tell him that is his last chance and he will not get another red cent out of you. Not to metion you will tell his wife what has been going on. If you can't say this to him give your wife a chance to tell him.

Answer 9

dont help him seriously, he has to learn a lesson.

Answer 10

I honestly do not blame you at all. tell her that regardless of whether or not they are family you shouldnt have to pay for his lapdances. tell her you will LOAN them the money and that they have a certain amount of time to pay it back.. also let them know thats the last time you do that for them, its not fair that you need to pay for his bad habits and partying ways

Answer 11

no don't bail him out you need to tell ur wife why you won't help out.. just be honest to her and she will thank  you for telling her

Answer 12

Maybe get some collateral?

Answer 13

You shouldn't have to pay for any thing...  Tell her the truth and tell the Wife that to... If your wife had male strippers and stuff and if your Brother In law knew, Wouldn't you want him to tell you? And why Pay for his pleasure?

Answer 14

Tell your wife the whole truth.  Depending on what your wife says then take it from there.  I wouldn't give it because he will depend on you to always bail him out and this will continue.

Answer 15

NO,,CAUSE I F U DO HE WILL BEG FOR MORE ,,I WOULDNT GIVE ANYONE THAT AMOUNT OF MONEY,,I THINK HIS WIFE SHOULD B TOLD BY U OR BY YOUR WIFE,,OR  EVEN GIVE HIM THE CHANCE TO TELL HER,,CAUSE U WILL B GIVING THEM MONEY FOREVER,,AND I THINK ITS GOOD OF U TO  WANT TO LOAN THEM MONEY,,,BUT WHY GIVE IT  TO THEM,,U DONT WANT TO RAISE THEM,,,,,,,PEACE

Answer 16

  Are you serious???? His wife is stupid enough to not have noticed that hubby got home from work drunk and 3-6 hours late?????  This guy's take home pay is over $600, but he doesn't put money into a bank???  No checking account?  He deals only in cash?  Regardless, there is NO reason to GIVE him money.  Besides, why would it require $1000 to replace $600 he supposedly lost????  Pal, to heck with it.  If being honest, and not willing to replace money that fools blow in topless joints or crack houses makes you a bad guy, then you have MAJOR problems in your marriage.  But, it would be a cold day in hello when I work hard, so that I can give my money to fools that throw their money away.

Answer 17

No, it will happen again !! this is a addiction  

Answer 18

Yeah give him some money, make sure of two things though. 1.) That this a loan, to be paid back in a reasonable time line. 2.) That he comes clean with the wife. 600 dollars at a strip club, this guy is definitelty stuck in stupid!

Answer 19

Hahaha..  you go to him directly and you tell him about the conversation.  You tell him that you are giving him the money but someday down the road he needs to return the favor.  Always give the money.  Never expect it to be returned.  He just owes you a favor now.  You put a check in your column is all.

Answer 20

I can see it both sides....your wife wants to help family out, because if she were in a situation then she would want them to help...(i doubt however they could).

And then there is no way in this current society to afford things and you don't want to go broke your self. ( I have helped people out with money and never saw a dime back. ) Your bro in law if he gets his hands on the money will just spend it again leaving yet some more bills.  If you feel that you could help them out a little, I would ask your sis in law for her bills and just directly pay them.  That way you know your money isn't going for a lap dance, just the electric bills.  Either that or write the check directly to the company.

(My friends and family members know that (a) I will never bail anyone out of jail...never... pay your debt off by sitting in jail.  And (b) if by some reason I feel slightly charitable and let you borrow money from me....you better pay me back or I'll send Guido!  :))

Answer 21

Say no.  Tell your wife why.  The sleaze bag husband does not deserve anyone's protection.

Answer 22

I'd want to know if my husband is lying to me about major stuff like that. The family is in turmoil due to his activities.

Tell your wife the truth.

NO........don't bail him out!!!!