Question:

Should i divorce him or not?

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Last month, my husband told me that he does not love or in love with me anymore.I was shocked and cant think what to say at that moment,all i did was cry and try to think what what did i do..We been married for 15 years and we have 2 kids together.. ever since he told me that he does not stay home all the time like he used to..He gets mad so easy and he want to get rid of everything that he used to love.He is 46 years old and im 37,he said he was moving out and he wants separation from me and he needs to think..So i got him a hotel to stay in for a couple of days.did not call him or nothing.for the whole week i did not eat or sleep i was so worry about our relationship..i dont want to loose him. Im still in love with after all these years..I ask him if theres someone else, he said no,he just need some space..but my guts is telling me that keeping some thing from me.So i looked at our telephone records and checked all the numbers that is calling him and the number he frequently calls..sure enough i found 1 that calls him almost 10 times a day..so i asked him about it,he said it was a co workers number,they just talk cause this person has a problem i said ok.Few days passed same number is calling him early in the morning and late at night,for about 15 to 45 minutes. I was curious,so i called the number, woman answered the call so i hung up.I told him again about it, he said maybe the daugther of my co worker answered my call. So i said oh ok.But the feeling inside me is telling me differently,I know he is lying and when hes phone would ring he would go outside or in the bedroom and shut the door before he answer it.I confronted him about it,He got all mad telling me to leave his friends alone.but i cant stand the lie..we argued about it..telling me that every thing was my fault,i feel so guilty afterwards,i cried. whenever he off from work he would tell our daugther that he staying at a friends house,he rarely stay home now.I do not call him cause i know hes not gonna anwer my call..I was so worried about him.and whenever i tried to talk to him about trying to work things out..he always bring up all the stuff that happens in the past,we only have 2 big fights in our 15 years of marriage.I enrolled myself to the gym hope it would help me a little bit.

He always tell me that theres no one else,she just friend whos going through the same thing..i suggested to him to go ahead and get an apartment,cause i every time i see him i get this pain in my heart and i cried.I did not know what to do,he wont even let me touch him.As far as my kids they knew whats going on,they are 14 and 13.I have ask them about it ,they did not want us to get divorce.I dont want either..I love my husband very much,i cant even imagine or think being with another man.I accept him cheating on me but the lies, its killing me inside cause he was not like that.We suppose to file a divorce next week ,he said he would pay for it{uncontested} cause we both agree on a chid support and the house will be transfer to my name..He said he want us to be friends not enemy for the sake of the kids.

It was our 16 year anniversary yesterday,i bought him a card and gave it to him but i dont think he even red the card.He did not say anything..I am so confused,i ask him if he wants to go see a therapist,he said no.seems like he does not want to work thing out,so today i told him instead of paying the lawyer for a divorce ,get an apartment cause he wants to file for divorce first and then leave the house when its final and it would take 2 to 3months.i dont want to feel this feelings to continue for the next 3 months i want it to go away,i lost a lot of weight already . please any advice soon!!!

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  1. Please go and see a psychologist as you sound, understandably depressed and upset. I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Maybe he is having an affair....who knows unless he admits it you see him with another woman. I seems he wants a divorce and perhaps it is time to move on....I hope you will be okay  


  2. This may not be the best advice, but this is what I did.  I kicked my husband out.  He was having an affair and said he wanted a divorce.  He tried to live in our house and still see his mistress.  I told him to get an apartment and went looking with him.  I wasn't going to put up with him for one more day, so he ended up moving out.  He was miserable and lonely.  His mistress finally moved in with him and he realized that she was not what he wanted and he missed his family.  In the meantime, I was moving on with my life. I let him see our daughter and take care of the house but I wouldn't let him close to me.  He would always try to complain to me about the other woman but I didn't want to hear it.  When he saw I was moving on, he got upset and realized what he was missing.  It was a long drawn out process but in the end, he came home.  

    Unfortunately, he is still trying to have the best of both worlds.  He seems to be perfect, but then he still has her on the side.  So ask yourself, do you really want to fight for your husband knowing he could put you through what I went through?  

  3. divorce him.. change the locks on the door. and hurry to a lawyer ...

  4. if he,s ever cheated or is cheating get rid of him. i know its hard but you have to cause it only gets worse all the way around. the children will be ok after awhile.under no circumstanses do you let him walk all over you.   goodluck.    ps ben ther don that.

  5. I apologize for your situation. He sounds as if he has made his mind up. Unfortunately, u still love him and that is gonna hurt like h**l. Seek strength from your kids and good friends; pray. Like a lot of men, after they have "had their space" they seem to want their life back. U could wait it out, or make the decision no to go backwards and start anew. It takes a charismatic, spiritual committed and loving; strong & disciplined man to be a real man. It is hard for men to function in a chaotic stressful life/family (mid life....). Women r built diff. Luv him & wait or luv him & move on. His loss! I'll pray 4 u.

  6. I read all of the answers and i agree with them so there isn't anything else to tell. i only wish the best for you. think about you and your children don't annoy yourself because of a person like that.

  7. Oh dear, this is a very sad situation. I'm afraid your husband is definitely gone by the sounds of your question. It's really vital that you go and see a professional who can help you get through this. Please, whatever happens don't involve the kids.... talk to a counsellor instead. It's a shame your husband isn't man enough to be honest with you. I wish you the best of luck. You can get through this and have an even better life after.

  8. Sounds like midlife crisis. If testosterone drops below a certain level men get depressed big time. He needs to see a doc.

  9. Your husbands long gone and there's nothing you can do about it now. It's obvious that there is someone else that he is involved with. By you accepting the fact that he is cheating on you you are setting a horrible example for your children. You are basically telling them that it's ok to let someone treat you like that. You need to get yourself together and fast, not only for your sake but your children's too. Why would you want to be with someone that didn't love and respect you. Get the divorce and move on with your life. In time things will get better.

  10. You can not make the jerk love you again..It's appernt he has a girl friend..The best you can do is divorce him and get EVERYTHING plus a lot of child support and health insurance for the kids, then move on and leave this cheaten loser behind you...

  11. Let him live in that hotel. Refuse to let him in again. And hurry that divorce up.  

  12. Emotional treason. Just get a divorce. I did the same thing to my ex-wife...but she was the one who started having a sexual affair first. So, it really didn't break either of our hearts to split up. Sounds like it's over between you two.

    Best of luck. Make it a clean break and move on.

  13. It's over and you're the last to know. You've seen all the signs but you're in denial. Don't let your remaining feelings for him cheat you out of your self-respect, your home or support for your kids. Don't "agree" to any terms or support plan until you've talked to your own attorney. You'd be giving your kids' security and future away. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for them. Remember, you are setting the example for them of how to act in their own relationships - do you want them to be victims or to stand up for themselves?

    Congrats on getting to the gym and getting yourself fitter. In the (paraphrased) words of a wise man, "get hot, get yourself a boy-toy and move on." He may even want you back after he's had his mid-life crisis. But think 3 times before you go back there - you may be in for a MUCH better and happier life right around the corner!

    Good luck!!!

  14. in my opinion when a man says he doesn't want you that's when you move on..i know its been alot of years between y'all 16 to be exact but you are only hurting yourself trying to work things out with a person who doesn't wanna work things out. you can sit back and ask yourself "why after all this time?", "whats gonna happen with the kids?", "doesn't he love me anymore?"...but trust me he has already thought of all that maybe more then you have that's why your actions don't seem to phase him, because of the simple fact that he has thought it over already and made up his mind. you need to give him that "D" and tell him to get that apartment..everything will be fine in do time and you will know the truth soon everything will come to the light I'm sure of it. you have to focus on you and whats gonna make YOU happy you and your children because you cant keep being worried about trying to keep someone who doesn't want to be kept. its gonna hurt but you gotta let go. plus if your weight has anything to do with way hes acting this way that means he wasn't down with you in the beginning anyway...

    congratulations on the weight loss and remember you do whats best for you...it will all work out in the end.

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