Should i confront my husband?

Question

I just found out my husband used to do coke. I wouldn't be bothered by it if he just told me...cause its his past, but the fact that i had to hear it from his sister just hurts and now i feel like i cant look at him the same way. I've told him all about me and i feel he should do the same...my past was embarrassing and he didnt judge me and he should know i wouldn't do it to him...should i ask him about it?

Answer 1

The only way I would say anything is if you suspect him of repeating that mistake. If you think he is on it again, then yes. Otherwise do not bring it up at all. No one like to be reminded about their past mistakes. If he is a loving caring husband, then move on.  

Answer 2

i wouldnt mention it to your husband (and i dont think his sister shouldve said anything either)...it was his past and he got off of it...thats whats important..

i would just move forward with your lives and leave the past alone..

chances are he didnt tell you because he is ashamed and just wants to forget it...

Answer 3

If I were you, I wouldn't ask him about it. It might upset him, and he may be embarased by that. Maybe he was just going through a rough time and wanted to forget about it, and that's why he never said anything. Just leave him alone on it, if he wanted you to know about it, I'm sure he would've told you by now. But it's totally your decision to ask him about it or to remain quiet about it, not mine. So good luck with whatever you chose to do.

Answer 4

Why are you taking this so personally. It's not about you it's about him and why he may or may not told you. Does it really matter? Just because you told him everything doesn't mean that you should have these expectations of him that he doesn't even know about. Maybe he just didn't think it was important. Guys think differently then women and there could be a million reasons why it just slippped his mind. Maybe he want's to forget out those times his self. Don't take it personally for God's sake! If you need to know than ask him. Being married you should not be scare to ask him anything.  

Answer 5

it might have just slipped his mind... its not that huge a deal if he did it now and then when he was younger. Just ask him y he didnt tell you? But its like its something worth ending a marriage over.

Answer 6

I would just leave it, when he's ready he will tell you.  Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and don't let something from his past ruin what you guys have now.

Answer 7

i dont know  

Answer 8

I would

Answer 9

his sister was totally wrong for telling you your husbands past.that's his job.he might have told you because a-hes not ready to and b-maybe he told you enough and there is no law saying you have to tell all.the past is the past.

Answer 10

no, just leave him he is a liar and you need me to be with you and make you happy dump his sorry ***

Answer 11

I'd just leave it alone, it's in the past and it sounds like he's moved on.  You don't have to know everything about your husbands past.

Answer 12

yes you should and he's probably really ashamed and thought you'd think less of him or not wanna be with him. his sister should shut up though ; this may cause a rift between them

Answer 13

Maybe he didn't tell you about it because it is not something he is proud of. Who knows. In any event you shouldn't be "hurt" by something in his past that he neglected to tell you about. It is after all, his past. We all have them. If his sister told you I really don't think it was something he was trying to hide or he would've told sis not to mention it to you ever. I don't see the problem here so don't make one. If you're curious ask him about it but don't be confrontational. And maybe it's something he doesn't want to talk about (being the reason he never told you about it). You need to allow him that and accept it. There's no relationship law or requirement stating that we must reveal every tidpit of our past with each new relationship. Some things are best left in the past.  

Answer 14

I'd tell him because it's better to know what really happened from him and then you can just remove it from your way

Answer 15

Some men are closed books and they want say anything unless you ask them. I have been married for 4 months and a girlfriend for 5 years and I have learned that you just have to ask. You are doing right by not judging him. I mean a persons past is the past so you can look at the future that you want and need from him. Just be thankful that he is not doing it now. Just have faith in him and ask him if he still do it. If he tell you the answer the just roll with it because then you know what you was looking for. Just don't nag him about it because one day will come when he will open up to you just give him time. Until then God bless and good luck.

Answer 16

I will say leave it. No point spoiling the relationship because of something of the past.

Answer 17

Yes, ask him.  You must feel betrayed.  To omit a piece of vital info is lying.  I would wonder about what else he is hiding.  Some men feel they will tell you things on a need to know basis.  You shared your past experiences, and thus it should have been mutual, for him to share his.  Confiding in each other and sharing past experiences builds trust.  Perhaps he was embarrassed, however, when you love each opening up makes your bond much stronger.  Trust is very important a relationship, for enrichment and growth.  

Answer 18

If it bothers you so much then yes because otherwise it's going to eat away at you and sour your relationship.

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it - we all do dumb things sometimes. So probably the word confront is not the right choice, find a way to bring it up -sit and chat about stupid stuff you did at school etc and then ask him about it.

Answer 19

Judge people by their current actions, not words, not past deeds. Not all people are comfortable, nor do they feel it relevant, to discuss their past. I have secrets that I have not shared, and we are happily married for 20 years. Just remember that when asking about the past - Do you really need to know??