Should i be offended by this?

Question

Yesterday, my fiance and I went to the taste test at the caterer's for our wedding. My mom, my fiance, the wedding planner, and our 9 week old son was there. When we left the caterer my mom took our son and my fiance and I went to target to register for the wedding. Out of no where he picked up his phone to call this girl to see who her caterer was. ( He thought we had the same caterer) He has not talked to this girl in years. I got very frustrated because we were having a great day and he called her. (He has slept with her numerous times and she is married however he was single at the time) I told him how would you feel if i called my exes and he proceded to say he never DATED her!

Answer 1

Ya that's pretty rude of him to do. I would tell him regardless if he dated her or not that you do not feel comfortable with him talking to her and you would lke t if he wouldn't. Try not to be too aggressive or it may cause a fight.

~MLF~

Answer 2

If it makes you feel insecure, then may be you should wait until you are really ready.  

Answer 3

Whether you should be offended by this is not the point.

The point is you ARE offended by your intended's behavior and that is what needs to be addressed.

Sit Mr. 'I-can't-see-what-I did-that's-so-bad' down and calmly explain to him what he did that hurt you.  His behavior will continue unless you tell him what you won't tolerate.  He probably figures he was helping, so you need to clue him in on a few things.

And personally, I'd rather the girl had been an ex and not just a sexual partner.  At least there would have been a basis for their relationship....while she cheated on her husband.

Answer 4

I'm not sure I understand why he would call someone about a caterer if you had just been to a taste test for them.  Was it to find out if they were any good or to ask questions?  He probably should have asked the caterer his questions or asked for references from them.

I agree he really did not need to call her.  She seems to be a threat to you.  It may be true they didn't "date", but she is still an ex-lover.  

Take a moment and calm down.  Then, calmly tell him how the call made you feel and ask he not contact her in the future.

Good luck.

Answer 5

You have every right to be upset and it's a shame that he thinks nothing of it.

Address the problem with him. Let him know that it makes you uncomfortable and upset that he freely converses with his ex.

Like the other poster said, exes are in the past. He shouldn't be bringing her into your relationship.

Never dating her has nothing to do with it.

Answer 6

Men are stupid!  Yes, you should have been offended BUT.......now he knows that this behavior is not acceptable.  Now he knows that calling her upsets you.  Ask yourself " Would you rather he call behind your back or in front of you?"

Answer 7

Don't be sensitive.  You will be getting married soon. And don't mess up your relationship with his ex girlfriend.  The situation that you are getting married shows that your fiancee has chosen you as his wife and mother of his children.  So why be bother,  just let him also share ideas.  Maybe he just want to give her a business just purely business.  Relax and be happy.  Good luck!

Answer 8

So what if he never DATED her he HAD s*x with her and that's even worse! It's one thing if he wants to stay in touch with her (which i still wouldn't like) but calling her while he's with you trying to make decisions for your wedding is just completely uncalled for! Whether he understands why you feel the way you do or not he should respect the fact that it bothered you, apologize, and never do it again.  

Answer 9

I would've been extremely pissed.

Ex's are meant to be in the past.  Since they had an affair while she was married...it shows that they don't respect the sanctity of marriage. Are you sure you want to marry this guy?

Answer 10

My husband isn't friends with any of his exes but I really wouldn't mind it if he was.

Your fiance probably thought he was doing something helpful, and probably really doesn't understand why it bothers you. Calmly have a talk with him about it. You are going to get married, if there are trust issues (being offended by speaking to an ex is a trust issue) then they need to be resolved before you get married.

Answer 11

He didn't date her. He had a sexual affair with her, but I can see your point, and why that would bother you. He should have cut ties with her a long time ago, and the fact that he contacted her during a special time with you is telling. I would have a conversation with him how exes, or former flings, should be left where they belong: in the past.

P.S. A guy who didn't respect someone else's wedding vows really can't be trusted to respect his own.

Answer 12

don't marry someone you don't trust.... if you trust him that shouldn't be a big deal.

Answer 13

From what you say in your question, the only reason you're offended he called her is because he slept with her. Is this correct?

If that is the case then I'd say no, you oughtn't be offended. Breaking up with a romantic partner should not mean that you never contact that person again. If you feel threatened by his past loves when he's chosen to marry you then either he isn't very reliable, in which case you need to call off the wedding, or the stress of the wedding is eating at your self-esteem, in which case either get some counselling, or go to a spa and pamper yourself to feel better.  

Answer 14

You may be overreacting just a little. Not much though, I'd be pretty upset too. Don't let it get to you though, since they slept together before you were in the picture, you can't hold that against him. Like you said, you had your life before him as well. I would tell him, nicely, that you don't appreciate it. Sleeping with a girl and dating can be considered the same thing in most cases. He needs to respect the boundaries.

Answer 15

This is something you need to talk about - not the fact that he called her, but the fact that you are obviously completely uncomfortable with his relationship with this woman. You need to figure out if you are okay with her being a part of his life. If not, get out, because he is never going to change.