Question:

Should i continue writing this story?

by  |  earlier

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The mouse was delighted. It did not worry about the future or agonize over the past. It was happy because like all house mice, it needed a house and it had found one. Not just any house, it had found the perfect house. There were young kids in the house, and that meant that there would be dropped food Its whiskers quivered with anticipation as it imagined the cookie crumbs, the cheddar, the pieces of bread, the dropped cake. It was almost too much for it to bear.

It was so overwhelmed by its good fortune that it did not stop to think how it was that there was already tunnels dug through the wall, after all, why question such luck?

The mouse grew lazy and fat on the unknowing charity of the humans. Even after they discovered his presents and laid out traps for him, he merely chuckled to himself. Did they really think that he would fall for cheese laid out on a metal death machine? That he would not smell the poisoned bait?

And he would have likely gone on living out his days in such plenty had it not been for the kitten. He smelled it the moment that they brought it into the house. Into his house! How dare they bring this mortal enemy into his paradise? That night he snuck upstairs to look at the beast. She was only a few weeks old, just twice his size. But he was not a fool, she would grow into a killer. He spent the night pacing in his little den, he had to leave, that much was certain. No mouse without a death wish would chose to tempt fate in that way. He almost left that very night, but it was warm and safe inside the house, and so bitterly cold outside. After all, the kitten could barely walk; there was no need to flee immediately. Yes, he thought, there was no rush, he could wait until summer, then find another house.

The kitten grew fast. Her once wobbly legs became springs from which she could leap twice her height. She was full of youthful joy; she chased bugs and pounced on passing feet. It was easy enough for the mouse to avoid her. Ha! , she thought she was stealthy, but he could hear her coming from miles away.

While a wiser cat would have recognized the unmistakable scent of mouse, the kitten grew up with the smell, and gave it no more thought than the smell of the television or the sofa.

But of course, sooner or later the inevitable was bound to happen. They had their first run in during the first hours of the new spring sun.

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11 ANSWERS


  1. I would continue. It's cute.

    But don't post personal writing online... it's not a good idea.


  2. Not sure if it's supposed to sound like a child's story, but I guess that's not the point.

    Sounds alright to me.

  3. you should definitely keep writing it!!!

    I wunna hear the rest!

  4. wow. that's a pretty good story so far.  if i were you i would continue writing.

    OMG!

    that's really good!

    its a good piece

    good luck!

  5. yea you should keep writing it,

    pay attention to the it and him tho.

    "It was so overwhelmed by its good fortune "

    "And he would have likely gone "

    other than that it seems nice

  6. is it a children's story? if so its a little scary and too maturely written for a child. you might want to edit it.

  7. It's cute. I can see it going somewhere.

    So yeah, keep writing it.  

  8. Keep going! That's adorable! You used good detail and described things well. I read the whole thing and usually I don't like reading such long things here, but it was great! I think you should give the mouse and kitten a name, so you don't have to keep saying 'the mouse' and 'the kitten'. Keep going, you're a great writer!

  9. It's not my type of story and seems a bit slow, but keep writing it if you want to. No one or their opinions (including mine :P ) should stop you from doing something you love. If you like it, keep going. No one else's opinion really matters. -shrug-

    Honestly, though... If you really want my opinion, as I said above, it seems kind of bland-ish. I really like your writing style - how it's not TOO descriptive, but just descriptive enough to not leave the reader wondering and keeps up the pace of the story.

    If there are some good twists in there, it could be one of those really good 'smalltime' stories. Perhaps a short story or something. ^_^

  10. No.  This story has no definite audience.  The syntax is too complex for a illustrated children's story.  As a short story for an older audience, the mouse/cat needs more human-like hubris and angst to personify human existence.  Thus, the average reader will ask him/herself, "And so what...?"

  11. I like it keep going its very adorible.

    can you help me?

    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

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