Should i cut her out of my wedding?

Question

Ok, this is quite a long one. My (supposed) best friend and i have had an agreement that we would be each others Maid of Honour but since she has had her new boyfriend she hasn't been the same. She has been with this guy for quite a while now and i could see her changing, ever so slowly. She is my eldest daughters godmother too, but hasn't seen me or the children since June 1st, on my youngest daughters christening. It was my daughters birthday on June 15th and she didn't send a card or anything, we make arrangements for her to come round to my house and she never turns up, with no explanation or anything. She was supposed to be coming to my birthday party on July 13th which was when we announced our engagement and never turned up, so now she does not know we have booked the wedding or anything. I have another friend who would love to be my Maid of Honour, and i really love her, she is a real true friend.

Anyway, Sorry about the rant, do you think i should just stop attempting to contact her and accept our friendship is over and ask the other girl.

Thanks for your advice.

Answer 1

Call her up and ask if she's ok.  Tell her you're concerned because you haven't heard from her.  Make the conversation about yourself and your concern and love for her as a friend.  If you accuse her of being a bad friend, she will be defensive and that will only drive a wedge between you.  Maybe she has a really good reason for being so absent.

Perhaps at a later date, you can dicuss whether this boyfriend really brings out the best in her.  Once again, don't accuse!  

If you find that you no longer see eye to eye, tell her that you've valued the friendship you've enjoyed for so many years, but it might be time for you both to move on.  Explain that she will always occupy a special place in your heart and she can count on you if she needs it.

Answer 2

if shes going to be your maid of honor, she should pay an effort to see you and her godchild, and show interest. she doesnt even know you have a wedding booked? get your other friend wouldnt you rather have a true friend you love to be your MOH. i made the same thing with another friend but she ttoally backstabbed me and everything. lost my trust completely. id rather have one of my better friends be there, and do you even know for a fact she'd show up to everything she needs to be at if she cant even show up to your bday party?

Answer 3

No. How can she be a true friend? Shes blatinly wiening you out of her life. I no it sounds terrible but shes not a real friend. She forgot your daughters birthday and yours!! She chose not to be there when you announced the wedding and then she basically chose not to be in the wedding at all. If i was you i would pick your other friend to be maid of honour. You won't regret it. At least she wants to know and care for you. Good Luck

Answer 4

Forget her. Obviously she's forgot you.

Definetly ask the other girl. Would you really want someone to do it half heartedly?

Answer 5

If she isn't there for you now, i doubt that she will be very helpful being your maid of honor. That is supposed to be your right hand girl!  So i would go with someone you could trust. And if she asks you about it, just tell her you have tried to contact her on various occasions and have heard nothing from her.  

Answer 6

The new friend should be your MOH. Not that the MOH is your personal slave for a year while you're engaged, but she does help quite a bit. For example, it's nice to have her go with you for trying on dresses, as well as helping to pick out other random things, and gives you objective advice.

The friend that never shows up and is completely unreliable will be a nightmare while you plan your wedding. Just explain to her that you guys have grown apart over the years and you can't rely on her, especially when she can't keep appointments and then not even give you warning to apologize for not being there. She may even understand. Most likely she'll be upset, though, and be prepared for that, but just calmly point out all the times she wasn't there for you when she either said she would be or you expected her to be.

I'm sure the more reliable friend who you actually want to ask will be delighted to help you.  

Answer 7

I would wait and find out what is going on first. Maybe there is something wrong that you don't know about.

If you find out she is just being a flaky friend, then of course you should ask someone else. Your MOH should be someone you can depend on, and she doesn't seem like you can even depend on her showing up to the wedding!

Answer 8

Why is she so completely absent and dismissive about your birthday and parties if she is such a great friend?

Maybe she is jealous that you've got all these fun things going on?

I am going to say to talk to her and find out what happens. But you DID invite her to your house and she never came so I'd wait til she calls you.

By the way she's acting though, she is def being flakey and I'd rather a different MOH in my opinion.

Answer 9

In this case, I would say, yes, ask the other friend to be your Maid of Honor.  

Answer 10

Well, given that my best friend that I asked to be my MOH decided she could not come to my wedding and has not called me since, and my other friend that I have had for 15 years that I asked instead bailed on me a month before, I am going to give you one solid piece of advice:

Ask someone you can count on, because nothing sucks worse than being abandoned by "friends" on the most important event of you life.

Believe me.

Answer 11

you just announced your engagement and already booked? wow! Umm, yeah, I'd say cut her.  

Answer 12

Sounds like she is not dependable.  People change as time goes by.  Some for the good and others well not so  good.

Ask your other friend.  If she does come around eventually , you can always ask her to be a bridesmaid.  If she refuses then so be it.

Answer 13

That's sweet that you made that agreement when you were younger and much closer. Unfortunately time changes things and if you are no longer close you should chose someone who is. If you haven't asked her now that you're actually engaged then don't worry about it. She may be hurt when she finds out, but if she is as distant as it sounds then it shouldn't be a surprise.  

Answer 14

I don't think you have to make a big deal about NOT asking her.  Just ask your other friend and leave it at that.  

You deserve to have someone you can trust to stand by you through all the planning, the ceremony itself and life after.  It sounds like your first friend's priorities have changed.  

You can still invite your first friend to be a part of the pre-wedding stage by asking her to the shower, you could even ask her along to the cake testing or the florists. And of course, you invite her and her lovely new Boy Friend to the wedding.

If she is upset you can just explain to her that you had wanted to ask her, but hadn't been able to get a hold of her.

Its a tough situation that you're in,

Good Luck.

Answer 15

I would keep her as a bridesmaid. She may be going through a tough time in her life right now. I would ask someone else to be the MOH and you can explain exactly why to her. I think she'll understand and may open up to you about why she has been so flaky and/or make more of an effort regarding your friendship in the future.

Answer 16

it seems youve grown apart. make a date to see her. if things arenot the same paley feeling. ask your new best friend to be moh

Answer 17

Ask your other friend to be your maid of honor. Trust me - the last thing you want is someone who is unreliable and flaky. Maybe you could ask her to be a bridesmaid, but the maid of honor is a big responsibility and from her recent behavior it doesn't look like she is going to be responsible enough to handle the position.

It's a shame - but people do change. Go with the friend who is going to cherish being your maid of honor.  

Answer 18

The person who should be your MOH is the person who you feel will best support you through this important day. It shouldn't depend on promises made long ago. Oh, and I don't feel you owe her an explanation unless she asks for one.

When we were younger my Best friend from high school and I always would talk about how we were going to be each other's MOHs. Well, time changes things and when I get married next year I'll be asking her to be my bridesmaid but I don't know yet who my MOH will be (might be my mom, might not be anyone). I also have another friend who I always felt would be in my wedding, and now I don't even know if she'll be a bridesmaid.